The Power of Reframing: How Changing Your Story Can Change Your Life, and Others
Eugene Toh
Empowering Lives Through Storytelling | Corporate Leader in Governance | Chairperson at Methodist Welfare Services | Assistant Chief Executive at Energy Market Authority
As a leader, I have had my fair share of challenging conversations. One particular meeting stood out. A team member, tears welling up in her eyes, sat across me during our performance appraisal and described how she had been feeling overwhelmed. In particular, she felt she had been unfairly burdened, because another team member was not pulling his weight.The atmosphere was getting charged, with emotions running high - I was taken aback, unsure of how to respond.
The standard management textbook answer would have been to offer assurances with a promise to address her concerns. But while that would ameliorate her current struggle, I wanted to empower her with a more powerful tool. So I decided to take a different approach.
Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist and author, in her TED Talk, "How changing your story can change your life", highlighted the significance of personal narratives and how they shape our identities and experiences. Our version of stories can become stuck, leading to feelings of stagnation and unhappiness. But we have the power to edit our stories, just like a writer edits a manuscript. This process involves:
- ?????Recognizing the story: Becoming aware of the narrative we're telling ourselves and its impact on our lives.
- ?????Challenging the story: Questioning the assumptions and beliefs that underlie our narrative.
- ?????Editing or rewriting the story: Creating a new narrative that is more accurate, compassionate, and empowering.
I wanted to help my team member reframe her story, from one where she was a victim, to one where she would be the hero. I gently asked her to view the situation from different perspectives, focusing on the positive aspects. She revealed that the extra work had given her opportunities to interact with senior management, which she was grateful for. She also acknowledged that she had grown professionally and personally from the difficult situations she had faced. As we closed the meeting, her tears dried, a smile replaced her frown. What was amazing was that the next time I talked to her, she saw her colleague less of a villain, and more of an ally, which improved the dynamics of their working relationship.
As leaders, we must first learn to reflect on and revise our own stories, recognizing when it's time to update our narrative. This requires introspection, empathy, and a willingness to adapt. What worked in the past may not work today, as contexts and teams evolve. By continually refining our own stories, we can effectively support our team members in reframing theirs. Just as a new frame can reveal a fresh beauty in a familiar picture, a revised narrative can unlock new possibilities. So, I ask you: what story are you telling yourself? Is it empowering or limiting? Take a moment to reflect and consider rewriting your story. The positive impact on your life and those around you could be profound.
LinkedIn Community Top Voice (Gold Badge) | Counselling Psychologist | Counsellor | Content Creator | Cinematherapist | Storyteller
4 个月You shared an interesting idea here. I came across this same idea through Stephanie Tolan, a writer who writes about gifted individuals. Her article, Change Your Story, Change Your Life is similar to what you reference to the psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb. Link to Stephanie Tolan article here: https://www.stephanietolan.com/change_your_story.htm Great minds think alike I suppose, and they are both writers!
A SAC registered Psychotherapist specializing in Couple Therapy and LGBTIQA+ Therapy
4 个月Great sharing Eugene Toh. Indeed our mind works so great and also the focus on the negative. It’s impossible to tap on objectivity (pre frontal cortex) when our emotional Center of brain (amygdala) is activated. The positive and achievements are kept far back. Your active listening to her story definitely ?? helped. The reframing of tapping on positive benefits on the additional responsibility was great. ??
Public Policy & Global Affairs | Strategic Communication | Stakeholders Engagement
4 个月Thank you, Eugene Toh. Reframing a predicament into an opportunity, and lifting ourselves from there makes so much of a difference.