Becoming a Psychological Safety Ally in Your Team

It hurts when someone in your team betrays your trust or feels satisfied by your failures. Or fails to support you, leaving you alone to figure it out yourself. Or sits silently as you get mauled by objections in a meeting.

We’ve all likely experienced moments where a colleague—or even the whole team—left us feeling isolated, unsafe, and unsupported. It’s the exact opposite of what a team should feel like.

At first glance, this behaviour seems calculated, even malicious. If you dig deeper, you’ll find that most people don’t come to work just so they can make your life difficult or undermine your sense of safety.

Though it can certainly feel that way when you’re on the receiving end of it.

The truth is, many people are just trying to avoid feeling unsafe or vulnerable themselves. In doing so, they might unintentionally leave you to fend for yourself. It’s not necessarily a deliberate betrayal—rather, a reflex to protect themselves. A knee-jerk reaction to fending off the risks of feeling unsafe themselves!

Think back to the age-old and enduring appeal of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. In that famous triangle of needs, he places the need for safety right after basic physiological needs (like food and water) as one of the most fundamental human needs that we want satisfied if we are to sustain ourselves.

This highlights that safety—both physical and psychological—is essential for us to function effectively. When people don't feel safe, it prevents them from moving to higher levels of the hierarchy like love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualisation.

Though in unsafe teams and workplaces, other people's instinct for self-preservation can come at your expense. Psychological safety doesn't have to be a poor trade-off between protecting oneself or protecting others. That's a false choice that unsafe teams and work culture can buy into.

I am here to offer you eight ways in which you can do the opposite of bailing on your teammates. Instead, find the courage, the initiative and the generosity to take that first crucial step. You will be amazed how quickly others pick up on it when someone finally breaks the vicious cycle of lack of team safety.

While leaders have a crucial role to play in fostering team psychological safety, team members, such as yourself, can't sit out that process. Especially, when it can affect you as intimately and on a daily basis.

In fact, you could be the psychological safety ally for your team. Then stay a bit patient as the law of reciprocity kicks in and respect, inclusion, belonging and psychological safety become the new norm.

Consider which of these actions you could take right this week in your team!

1. Listen Actively and Without Judgment

Create an environment where your teammates feel heard and valued by listening attentively to their concerns, ideas, and emotions. One of the key characteristics of an effective team is when people are tuned into each other's emotions. For example, if someone were having a bad day, help share their workload and ask how they want to be supported in that client meeting. That's good listening, too!

Tip: Listen to understand and not to react and appear smarter. When you genuinely listen, people pick up on it instinctively and gravitate to your cues and head nods. That helps that person to feel supported.

2. Encourage Open Dialogue

While it's often considered the leader's job to foster open dialogue, nothing stops you from making a worthy contribution. This means, helping someone feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, even if they disagree with yours. Or letting someone voice a new or unconventional idea without raising your eyebrows or chuckling at them in disbelief. Open dialogue is reciprocal, so you can also speak your mind with ease.

Tip: If someone gets interrupted, support the person who got cut off. Circle back and say, what was that you were saying a while back Sarah? I don't think you got to complete that example you were sharing.

3. Recognise and Acknowledge Vulnerability

It's hard for anyone to make themselves vulnerable at work. Show empathy when others take an emotional risk by leaning into the conversation. Instead of getting side-tracked into your own story, focus on what they are sharing and reflect back their emotions the best you can. At times, a simple response like, "I hear you and I can understand this must be really hard on you right now", can mean the world to that person!

Tip: Ask people what support they need as they try and get through adversity. Even if you are not the decision-maker, it can be a real boost to a teammate that you cared enough to ask them that question.

4. Create Room for Failure and Learning

Support a culture where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities, not sources of blame and shame. Be a participant in collective growth and improvement. If someone's made a mistake at work and finds themselves in an awkward situation, ask the person privately if you can help? Or let them know that the team or manager will understand that this was unintentional and not a reflection on their competence.

Tip: Consider if the person who failed at something, or had a bad day at work, could do with a coffee and conversation. Take some time out and offer help where practical, so they aren't struggling alone.

5. Model Inclusive Behaviour

While I often teach leaders how to model inclusive behaviours, teams can't be left out of this equation. You can be an active participant in building an inclusive team culture by prioritising respect. Even if you can't agree with someone, or their choices or identity, you can choose to treat them with dignity and respect. Give that person your attention when they speak and acknowledge and talk about their achievements.

Tip: Take turns to connect with your teammates to build better work relationships. People feel more relaxed with informal conversations, and offer the best chance for you to relate and understand them.

6. Acknowledge and Applaud Contributions

Not everyone in the team feels acknowledged or even visible. It's easy for quieter, introverted or significantly diverse team members to feel overlooked. You could be an ally to them by amplifying their ideas, strengths and achievements in the team. Instead of letting them feel ignored or talked over, you could be their 'wing-person' and speak well of them to others and support their ideas and experience.

Tip: Back people who might not be in the room to back themselves. Look out for your teammates, and mention them in a conversation if their strengths could add to the project or an opportunity.

7. Advocate for Team Wellbeing

Be an advocate for your team's mental and emotional well-being. This virtuous cycle also comes back to you as others feel more inclined to do the same for you. Point out common stressors or support someone who brings it up in a meeting. Corroborate when workloads become unrealistic and share what can help make things less uneven or burdensome for a few. Put your hand up when it's your turn to take the load.

Tip: Speak about your wellbeing concerns within the team and seek support to encourage others to do the same. Or reach out to a teammate if they look stressed and distracted at work and check-in on them.

8. Invite and Appreciate Diverse Perspectives

It's human tendency to seek similarities and avoid differences. Though in a team with diverse strengths and backgrounds, this instinct weakens the team and makes it harder to collaborate. Be an inclusive colleague by staying curious of those unlike yourself in the team. Seek out their viewpoints and insights. Appreciate that someone thinks differently to you and help foster appreciation instead of apprehension.

Tip: Instead of only hanging out with those you feel most comfortable with, make yourself intentionally uncomfortable. Invite someone to join in for a coffee or have them come over to your lunch table.

In summary

We place so much responsibility on a team leader's desk for establishing psychological safety that we can overlook the role of team members. Unless the team buys into the idea of safety being a shared goal, a leader alone won't win the battle of safety in a team. This needs to be a collective team priority.

You could contribute in many ways, such as listen actively without judgement, encourage open dialogue, recognise and acknowledge vulnerability, make room for failure and learning, model inclusive behaviours, acknowledge and applaud contributions, advocate for team wellbeing and invite and appreciate diverse perspectives. To name a few ways in which you could become an ally to creating psychological safety.

If you are a team member, which two actions can you take this week to contribute to team safety? When you help others feel psychologically safe, you have a much higher chance of enjoying safety yourself.

Sonali D’silva is a Certified Professional in Inclusive Leadership from Catalyst Inc. She is the Founder of Equality Consulting, a training and coaching service for developing inclusive leaders and creating psychological safety at work. Visit www.equalityconsulting.com.au to know more about her work.

Meanwhile, Download a Free 20-page Guide to Creating Psychological Safety!

Join Sonali for an in-person public workshop at Adelaide on Oct 22, 2024 on Leading with Inclusion.