The Power of Positive Confirmation - and the Risks....

With most of us there is a simple way of having a great conversation: take the input of the other person and confirm it in an intelligent and very active and creative way. Examples ?

1. See the cover picture - the (usually resigning) conclusion of spouses: avoid a conflict by the simple statement “Yes Dear”. Not the best example but it allows for great output with truly minimum effort: 7 letters and a space.
2. I discovered this very early in my career: if you have a strong manager who is full of (sometimes) amazing ideas. Whenever he or she proposes one to you that you should work on NOW and stop all the other 15 high priority tasks - the answer is: .....Yes Dear! Of course the more sophisticated and more credible version is to say: “What an amazing idea!” ....and then you explain in detail WHY it is great and go back to normal work afterwards. Chances are much higher than zero that the idea will never be raised again. But you should monitor this and be prepared for the opposite.
3. And here for one of the most dangerous versions of “Yes Dear”. If a candidate in and interview uses item 2. in a very clever and sophisticated way and the interviewer is not too experienced, the interviewer will come out extremely excited. What a candidate - all the right answers and more! Yes Dear. Hence it is key to create forced contradiction in interviews and watch carefully when it happens.

“Yes Dear” is an “empty shell” and works in meaningless conversations. If applied in important conversations it can create completely wrong foundations between people and lead to desaster.

“Yes Dear” works well with inattentive or inexperienced counterparts, also with those who demand confirmation more than any other input because it serves their expectations and desires. So it works with most of us sometimes and with many almost all the time.

“Yes Dear” works because the receiver wants or allows it, or has never thought about it and not because the sender does it.

Beware of “Yes Dear”