The power of setting boundaries: Perseverance, rituals, and courage

Last week, I had dinner with a colleague in my team who is also in Tokyo on an assignment. She told me about the first time we spoke on a call that her manager arranged. It took a few attempts to find a slot that worked for all, since the people involved were based in Germany, the UK and India. Apparently, I declined the first proposed slot and answered that, at that time, I was due to have lunch with my then twelve-year-old my daughter. I had forgotten my answer until she brought it up over dinner. She said that she was impressed that instead of saying that I had a diary clash, I was comfortable with and honest about the truth, and that the reason was important enough for me to push back on our call.?

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Hearing her recounting this story made me think about the power of setting boundaries, and importantly sticking to them as a way of keeping a healthy balance across the many priorities in our lives. We need to understand that boundaries can become healthy habits, as they can establish little rituals that bring us joy and, of course, allow us to keep the people we cherish close to us.

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Reclaim your space! The power of perseverance

I see boundaries as self-defined bubbles that protect my time and energy, a way of reclaiming my personal space. Understanding what you need and setting these boundaries is the first step toward improving your well-being both at work and at home. Your list of boundaries should not be long, unrealistic or overly ambitious. Small changes can make a really big impact, and?perseverance?goes a long way into turning good intentions into second nature behaviors.

However, it’s important to remember that bubbles are delicate and can easily burst. Which is fine, it just means that if I ‘slip’, I need to be back on track and ensure that an exception does not become the new rule. For example, if I skip my daily exercise routine for more than two days, I make sure that by day three I start again, even if it’s something small, like a walk or a short yoga session.

If you're not sure how to start reclaiming your space, consider the concept of the 1% rule introduced by James Clear in his best-selling book 'Atomic Habits'. He proposes that if you make small, atomic changes and improve by just 1% each day for a year, due to the power of compounding, you will be nearly 37 times better! This shows how small daily changes, coupled with perseverance, can make a huge difference over time.

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Transforming boundaries into rituals

One of my ‘hard’ boundaries is the time that I reserve and set aside for my loved ones, which usually involves food. For example, my family and I always, and I mean always, have breakfast together. If we have an early start, the time at the table might only be 15 minutes. It can mostly be “Hi, good morning, how’s your day looking? Mum, I need money for lunch. What time are you back from work? Any wishes for dinner?” (yes, over morning coffee - that’s the Italian spirit for you!). This is still a moment together. What I love about it is that what started as a boundary has, over time, become a?ritual,?a moment that enriches my daily life.

Nighttime reading is another ritual that evolved and changed into what it represents in my life. I have always been an avid reader but, during Covid, I lost my office commute time and, with that, my precious morning reading slot. So, I reintroduced it at the end of my day to exit work mode and mark the beginning of my ‘me’ time, transferring the pleasure of reading to the evening. I set bedtime mode on my phone and enter another world. It is grounding and reassuring, especially at times when things are hectic, and my mind is spinning.

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Add a pinch of courage

Boundaries and rituals work for me on a personal level, but they are also an opportunity to role model healthy behaviors across the various areas of my life: home, work, friends, family, and husband. It’s not always comfortable, or easy, and there might be pushback from people around me. But a big part of that role modelling is about having the?courage?to protect your values and personal priorities; to define the limits of what is acceptable and appropriate in your life.

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Establishing boundaries is crucial for each one of us. As we celebrate International Women's Day today, I believe this serves as an important reminder for all women worldwide as well. Women may sometimes find it more challenging to set boundaries than men, often due to societal expectations and traditional gender roles. However, the power to establish those boundaries, reclaim our space, and build our own rituals is ultimately in our hands.

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Let’s never forget that setting and complying to our boundaries is not running away from our responsibilities. It simply means that we respect ourselves, our decisions, and the ones we love.

And one more thing, why not take the opportunity today to create a new habit and tell a woman from your circle about a time when she impressed you, inspired you, supported you?

Last week, when it happened to me, not only did it bring a smile to my face but it also inspired the reflections that I've shared in this article.

Give it a go.

Say it, say it loud, make someone's day!