The Power of Self-Forgiveness

“As, therefore, God’s picked representatives of the new humanity, purified and beloved of God Himself, be merciful in action, kindly in heart, humble in mind. Accept life, and be most patient and tolerant with one another, (and self) always ready to forgive, (and self) and if you have a difference with anyone. Forgive as freely as the Lord has forgiven you. And, above everything else, be truly loving, for love is the golden chain of all the virtues.” Colossians 3:12-14 J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)

Our choices in relationships, careers, lifestyle, and expression of feelings and talents are often the result of our upbringing and what our family of origin taught us. Has the social climate changed significantly since our childhood? Have our family systems changed? Can we find ways to change old, ineffective behaviors?

We look at our past, we judge ourselves guilty, and we create future punishing experiences for ourselves. This is known as self-sabotaging.

The remedy for this is to come into the present moment and release yourself from the seat of judgment you have created. Today is the day to forgive and release those self-judgments. The past is over. Today is the day to realize that we are all, always, doing the best we can. All of us. This includes you.

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he/she is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life].” 2 Corinthians 5:17Amplified Bible (AMP)

Remember, our brain is one big mirror of our beliefs and judgments, so if we are judging ourselves as not enough, we will always create a reality that proves us right.

We often carry around with us a brain program called, “I AM NOT” statements. “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not attractive enough.” “I’m not successful.” “I am not good enough.” Etc., etc., etc. These “I am not” statements aren’t always spoken, but they are often on auto-replay in our heads. They cycle and recycle. Most of us could produce a fairly long list of them, if we took the time to write them all down, and they all basically boil down to “I’m not enough.” We have to learn to delete that brain program and reformat our brain with the right stuff and a new program. The brain can be reprogrammed to think the right thoughts.

“But you are a chosen ·people [or generation; Is. 43:21], royal ·priests [L?priesthood], a holy nation, a people ·for God’s own possession [who belong to God; Ex. 19:5–6]. You were chosen to ·tell about the wonderful acts of God, who [proclaim the praises/virtues of Him who] called you out of darkness into His ·wonderful [marvelous] light. At one time you were not a people, but now you are God’s people. In the past you had ·never [L?not] received mercy, but now you have received God’s mercy [Hos. 2:23].” 1 Peter 2:9-10 Expanded Bible (EXB)

You may be unhappy with something you’ve created in your own reality, but realize that judging yourself, because of it only creates another unhappy experience. Learn from your experiences, or you will repeat them until you do. Yes, but do this without judging yourself as guilty and creating a punishing future by default. Instead, create an empowering future deliberately by recognizing that you are worthy of goodness, abundance, health, love, and anything else you desire.

When we judge ourselves as guilty we bind ourselves to the punishment in consciousness. We can never see the results we desire, if we believe we aren’t supposed to have them. When we forgive ourselves we release the judgments and can then go free to enjoy the greater experiences we desire.

Christ offers us the gifts of responsibility and self-forgiveness. Now, as we begin to change, we can let go of the past and its pain. Our ability to change often starts by embracing our inner child selves with forgiving with our loving adult arms. In this act, we take responsibility for our own happiness, nurturing ourselves toward the new life we are finding in Christ.

We are learning to love ourselves in a whole new way. We respect and honor our physical selves with rest, exercise, and nutritional food. We stimulate our minds with new ideas and experiences. And we send our spirits soaring through conscious contact with Christ. We feel worthy of love, and even have enough to give some away. Now we are learning the talent for being happy. “Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)

We can feel burdened, inadequate, and overwhelmed by expectations, even when they are our own. More often, however, the problem originates from outside ourselves. Before we became Christ Followers we easily got caught in the trap of other people's expectations, because we didn't know who we really were as a child of God. Now that we are in Christ this offers us an opportunity to understand ourselves better, to not feel judged or condemned, which in turn helps us to set our own goals. No longer must someone else's goals guilt us into action.

Getting to know real freedom from the expectations of others is a two-step process. First we need to see clearly which expectations are ours and which belong to someone else. Then we need to turn to Christ for help in fulfilling our own expectations, and only our own.

“I tell you the truth [L?Truly, truly I say to you], whoever ·hears [obeys] ·what I say [L?my word/message] and believes in the One who sent me has eternal life. That person will not ·be judged guilty [L?come into judgment/condemnation] but has ·already left death and entered life [L?passed from death into life]. John 5:24 Expanded Bible (EXB)

Here is a ritual that you can do to anchor this act of self-forgiveness. Instead of sitting in the seat of judgment, sit yourself down in the seat of God’s love and forgiveness.

Find a comfortable place to sit. It may be a favorite chair, or a place out in nature that you love, or you may even want to relax in a quiet place while you do this exercise. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. As you inhale say to yourself, God says, “I am enough.” “I am not condemned.” “I am forgiven.” As you exhale say to yourself “I forgive myself.” Do this several times as you relax your body. Judgments may come up as you do this. Your inner critic may speak up and remind you of things you wish you’d done differently, or of things you wish were different in your life right now; when this happens just breathe in and say, God says, “I am enough, and I forgive myself for that.” Do this until you feel a sense of peace and self-love? 

Be gentle with yourself. Make a choice for peace and allow yourself to release all of those old judgments and feelings of guilt. The first time I did this I could not believe how many judgments kept coming up, but I felt a release each time I forgave myself and by the time I had finished I felt so much freedom and peace in my body I felt like I could burst! The chains were broken. I believed God could break every chain even self-judgement. And then I felt so light, and so peaceful. The feeling I experienced was a knowing that anything is possible in Christ. This exercise was so powerful for me that I knew I wanted to share it with you.

And while you’re there…don’t believe that little inner demon voice, if it tells you that this is a process that takes a long time, or that you’ll never be able to forgive yourself. You can forgive yourself instantly by accepting God’s forgiveness. Decide that you’re going to be different after you do this. Decide that you are going to forgive yourself now, today. You have no authority to judge yourself. That is God’s place not yours. Self-forgiveness is a choice, and it’s a choice based on Christ’s unconditional love for you. Choose His love for yourself today.

Take yourself out of the judgment seat and sit yourself down in the seat of God’s love and forgiveness. You are worthy of everything your heart desires.

Today Lord, grant me the power of self-forgiveness and the gift of hope. Lord before taking any action today, I will pause to make certain I am fulfilling Your expectations not someone else's. God help me with this daily task. 

Dr. Ron L. Adams, MDiv. DMin.