The Power in Thank You, Please and Sorry

Sincerity?

Before we start diving into the power of Thank You, Please, and Sorry, we need to first address the importance of sincerity.?We are all hard-wired to recognize patterns and read people. Even as babies (before we could talk), we learned to read our parent’s face and their non-verbal communication. Most of the communication we do is non-verbal.?When we use the above words insincerely, everyone around us can see and sense it. We might say the words, but the non-verbal communication and actions will say something entirely different. The power of these phrases will only be evident if they are said with sincerity and with real intent.?When the sincerity is real, you will find that you have a greater ability to connect with those around you, build better teams, and create longer, more fulfilling relationships.

Thank You

Gratitude is the ability to see value in others.?When we receive gratitude from someone, we feel seen, valued, and appreciated. It brings us joy and connection.?We all seek gratitude and appreciate the feeling it inspires, but often we fail to express it.?What holds us back from expressing our gratitude to those around us??The first is self-absorption and the second is embarrassment.?

We often fail to express our gratitude for others because we can’t clearly see it. We can’t seem to get ourselves out of the way.?Inherently, most of us are worried about ourselves most of the time. The stresses and struggles of daily life consume our attention.?This comes naturally out of self-preservation.?We are worried about ourselves because we need to worry, and it is just in our being.?It is not wise to focus on everyone’s needs ahead of our own.?Without self-care you eventually become worthless to everyone. However, once your needs are met it then becomes important to appreciate the others around you; to really see what they do to help meet your needs and make your life better.?

Gratitude is the feeling that allows you to be perceptive of others and the good they bring into your life.?When we spend time pondering the good that others do for our benefit, we feel a sense of gratitude and connection with them.?Directing your mind to think of individuals around you--those that make an impact in your life, will make a huge difference in how you look at the world.?

A great book I recommend is called, 365 Thank Yous.?This book describes how a man wrote a thank you card every day for a year and how it completely turned his life around.?I remember reading this book and thinking that it seemed a little over the top.?Regardless, I decided to try it.?It was so powerful that I did it for 3 years straight.?It has made a huge impact in my life because it helps me see the positive around me and the great people that make life good.

The other positive benefit of a Thank You is in the law of reciprocity.?When people hear thank you, the first thing they want to do in return is to say thank you back.?That is because intrinsic in all of us, is the law of reciprocity.?When someone does something for us, we want to return something in kind.?This law helps us work together.?Thus, when we say thank you, it can start a chain reaction of gratitude.?A person who has received gratitude usually sees in others the things they are grateful for and in turn expresses it to them.?That is why gratitude is so powerful in building strong teams.?If you want to build a strong team start by building a culture of gratitude.?

One of the best ways to spread gratitude is catch people speaking good behind other’s backs.?This is the opposite of gossip.?When you hear someone speaking positively behind a person’s back, turn around and let that person know.?There is no greater compliment than when we are told about others who are talking positively about us.?Second-hand or overheard compliments are the best. This simple act of sharing will build stronger relationships and loyalty.??

Please

Please is a sign of respect. This sign of respect is saying that you see the person and their role in the task that you are asking them to perform.?When we use the word please, we ask for participation instead of demanding it.?When a request is a command, people often feel the urge to push against it.?We can feel we are being pushed to do something we would otherwise not do.?It is a much better feeling to be invited to participate in doing something that is best for everyone. Why do we fail to use the word please? We feel that when we use the word, please we assume there is weakness or a lack of authority.

The word please is not a weakness, it is a strength.?No one has control of another person. You might be able to issue a demand; you might be able to coerce someone into doing the task, but whether they do a good job is still completely under their control.?When we use the word please we understand that we need others to buy in and become participants and owners of the action that is being asked.?When I was in the final year of my MBA, I had a mentor give me great advice. She said, “Treat every team member as if they were a volunteer.”?She explained further, “Sure they are paid to do the job and get the work done but they must choose to do a good job.?Money alone will not ensure that the work is done properly and that the tasks will be taken seriously. Only when you have true by-in will you be able to achieve real success.”?Please is the starting point of this attitude.?

Sorry

There is great power in, “I am sorry.” A sincere apology is the ability to effectively empathize with someone.?Apologizing allows you to change the direction of a relationship and it says with certainty that you care about the other person.?Sorry is often seen under the light of weakness or defeat.?The ability to sincerely apologize shows that you empathize, that you see other points of view, and that you can reflect on situations.?These are all important traits of a leader.

Some people feel that expressing an apology means that you are wrong or that someone else is winning. You should not apologize for something you do not have to apologize for. That would be an insincere apology and would do the opposite of its’ intended consequence.?An example of this would be if you were parked in a parking lot and someone backed into your car. You should not apologize for them making a mistake and hitting your vehicle.?But you can empathize and apologize for the situation they are in.?This is showing that you care about the person involved while still holding them liable for the situation.?

The most powerful part of an apology is the ability for people to feel that you care more about your relationship with them than the current situation you are facing together.?When you say, “I am sorry,” you are effectively saying that you care about this relationship.?You are saying that you understand what they are going through and that you would like to work on it together.?This attitude is generally reciprocated when expressed with sincerity. One of our deepest drives is to have connection with others and a desire to work together with other people.?When we can apologize and put the relationship ahead of our pride, ego, or issues, we can build long-lasting relationships that truly make an impact on our lives.

When we work with others, one of the greatest powers we wield is the words we use.?Using the words Thank You, Please, and Sorry helps to build relationships of trust and understanding.?Using the power of these words helps people feel valued, respected, and that they matter to you.?This produces a reciprocal response and builds mutual relationships where both people are stronger because they can communicate in a more meaningful way.?