The Power of Restraint

Ever had that moment when someone just pisses you off and your mind just tells you 'surely you can't just go quiet on that one'! What about that heated email you receive from a client or prospect saying that you are not creative enough or your product is Plain Jane Mediocre! Do you decide to fight fire with fire or let the flames ease off in the ashes!

Psychological Restraint is the ability of preventing yourself from a particular emotional reaction during a situation or circumstance. There's also the physical restraint which limits physical movement. In this article, I will focus on the psychological aspect.

In the business world, restraint is a superpower. Many won't tell you this but it comes a close second after sales prowess. In fact restraint is an ingredient of the business relations buffet (which you should pronounce as 'boofay'). I won't lie, I've had those moments where I felt like giving that critically verbal spewing client or prospect a dose of their own medicine but restraint prevailed. It's like those two diabolical spirits that pop in your brain ( you know, the one that says 'dont do it , remember it's business and not personal' then there's the polar opposite version that tells you 'screw it, just unleash your vengeance').

Practicing restraint is an endless 'battlefield of the mind' that tests your attitude and character. Utilizing self awareness as a founder or business owner is very key as your behaviour whether productive or destructive rubs off on your fellow teammates. Your personal culture as a founder or team leader leaves a lot of fingerprints on the overall organizational behaviour.

Here are some quick tips towards your restraint building journey;

1. When you receive a heated emotionally triggering email, don't reply to it immediately. Pause and take a walk, breathe in and out. Reply to that email when your tempers have dissipated.
2. During a red hot phone conversation with someone where tempers have flared, don't speak in the same high tone as your correspondent. Take a deep breath or a sip of water and calmly share your response. You'll be shocked how it cools the situation.
3. In any conversation there are two key words that trigger negative responses and elicit the listener to engage the defensive gear. Those two words are 'always' and 'never'. Those two words have caused a lot of anguish in marriages, friendships, partnerships and business relations. Find a tactical way to avoid them in your sentences or else..
4. Consider a tactical approach that slowly disarms your correspondent. An example could be; I acknowledge your sentiments Mr. or Mrs. X and thank you for bringing that to our attention, I also invite you to consider the fact that … This way it doesn't come out heated and it brings a relaxing feel. Remember everyone has a right to be heard.

Restraint is a soft skill that is very underrated in the business and leadership world. Lack of it has led to turmoil, lost business and reputational damage. This is a skill that cannot be mastered at the snap of a finger but it's a continuous learning experience.

Be honourable and may restraint be within your reach.