The Power of Presence: Coaching Through Connection

My daughter Kayla and I never miss our basketball workouts, rain or shine. We believe tough conditions make us stronger and more resilient. But recently, something was off. I could see Kayla wasn’t herself. Her usual energy was gone.

As “Coach Dad,” I felt I should push her like an elite athlete. Maybe it was my training kicking in during all those years of playing pro ball or just a dad who wanted to instill perseverance in a rising superstar daughter. Either way, I thought pushing through tough times was the way to go. But Kayla felt pressured, and the more I pushed, the less she cared.

Her shots weren’t good, her passes were off, and she was really struggling. Things got tense, and she got frustrated and even cried. I realized we both needed a break.

I told Kayla I’d step back and let her be. So I went inside the house and watched to see what she would do on her own. My hope was that if I wasn’t there, it would be better, but it only got worse. Her frustration increased, and the tears came even more.

Watching this, I felt the need to make a change. So I went back out and suggested that we do the drills together. The moment I mentioned it, her face lit up with excitement. Being with her through the challenges turned out to be much better than stepping away or even help- ing from the side. We dribbled side by side and felt a deep sense of connection. Her energy shifted, and as a natural byproduct, her skills improved.

Importantly, I didn’t suggest this change so she would perform better. It came from a deeper place in me that wanted to share her burden in order to ease her discouragement, frustration, and sadness.

The most wonderful part was how much closer we became in that moment. As Coach Dad, sharing the challenge made our bond stronger. Her skills got better, and I received a gift that day too.

So who’s your “Kayla”? Who needs more than advice? Step in, and be there whether it’s someone on your team or in your family. Sharing their journey helps everyone grow. Trust builds, and together we achieve more.

Don’t just watch. Stand with your “Kayla,” and be part of their journey. You’ll be amazed at how much both of you change and achieve. The impact you create by being there lasts a lifetime.

Reflection

Think about someone in your life who needs more than just distant cheers or outside help. It could be someone on your team or in your family. Once you figure out who it is, find a way to truly “join in” with them by doing something practical together.

(**Excerpt from my latest book, "Lessons from Abdul: The Hidden Power of Receiving from Anyone, Anytime")

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About Robb Holman

Robb Holman is a sought-after Global Keynote Speaker and Author of four transformational leadership books, Lead the Way, All In, Move the Needle, and his upcoming book, Lessons from Abdul. In recognition of his expertise, Robb was named one of the world's top 30 leadership speakers by Global Gurus for three consecutive years (2022, 2023, 2024). His innovative Inside Out Leadership philosophy has gained significant recognition and has been featured in publications like Inc, Forbes, and Fast Company. You can visit Robb by going here.