Power of Positive Thinking; My Example

Sorry about being two days late with this.  I took Tuesday off because Monday was my Sunday with the Labor Day holiday, making Tuesday my Monday.  I loved Tuesday morning for one main reason: For the first time in years, I was able to watch my kids get on the bus for their first day of school for the year.  I absolutely loved that, so thanks for your patience.

I took off yesterday because I am in the middle of preparing for the next phase of my business and could not spend the time I consider requisite of a good post.  Regardless, I wanted to post as promised with respect to both content and time.  While this post might lack proper grammar usage at times, it certainly is full of very sincere insight into my life with the hope of inspiring and supporting you to live yours to the fullest of how you want to live it!

For starters, as a token of my appreciation for your patience with me and for the time you take to read my posts, I am giving you my all-time favorite joke. (Let me say here, if I ever repeat myself from earlier posts, I’m sorry.  I rarely look back.  I just keep going forward so sometimes, I may repeat myself.  My wife loves when I do that!  Lol).

Go to a colleague, friend, co-worker, anyone.  Tell them you just heard a great knock-knock joke but they have to start it.  Of course, they will oblige. Rarely does a person process that fast.

Them:  “Knock-Knock”

You:    “Who’s there?”

Them: (Mouth agape. Odd look on their face. No response.)

So simple but oh, so funny to see their expressions!  I LOVE telling that joke!  Have fun with it.  I guarantee it will make you smile, even if they don’t.  (Maybe they should)

As I wrote last week, I want to tell you the story of my life in 2012.  It will be a quick version.

When Lorri and I decided to return to New Jersey so that our kids could be closer to my mother (their grandmother), we had no idea what I was going to do.  I knew that I wanted to do cigars.  Friends offered to give me a job at the company they owned.  I had options.  But, I knew if I wanted to open a cigar shop by summer time at the Jersey Shore, no way could I teach ‘til the end of the year.  The perceived problem became that the kids and I were in the middle of our respective school years.  Immediate questions were raised.  What are we going to do to make up for the difference in income if I did open a brand new cigar shop?  What will we do with the kids?  Do we move them mid-school-year? Where will I live if Lorri and the kids stay behind to finish their school year?  I very carefully chose to use the word questions instead of concerns because a question is merely that, a question. But, a concern, I think, has undertones of fear associated with it.  A simple Google search revealed the definition for concern contains both “anxiety” and “worry”.  I think what matters most is not the situation, because they will always be just what they are, events happening around you.  Rather, what matters most is how you respond to any given situation.  You can choose to respond with anxiety, concern, worry, etc.  Or, you can respond with happiness and joy in anticipation of the next great thing resulting from the situation.  Two leaders helped me get a great perspective on this.  One is Eckhart Tolle in the Power of Now.  I listen to CDs in the car.  My kids listen with me sometimes.  They love the gong that goes off on Eckhart’s CD.  The one things Eckhart shares is that fear is a pre-conceived notion of what we think will happen in the future.  Quick example:  My kids are away at an overnight, week-long camp for the first time ever.  It’s the second day.  Phone rings at 11:30pm.  RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS IF YOU ARE A PARENT?  Immediately, my wife and I jump out of bed and run to the phone.  We pick it up.  Wrong number.  You get the idea.  The fear that something was wrong with our boys was all made up in our head within microseconds of hearing that phone ring.  It happens.  The other leader is Stephen Covey and his 7 Habits of Highly Successful People.  Listened to this on CD years ago.  Hell, it might have been on cassette!  He quickly analyzed the word responsibility.  That word literally means all of us have the ability to respond to any given external stimulus outside our control.  And, I think he uses a phone ringing as an example.  Is it that urgent?  Why can’t a ringing phone be ignored (and not after you check caller ID). The answer is that it can easily be ignored but for whatever reasons, many people feel obligated to others to respond; that they owe them a response.  Simply not the case.  ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER OVER YOUR OWN ACTIONS.  ONLY YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO CONTROL YOUR RESPONSE TO ANY GIVEN SITUATION.  The problem, I think, is that too many people think that would be rude.  Why?

The ringing phone could be a metaphor for anything.  What is your ringing phone right now?  Is it a co-worker who got the promotion to which you thought you were entitled, or earned?  Is it your spouse might soon lose his/her job?  Is it you or loved one just found out about a terminal illness?  How you respond matters.  The beauty in this is that you can choose how to respond, so choose whatever works best for you.  Just realize your response is a fully conscious decision.

So I had this ringing phone around late November 2011.  I answered it without hesitation and with relative calm.  I was resigning from my school position in December after giving requisite notice, moving back to New Jersey to start a cigar shop in Seaside Heights, NJ, and will live with my mother in a retirement community until Lorri and the kids follow in June, after their school year ends.  Did I feel bad about leaving my position mid-year?  A little.  One of the things I always know is that if I died in a car accident or from a heart attack on the way to school, the school leaders would probably show up to my wake, send flowers to the funeral home, and put an ad in the paper for my position the very next day or two.  They’d have to.  It’s not personal.  It just is what it is, and so was my decision to leave.  And please, living with mom in a retirement community at age 2, married with kids who had to stay back in another state?  Again, not for everyone.  Was right for us at the time and we did it.

I got to Jersey in February.  Seaside Heights town administrators encouraged me to have the shop ready by March 10, in time for the St. Patty’s Day Parade, one of the town’s biggest events of the year.  3 weeks?  I did it.  On my hands and knees, scrubbing grout off tile (whoever put the tile in had no idea what they were doing and spread the grout over the entire tile surface of 2,700 sq ft!), ordering supplies and inventory, filing applications and getting permits, etc.  It was non-stop for 3 straight weeks, but I did it!  We opened with 1 humidor, some furniture, nine boxes of cigars, and a coffee maker.  All my boys came to support me and Beach House Cigars was up and running.

Lorri and the boys returned in July but there was no room at my mother’s and Lorri hadn’t found a house to buy yet, so she stayed with the boys in a friend’s basement about 40 minutes from where I was and where she worked (she was able to get her old job back).  And, God bless her, she did it with a smile because she got to see and spend time with her best friend and her family everyday.  I kept working my ass off at the shop.  We would see each other when we could.

Early July, I injured what I thought was my calf muscle while playing basketball.  I walked on it the entire month of July, soaking it nightly at my mother’s in a garbage bucket full of ice and water.

Early August, the younger brother of a college friend and fraternity brother (the younger brother also is in the fraternity) walks into the shop to say hello after hearing I was back in town.  He noticed the doctorate degree in Education from Rutgers hanging on the wall behind the register, pointed to it, and asked me if it was real!  I said yes.  He then informed me he is the Superintendent of the local school system and asked if I’d be interested in a job.  I said no with the reason being I would only return to education if it meant working for a forward-thinking school system doing everything in their power to help kids.  He claimed his system was.  We parted ways with the understanding I might check it out.  Knowing Seaside slows to a snail’s pace in the winter, I looked into it.  I loved what they were doing for kids.  He returned a week later to say hello and I expressed interest in applying for a position, any position. He told me I’d have to go through the same process as everyone else.  I did and I was hired as a paraprofessional at around $20,000 per year.

Just after being hired, I learned that what I thought was a pulled calf muscle was instead a completely torn Achilles, requiring immediate surgery.  The problem was that with me waiting so long, each end of my tendon was atrophied.  They clipped each end of it and used some wire mesh and the tendon from a dead person to fix it (so they told me. it wasn’t April 1 but I love my doc and he has a great sense of humor so to this day, I still don’t know how he repaired it).

I had surgery, still living at mom’s, wife and kids still in a basement 40 minutes away, shop running on empty without me there for a few weeks, and school about to start in a few days.  Yes, my phones were ringing.

School starts, I make it through the halls on crutches of what seems to be the longest ranch building in all of New Jersey.  Shop is slowing considerably.  Lorri finds a house.

Early October, we are back together as a family.  Yay!  I have a job to replace at least some income difference from leaving Virginia.  Yay!  Lorri has her old job back. Yay!  Kids are set in a new school and will be in this community for a while.  Yay!  Things are rocking!

October 29, 2012, Sandy hits.  Shop is gone.  House is severely disabled for a few weeks.  School closes and serves as emergency shelter for days.  The entire area was devastated to say the least.

In November, I could see things changing.  Everyone’s phone was ringing at the same time.  And, misery loves company.   I started to get concerned.  The shop is gone.  Our house is without electricity, heat, and water for 2 weeks now and we had to make due with friends and my mother offering help).  I am earning only $20,000 per year.  My medical bills from surgery piled up, as I wasn’t yet covered by health benefits. I had every reason to freak out.  I saw how so many around me were choosing to react to something which was COMPLETELY OUT OF THEIR CONTROL, a HURRICANE! There was no way I was going down that road of self-sorrow and self-pity.

Instead, I read a book a dear friend gave me after I shared with hi what I was feeling.  The book he gave me was the Secret.  I had watched the video before and I even might have read it before.  But it was appropriate to review given the situation.  I firmly believe in the power of positive thinking.  So, what did I do?

I got out the t-shirts which made me feel great just by looking at them, t-shirts with the artwork of a dear friend, Jay Alders, on them.  Jay is one of the kindest, nicest people I know who most always puts things in a positive perspective.  I wore one of his shirts to bed every night so that I was wrapped in positive vibes as the last thing I did for the day and the first thing I did in the morning. I would look at myself in the mirror and say aloud positive affirmations that all will be okay.  I smiled at everyone I saw.  I volunteered to help other Sandy sufferers so I could see how fortunate I was.  After all, my electricity, heat, and water would eventually return sooner than some of theirs would.  And I lost a cigars shop; not a house, not a vehicle I rely on to get back and forth to work, not a family member.  I momentarily lost a business!  So what!  I wasn’t doing any sales anyway.  I would light a candle reminding me of great things like the beach or the holidays.  I would listen to music by my boy Kevin Sousa who is so talented and always so full of positivity.  And so on.  And this went on for months.  To me, it’s like the requisite pre-flight speech about the oxygen mask.  Adults must first take care of themselves before taking care of the infant because the infant would have no shot otherwise.  Same for me.  I had to take care of myself first, so that I could positively impact those around me.  The result?

My Achilles was back to at least no boot or crutches.  The house returned to normal.  Like I did in Virginia, someone at the school resigned unexpectedly in December, vacating an administrator’s position.  I applied for it and got it.  I was named Vice-Principal on January 5, 2013.  Income difference fixed.  Later that year, the head basketball coach resigned.  I did not express interest because I didn’t know what I was going to do about the cigar shop. But, after talking with a few of the players who said they’d be happy if I coached, I went for it and got it.  Basketball was in my life again.   I found a new site for the cigar shop in my hometown and reopened in the summer.  Whereas I did $33,000 in total sales from March-October in Seaside, I did $28,000 in July 2013, alone, in the new place. Lorri and the kids were set.  No more basements.  No more moving schools.  I was in a great place.  I believe with my whole being that it was the power of positive thinking that got me through it.  Had I hung around with the self-pity people or the negative thinkers, no way am I able to appreciate and give thanks to my current situation allowing more of such to enter my life.  I would have been closed-minded to any good coming my way.

Fast forward to now, I just gave up a six-figure salary, great benefits, a pension, and possible tenure so I could give greater amounts of money to those in need through following my passion for cigars.

As you can imagine, Lorri’s side immediately started the regular line of questioning.  Again?  What is Steve doing now?  Oh my gosh, are you okay?  And it is starting to mess with her head but I give her a ton of credit.  She shares it with me and lets me know I have her support.

My side knows better.  They are all business owners themselves who do great things for the local community!  Their majority one-word response to learning of the news was “Congratulations!”.  It was followed with “I am so happy for you!”, “You are going to do awesome things for people”. “Good for you!”.  That’s why they are my guys.  As I previously posted, birds of a feather flock together.  I am a positive guy and CHOOSE to surround myself with positive people.  Regarding Lorri’s side, well, that’s for her to ponder.  I can tell you Lorri, herself, is coming to my side of the line.  She is finally, after all these years, almost at the big 5-0 (sorry, hun J) pursuing her innermost passions which are vet medicine AND nutrition and weightlifting.  I freggin’ love that she’s going after it!  Love it!

Is my phone ringing right now?  Hell yeah!  I need a few things to come through first, though, for my vision of what Beach House Cigars could be to become a reality.  No room for, no time for, no anything for anxiety, concern, worry.  Ticked I even wrote those words for your sake just now.  I just know everything will be okay.  Know how?

Because it is 9:22am on Thursday right now.  I am going to finish this and post it within 8 minutes.  I am then going to get ready to go work in the shop all day.  On the way there, I am going to listen to 90.5 The Night during the car ride, I am going to Rook Coffee in Wall Township for a large hot yirgi with milk and sugar, and I may sneak (if Lorri doesn’t read this) a piece of raspberry coffee cake from Simona’s.  I am going to get to the shop, play some Kevin Sousa, light up a Perfection cigar, the first I ever blended for Beach House Cigars, have my coffee cake with coffee, and act as if what I desire is already happening.  Only taking positive calls today folks!  Hope you do the same!

Love you all!  What?  I can't write that because I don't know you enough to write that I love you?  Amazing things happen with a heart full of gratitude, and kindness, and love!  I love you all!  And, I genuinely and sincerely want feedback on how that joke worked for you.  Did you do it?  Did it make you laugh?  Did it make them laugh?  I want to know because fun positive feedback is what gets me through.  I look forward to hearing from you.  I want to know!  Lol.  As always, thanks for reading.  My quick post took 2 ? hours over 3100 words!  Love this stuff!  Have a great rest of your week and weekend!  Talk to you Tuesday if not before!