The Power of a Question

Have you ever noticed how people tend to resist when they’re told what to do? I’ve seen it time and again in HR. No one likes feeling like they’re being pushed into something, even when it’s in their best interest. Recently, while reading The Diary of a CEO by Steven Bartlett, I came across a fascinating idea: Ask, Don’t Tell. It’s such a simple concept, but it made me rethink the way I approach conversations, both in work and life.

Bartlett dives into something called the Question/Behavior Effect—a powerful psychological shift that helps motivate change by simply asking the right question instead of giving direct instructions. This approach is all about inviting someone to consider a new perspective, and it’s honestly a game-changer. Imagine how different it feels when someone asks you, “Are you happy with your work-life balance?” rather than telling you, “You need better work-life balance.” Suddenly, the choice feels personal.

It's something I’ve started using more in my HR role, and the results have been eye-opening.

In HR, we deal with complex human behaviors every day. Encouraging teams, managing performance, promoting wellness—all involve the challenge of motivating people to adopt positive behaviors. I’ve found that asking questions rather than making statements can be just as effective in the workplace as it was for Reagan.

Instead of saying, “You should work on your time management skills,” I now ask, “Do you feel satisfied with how you’re managing your time?” This approach invites reflection, taps into people’s inner desires, and connects them to the change they want to make.

Research backs this up. Studies show that when people are asked if they plan to perform a positive behavior, they are more likely to follow through. Questions don’t force compliance; they plant the seed for change, letting people arrive at the answer themselves.

In my career, I've had to question my own practices, too. One of my professional challenges was creating a culture that promotes growth without micromanaging. Early on, I’d make a checklist of tasks and expect immediate follow-through. But, over time, I noticed that a checklist alone didn’t create motivation or ownership. So, I started asking questions that prompted employees to evaluate their own growth.

Bartlett also mentions using the question/behavior effect on ourselves to break habits or build new ones. Instead of setting ambitious but vague goals like, “I’ll eat healthier,” I’ve shifted to asking myself, “Will I choose a healthy option for lunch today?” This simple yes-or-no question reduces excuses, helping me focus on one action at a time.

In my HR role, I often encourage employees to use this approach, especially for wellness goals. Instead of “I’ll go to the gym regularly,” I encourage them to ask, “Will I make time for the gym this week?” These questions, focused on small actions, align intentions with personal aspirations.

The other fascinating aspect Bartlett highlights is cognitive dissonance—the discomfort we feel when our actions don’t align with our beliefs. When people answer yes to a question like, “Will you apply for that promotion?” they set themselves up for accountability. Suddenly, they’re aware of the gap between where they are and where they want to be, and they have the motivation to bridge it.

This law is a reminder to all HR leaders and professionals: instead of telling employees what to do, ask them the questions that guide them to the behaviors they need to grow. When questions resonate with their personal goals and values, they create a framework for self-motivation and transformation.

The Takeaway: Ask, Don’t Tell

The next time I’m tempted to make a statement, I’ll instead think about the question that might bring about real change. Ask, don’t tell. It’s a shift in approach, but it has the power to drive people toward becoming their best selves—whether in HR or any other aspect of life.

After all, transformation starts with the right question.

How have you used questions to drive change in your HR practice? What techniques helped you inspire reflection and action in your organization?