The Power of Reciprocity: Why Giving and Receiving Matters in Strong Leadership

“I don’t chase, I attract.”

I first heard this line in my early twenties, just after a breakup with my boyfriend of six years. Newly single and clumsily entering the world of dating, I didn’t yet understand the wisdom in this saying. I found myself chasing after the wrong people while naturally attracting the right ones. When a guy didn’t text me back within 24 hours, I would send a seemingly casual “Hey, just checking in” message—only to instinctively know that I wouldn’t hear back at all. Despite my efforts to play it cool, the silence stung.

I was ghosted.

I questioned myself: What did I do wrong? Did I say something stupid? Do I seem desperate?

The truth was simple—he just wasn’t into me. After a few more disappointing experiences, I decided to stop chasing. I wasn’t going to text, cajole, or wait around for anyone who didn’t reciprocate. I adopted a new mantra:

“I don’t chase; I attract.”

This approach extends beyond dating. Whether in business, friendships, or partnerships, I operate on the principle of attraction and alignment. I encourage my executive clients to do the same.

In both our personal and professional lives, relationships are everything. They shape our experiences, guide our decisions, and influence our success. But what makes a relationship truly strong and lasting? One of the key ingredients is something simple yet powerful: reciprocity.

What Does Reciprocity Mean?

Reciprocity is the give-and-take that defines any healthy relationship. When someone does something kind or helpful for you, it’s natural to want to return the favour. This back-and-forth creates a bond that strengthens over time as you continue to support each other. But this also extends in communication. When someone reaches out (who isn’t spammy or overly self-promoting), it’s natural that you respond.

Why It Matters at Work

It matters because reciprocity is not so common anymore. We cancel, ghost, ignore, and don't respond to texts, emails, or requests for help. In our careers, reciprocity goes beyond exchanging favours; it’s about creating a culture of mutual support. As an Executive Coach, I am a stickler for responsiveness, which is a form of reciprocity. When you offer your help, time, or advice to others without expecting anything in return, you’re laying the foundation for a supportive, collaborative environment.

As Simon Sinek, author of Leaders Eat Last, says: "Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s about taking care of those in your charge." This principle of caring for and supporting others is at the heart of reciprocity in the workplace.

1. Building Trust: Trust is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. When you consistently show up for others, they learn they can count on you. This builds trust, making working together smoother and more enjoyable.
2. Enhancing Collaboration: In teams or partnerships, knowing that others have your back makes collaboration easier and more effective. When people feel supported, they’re more willing to go the extra mile, leading to better results for everyone.
3. Strengthening Connections: Networking isn’t just about exchanging business cards or LinkedIn connections; it’s about forming genuine relationships. By offering help without expecting anything in return, you build a network of people who are eager to support you when you need it.

How Reciprocity Enriches Our Personal Lives

Reciprocity isn’t just important at work—it’s a key part of our personal relationships as well. It’s what turns casual acquaintances into deep, meaningful connections.

1. Deepening Emotional Bonds: Acts of kindness and support create emotional ties between people. When someone helps you, it evokes gratitude, strengthening your connection. Over time, this bond becomes hard to break.
2. Encouraging Growth: Giving to others often brings new insights or perspectives, helping us grow as individuals and in our relationships.
3. Creating a Support System: Strong relationships built on reciprocity provide a safety net during tough times. When you know you can count on others—and they can count on you—it creates a sense of security that helps you navigate life’s challenges.

The Ripple Effect of Kindness

One of the best things about reciprocity is how it spreads. When you give to others, and yes, giving also means when you respond to others, you inspire them to give as well, creating a ripple effect of kindness and support. This not only strengthens your own relationships but also helps build a more connected, caring community.

Reciprocity is underrated, far less common than it ever was, and essential for building strong, lasting relationships. Whether at work or in your personal life, the simple act of giving and receiving fosters trust, support, and deep connections. By practicing reciprocity, we not only strengthen our own relationships but also contribute to a kinder, more connected world.

So the next time someone reaches out to you, please, whatever you do, don’t ghost them. Remember that your response matters—it’s building the foundation for a strong relationship and a strong organizational culture.

Reciprocity matters. Do you agree?

Hi, I'm Teresa, Founder of Crucible Inc., as well as an Executive and Team Coach for senior leaders and their teams. If you like this newsletter, ring the ??? and follow me here to learn more about who I am and how I can help. My vibe is "building relationships that matter", so you can count on me to not oversell, overpromise, and overdo.