The Power of Self-Validation

The word ‘validation’ is a noun with several meanings:

1. The act or process of making something officially or legally acceptable or approved. Parking is free with validation of your ticket by one of the mall outlets.
2. Proof that something is correct. His results were validation of this theory.
3. The feeling that other people approve of and accept you, or something that give you this feeling. As human beings, we crave validation from the outside world.

Notice the words in that last example – ‘outside world’. When we feel accepted or approved by the ‘outside world’, that is?external?validation. But the definition also states that validation is ‘something that gives you this feeling?{of approval or acceptance}’.?

The great news is that this ‘something’ could be you. And this is called?internal?validation.

External validation is, by definition, outside ourselves. It’s therefore outside of our control. It’s based on the values, bias, moods, assumptions, and history of the person 'validating' you. And this isn’t particularly helpful! Because this type of validation is inconsistent, unreliable, and irregular. It’s also ethereal and can vanish as quickly as it occurred. Measuring yourself, your self-worth, and self-confidence based on the opinions of others is a dangerous game for your mental and physical health - as well as your general wellbeing.?

Once upon a time, the only way to get external feedback was if someone gave you a complaint or expressed a snide remark to you or someone else. They might have written a note about you and passed it to a friend during class or, skipping ahead a few years, published a negative story or review about you in the local newspaper.?

But now, thanks to the power of technology and social media, we have more access to people (and their opinions) than ever before. And it’s so easy to capture, store, and circulate pictures and images. And modify and add filters to those images.

As a result, we’ve may have become super self-conscious (and in some cases rightly so!) as to how we put ourselves out there. We may constantly compare ourselves to others or worry about being criticised instead of applauded.??

In the ‘old’ days, people didn’t spend as much time?looking?at themselves either. Sure, they probably had a mirror or two in their home or a travel mirror in their handbag. But now we have cameras and the ability to capture videos all the time via our smartphones. If you use your computer for work like me, then you probably spend an exorbitant amount of time seeing yourself on screen in meetings, on chats, and in videos.?

We’re always looking at ourselves - wondering if we’re good enough. And this creates the potential for self-abuse, mental overload, and feedback fatigue.?

So, how do we counteract the negative effects of feedback fatigue? How do we return to the power of self-validation – where we review ourselves, our actions, and our lives by the merits of our individual value system?

Return to the power of self-validation.

We begin by measuring ourself by our own internal values, beliefs, and sense of aesthetics. These are unique to you and there’s no other person in the world (and probably the universe!) who has the exact combination of abilities, thoughts, skills, experience, and beliefs as you.??

If you love your new haircut, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of it. Including your 500 Instagram followers. If you like the way you dress, act, move, behave, write, draw, work, and live, then you should be at peace with yourself. And peace and contentment are at the precipice of mental health, which is associated with longevity, happiness, and a high quality of life.

But if we are honest with ourselves, most of us aren’t at peace with how we dress, act, move, behave, write, draw, work and live - are we?

We all have things about ourselves that we’d like to change.?

And we are totally able to do this - despite many of us believing it’s impossible.?

When we successfully change any part of our lives - one big, hairy, audacious goal at a time - it creates excitement. And this excitement keeps us going - meaning we keep showing up. And that creates consistency. And that creates more change - demonstrating a reality where change is possible. This in turn inspires us - and sometimes those around us too!??

The inspiration also creates momentum. It creates a positive feedback loop and puts us in flow - ready for the next big, audacious goal!

And then rinse and repeat. You see where I’m going here...

Your change is no longer wishful thinking, or a dream, or a jackpot mentality. It is real.?

And that change or experience can’t be taken away from you by anyone – ever.?

Those are your experiences, memories, feelings, and bodily sensations. They can’t be truly shared, exchanged, given away, or lost. They contribute to the holistic development of your unique self - as you rotate through the universe on this green and blue rock, we call home.

You’re a unique combination of stardust in the expansive universe and that’s pretty freakin’ special.?

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