The Power, Strength, & Control You Gain From Real Love

What we do is what we believe!

And what you will find in these words is that we’ve been believing in an illusion of Love that has us doing things that leave us distressed, dishonest, and dejected. 

This is why we believe that Love is weak and robs us of control and power. That’s why I’m here today… To unveil the power, the strength and control that we gain from TRUE Love.

Let’s First Address the Illusion…

Love is not a two-way street, it’s a one-way street, it just looks like a two-way street when it’s done correctly between two people. 

The most accurate and powerful depiction of Love is John 3:16 “God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.” 

How can we repay God for that, we can’t! There is nothing on the earth that He created and filled with its contents, including ourselves, that is valuable enough to pay God back for His expression of Love for us…

You might have initially thought, God inhabits the praises of His people, so we can give Him praise! That scripture means that if we praise God that He will fill the place that we’re in with His presence while we’re praising him! That promise is to our benefit!

Every Love expression, and promise of God is to benefit us, never Him…

LET’S TALK ABOUT WHY WE SUBSCRIBE TO LOVE BEING A TWO-WAY STREET

The reason we subscribe to love being a two-way street is because it resonates with our selfish nature, which opens the door for the ILLUSION of love to be believed.  

We believe that if we do something nice to or for someone, that we should get something nice done for us in return. 

That is not love my friends, that is LOVE’s counterfeit, manipulation. 

It is the belief in Love’s counterfeit that has us believing that Love lacks control, power, and strength. 

If people’s reactions to my love gestures or lack thereof determined how I thought, felt, viewed life, or valued myself, I’d believe that that was a weak system that robbed me of control, strength, and power too. 

That’s the system that you sign up for when you walk in Manipulation…

When you walk in Love on the other hand, meaning that your love gestures are genuine one-way expressions of you attempting to show someone else their value in your life, this is when you’ll feel yourself walking in the power, control, and strength of love. 

I can’t possibly be offended, feel disrespected, or short changed by my spouse’s response or lack of a response to my LOVE gestures toward her if the intent behind my actions are to express and add value, or pleasure to her.

Do you know how great sex and love making is when the sole intention of the both of you is to get the other to their pleasure destination? 

Do you know how often you will get sex when your agenda is to get your mate to climax?   

Do you know what arguments turn into when your loving intent in the exchange is to better understand, not adopt, your spouse’s viewpoint? A conversation!

Do you know how powerful it is to Love Yourself enough to have an opinion that you don’t need validated or approved by other people?

Do you know how much strength and control you gain over yourself and your life situations when you get to a place where you love yourself enough to know that YOU ARE ENOUGH for yourself?

Here lies the problem, WE DON’T LOVE OURSELVES.

Which subtly kills our relationships because the best love that we have to offer our partner is the love that we give to ourselves. 

Even worse, the love that we lack from ourselves, we expect to get from our spouses.

Which leaves our spouses clueless since they have no point of reference on how to love us because we have yet to be a student of ourselves long enough to be able to teach them how to love us audibly or by the way that we treat or love ourselves.

This is why we love and flock to “The 5 Love Languages book, because we see it as the book that we can finally identify and learn what our spouse needs and give it to them, while directing him or her to the highlighted parts of the book that express what we need in order for them be able to return the favor… Sound familiar? This is not Love my friends, this is us buying right back into the counterfeit system that feeds our selfish nature.

This is why most of my new clients know “The 5 love languages” like the back of their hands, yet they’re still having marital problems and complaining that their mate just doesn’t understand their love language. TRANSLATION: MY PLAN TO MANIPULATE MY SPOUSE INTO DOING WHAT I WANT HIM OR HER TO DO FOR ME ISN’T WORKING…

This is why those whose “love language” is touch, very rarely get touched, because they are so caught up in what THEY are trying to feel for themselves, that they don’t give off feeling. They might do a lot of touching, but the motive behind their touching is to feel something for themselves, so their touch takes instead of gives.       

This is why the person who identifies with the dialect of words of affirmation doesn’t get affirmed, the person whose love language is Gifts doesn’t receive gifts, the person whose dialect is “Acts OF SERVICE” doesn’t get served or help serving, and the person whose language is QUALITY TIME doesn’t get time spent with them. Because the posture that they are being spoken from is a selfish, thirsty, and manipulative posture, not a loving one. 

That’s why the easiest way to learn what a person prefers is to pay attention to how they treat you, because we’re even selfish in our giving…

It’s not even true that the affirmer won’t be affirmed, the gift giver won’t receive gifts, etc., it’s the fact that manipulation comes with the expectation of immediate return on its investment and stems from such a place of thirst that all you can see is the lack of what you are thirsting for. 

You won’t get more touch until you don’t feel that you need more touch from someone else.

You won’t get more words of affirmation until you feel that you don’t need words of affirmation from others.

You won’t get more gifts, until you don’t feel that you need gifts from others. 

                                  YOU GET THE POINT…

NOW, before you start beating me up about me “coming for your favorite book,” consider these two groups of sentences…

Here’s the first group

1)  I DON’T want to affirm my mate, encourage or speak kindly towards my spouse because I Love her.

2)  I Don’t want to spend quality time with my mate because I Love him.

3)  I Don’t want to share gifts with my spouse because I Love him.

4)  I Don’t want to serve my partner because I Love her.

5)  I Don’t want to touch my spouse because I Love him.

Does this group of sentences make sense when read out loud?

Here’s the second group…

1)  I DON’T want to affirm my mate, encourage or speak kindly towards my spouse because I hate Her.

2)  I Don’t want to spend quality time with my mate because I hate him.

3)  I Don’t want to share gifts with my spouse because I hate him.

4)  I Don’t want to serve my partner because I hate her.

5)  I Don’t want to touch my spouse because I hate him.

Does this group of sentences make sense when read out loud?

If you’re walking in, and experiencing the true essence of love, you will be giving and receiving all of these love languages consistently in healthy portions. 

We’ve been fanatics of selfishness and manipulation for so long, that we aren’t noticing that our getting so caught up in being team “Pisces,” I mean, words of affirmation, or whatever love language that we’d like to identify ourselves with, that we don’t realize that the passion of wanting to belong and have an identity, has us passionately moving in the spirit of hate when we have to be taught and reminded to do these things for our spouse.  

This is why we have to first learn how to love ourselves. 

The Five Love Languages book speaks often about our love tank getting or being empty, but how can our love tank ever get empty if we have SELF-LOVE? 

Our relationships are an outward expression of how we feel internally about ourselves. This is why self-love is so important.

This is also what I meant about being dishonest in your relationship in the beginning when you believe in the counterfeit love system.

Let me explain, if you don’t love yourself, you more than likely categorize your spouse as your spouse, but not your friend.

I say this because when choosing a mate, we typically choose a person we think highly of and want to accept us, so if we don’t love ourselves, the things that we don’t love about ourselves, certain thoughts, habits, guilty pleasures, etc., we keep them to ourselves in our presentation and get chosen as a person that we are not. Then we live our lives trying to live up to “that” type of person. This is why we feel so comfortable around our friends, they know about all of our faults and dark secrets, yet they haven’t rejected us. We feel that they love us unconditionally. That’s why we tell them everything, and share true intimacy with them. 

Here’s why so many couples are having a hard time being with each other during this pandemic, they don’t love themselves, so they can’t be themselves in fear that that will ruin their marriage, or get them rejected by their spouse, so they feel trapped, trapped in a mask, because they don’t have the outlet of a friend to be themselves around.     

When you love yourself, you’re unapologetically yourself at all times, with anyone, which means when you’re chosen you know that you are truly loved for who you are. This is what a marriage built on the foundation of friendship looks like. I can assure you, people who are married to their friend, don’t have a problem being forced to be alone for long periods of time with their spouse. 

Your love for yourself should be so grand that additional love is your overflow.   

But this self-love that I speak of is impossible without the Holy-Spirit dwelling inside of you, so if you’re not a believer and you want to walk in the power, control, and strength of the love that I’ve been speaking of, You have to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.   

If you are a believer with the Holy Spirit Dwelling inside of you, the Lord told me specifically to share this with you. 

Genesis 12:3 states “I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse him that curse you: and in you shall all families of the earth be blessed”

This is an Abrahamic Promise/covenant. (Which means that it is a promise to all believers… So if my spouse is a believer, God will curse those who curse Her and bless those who bless her, including me, and vice versa.) The enemy knows this, so due to us not walking in love, he has us cursing and destroying one another. 

This is a subtle trick that the enemy uses to destroy us in ministry also, because some of our enemies are believer’s and under this same covenant. So we are wishing harm on them, or praying that “They get what they deserve,” not realizing that we are cursing ourselves on top of the painful experiences we endure from their hateful actions towards us as our enemies.

“This is why God tells us to pray for our enemies, because He is trying to get us to speak blessings into our lives, because as a King, He can’t lie.” And He’s already said that He will bless those who bless us and cures those who curse us. So as Kings and Queens, in His image, we are either speaking blessings or curses that are coming to pass, while either blessing or cursing ourselves, or better yet, our households. 

If you are interested in learning more about how to practically walk out the strength, power, and control of love that I spoke about in this letter in your life and in your relationship, click the link below for more information… Until we meet again, be safe and take care.

Sincerely,

Edward L. Fairley

https://knowloveinc.samcart.com/products/the-love-revival-kit-