The Power of Proximity

We become like the people we spend time with. Who you surround yourself with is who you become. Epictetus said, "If you dwell with a lame man, you will learn how to limp." The culture of our work environment determines how we work. The people in our lives directly impact us. The tone is set at the top, and others tend to emulate that person's style, philosophy, and attitude. They dress the same, act the same, and often value the same things. How often have we seen a nice person go work for a toxic boss and become toxic themselves or a terrible jerk get a new job in a new environment and suddenly we realize they are actually a great person.

The same holds true about the physical environment we live in. Neighborhoods develop an identity because of the people who live in them. Buildings have a "vibe" because of the residents, tenants, and building staff. And one crucial, often overlooked factor of happiness in the home is who is living next to, above you, and beneath you.

One of my favorite apartments I lived in was in the West Village. A beautiful one-bedroom apartment in a pre-war building on Waverly Place.

On my first night in the apartment,?at 1 AM, I heard the sound of thunder. A cacophony of shaking, rattling, and rolling. After 15 minutes, I realized thunder was coming from my neighbor upstairs. I walked upstairs in my boxers, knocked on the door, and my new neighbor opened the door with a joint hanging out of his mouth, wearing roller blades. He thought getting around the living room on his rollerblades was more convenient. Mostly, he understood my concern and never bladed in his apartment again, except on rare occasions. I realized a week later this issue never came up because the previous tenant in my apartment was legally deaf.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about some of the negatives of co-op ownership. I guess one of the few positives is that the board interview process allows not only the building owners to know and approve who their future neighbor is going to be but also allows the potential purchaser to interview the building and determine whether this is actually a building they would want to live in and people they would like to surround themselves with day and night.

It would be advisable to think beyond the four walls of the apartment. On the flip side, for every bad experience I've had with a neighbor, I've had life-changing positive experiences. As a child in Johannesburg, our neighbor opened their home to me and my family when we had nowhere else to turn. They turned living areas into bedrooms and garages into suites to house me and my family when we had no home of our own. A kindness me and my sisters never forgot.

My wife, children and I recently moved into a new home. While I do not miss our old house for a second, I do miss our neighbors, Gavin and Peggy, who became a staple in our every day. They were always there to share a cigar and scotch, watch for packages, and borrow from or lend some sugar. They are genuinely good people. Seeing them each morning and afternoon always made my day a little better.

Ryan Holiday, best-selling author and modern philosopher, said, "Who we surround ourselves with matters. It matters a lot. The people we spend our time with influence our behavior, shape our beliefs, and affect our outlook on life."?We can easily improve our happiness and well-being by surrounding ourselves with positive and supportive individuals.

Whether you're searching for a new home or job, take an extra minute to consider who you will surround yourself with. It has such an enormous impact on our life.

Powerhouse author and podcaster Mel Robbins noted, "You are only one decision away from a totally different life. Surround yourself with people who will support you and encourage you to make positive changes. Your life comes down to your decisions. If you change your decisions, you will change everything."?A great testament to the power of proximity.

Side Bar: I just finished reading "Saxophone Colossus: The Life and Music of Sonny Rollins" by Aidan Levy. Halfway through this book, I told my wife, "I'm not sure who else would love reading this book as much as I do, other than jazz saxophonists and maybe some musicians." She looked over at the 700-plus pages and said, "Yeah, probably just you."?But by the end of the story, I realized that this book is a must-read for everyone. Sonny Rollins is not only one of the most profound and innovative American artists. This detailed life story is an insight into black America's challenges and how this genius man overcame these obstacles to be one of the most significant contributors to art the country has ever known. And I don't care if I'm the only one that reads it - it was awesome.

Let's do this -

Shaun