The Power of Politeness and Appreciation in Leadership

When Nelson Mandela was elected as president of South Africa in May 1994, he stood at the pinnacle of his fight against the horrors and injustice of the apartheid systems. The culmination of that victory would provide him with the democratic legitimacy to deal with those wrongs in any way he saw fit. They were injustices that had seen him sacrifice over 30 years of his own life to prison and the lives of many of his closest friends through the years of his struggle. The complexity of emotions he must have experienced, none of us could truly understand. He now had absolute power in his hands – it was time to address the generations of injustice and utter subjugation, the question was how? It was his moment……

He arrived at the presidential offices for his first day surrounded by the team who had helped him to such an emphatic election victory. On walking through the offices he noticed that many of the staff were clearing their desks and packing boxes, making way for what seems the inevitable regime change that was about to hit them. After all, how could an exclusively white group of civil servants possibly serve the first black President of South Affrica - it was beyond comprehension. The new ANC government was about to sweep aside all vestiges of the despised de Klerk Administration.

Mr Mandela had a very different view of the situation and those hard working civil servants. He asked his chief advisor to hastily convene all staff that were remaining so he could talk to them.? The staff were gathered and they all awaited what they thought would be the inevitable summary dismissal….. instead something extraordinary was about to unfold. Mr Mandela commenced his address…..

“I observe many of you are packing boxes with the intent to leave. If that is what you want to do then, of course, that is your right and I cannot stop you. But if you are leaving because you think I want you to, or the colour of your skin will prevent you working with me you are very much mistaken….. We are turning a page and there is a new chapter to be written in our great country’s history. If you want to stay you would be most welcome, we want you to stay, we need your help and support in the coming months. Please join me in taking our nation through its next stage of evolution and a bright new future based on equality and justice. All I ask is you work and give me your best, as I intend to do myself.”?

Many were stunned at these remarks, how could he enact change if he maintained the existing establishment around him. Yet his closest confides were not at all surprised. They new his heart and that he lived and breathed every word of the justice he had spent his life fighting for. They simply smiled at the politeness that commanded ultimate respect and compelled people to oscillate to his personality and heart.

Years later as his presidency came to its natural end many of those civil servants from that first day had remained loyal and help support the incredible journey he had taken his beloved nation on. He was asked how he would like to be remembered - his reply “as an ordinary human being with virtues and vices rather than sone kind of diety.”

In August 1940 the British stood on the edge of military catastrophe as the horrors of World War II unfolded. The Wehrmacht had cut huge swathes through Europe. Following the disaster of the Battle of Dunkirk in May of that year, Prime Minister Winston Churchill knew the country he loved so dearly was on the edge of the abyss of domination and conquest by the third Reich. Alone, isolated and beleaguered, defeat seems inevitable as the United Kingdom would collapse in the same way as many other European countries had in recent history.

Goering ordered his Luftwaffe to attack, the air assault would be the precursor to a sea and land onslaught of the British isles.

Mr Churchill had massive choices to balance, what was the right way forward in this almost impossible set of circumstances? He choose appreciation and thanks! His response was to compel his fellow citizens through gratitude. In a truly scintillating ?address to the British parliament, with pride and passion cracking through every word he boomed “The gratitude of every home in our island??…..and indeed throughout the world is owed to the British airman, who undaunted by odds, unwearied by the mortal danger are turning the tide…..!Never before in the field of human conflict has so much been owed by so many to so few.”

The impact of this moment has echoed for an eternity, the luftwaffe were repelled in the Battle of Britain and what appeared the inevitable tide of military history was turned. Ultimately ending in an allied victory in 1945 as World War II ended. All aggressors should heed the lessons of World War II - weapons of destruction will never ultimately overcome human will and a sense of what is right when it is inspired to mobilise through appreciation of their efforts and sacrifices.

Many things have changed over the years since these examples of politeness and appreciation were expressed. Many things…. But not all! A simple please and thank you will always retain magical properties when delivered with sincerity and authenticity. They remain the greatest single return on investment any leader can make in the precious currency of inspiration and motivation. They connect with the human heart at the most fundamental level - respect and dignity.?

Whilst we may all not be Presidents and Prime Ministers of great nations, one of the greatest challenges of leadership is the same irrespective of who you are responsible for. How do we maintain politeness and appreciation for others in our day to day interactions and maintain humility in our approach on a daily basis.

The force of circumstances can often work against politeness and appreciation. Success can often seduce leaders into a belief that they are the reason for achievement, not those who work tirelessly for them. Failure can lead to defensive behaviours where we aim to justify under performance through deflection and castigation of others.

If a leader can remain basic principles of politeness and recognise the contribution of others through word and deed and then deliver it with heartfelt sincerity, them they will not only recalibrate the forces of arrogance and blame, they will also compel those around them to higher deeds. We all respond to respect in a manner that means we will deliver more for longer in a sustainable way - none of us should ever forget that principle.

Humility is the great balancing force of leadership and its greatest single manifestation lies in the application of politeness and appreciation, In times of success, when egos can grow, it keeps our feet firmly pinned to the floor, in times of difficulty it maintains perspective and honesty in our approach to understanding the causes of failure. Yet, like leaves in a strong wind, its principles can easily be blown away in a storm of day to day pressure for results and immediate outcomes. All leaders must work to maintain these principles no matter what counter forces maybe.

Therefore the great challenge for all leaders is how to preserve and utilise politeness and appreciation in a balanced! support/challenge/trust based environment. This can be done by constantly recalibrating against the below principles.

·??????We must publicly and privately credit others for achievements attributed to ourselves at every opportunity.

·??????Ensure we afford people basic manners of acknowledgement throughout the day. Please and thank you take us a second of our time - ask how often they are being used on a person to person basis.

·??????Ensure we spend time with others in their workspace, not simply our own environment. Understand their reality. Show empathy and appreciate their reality.

·??????Allow others to speak first and not interrupt.?Listening is not about casting judgement facilitating empathy.

·??????Accept we don’t always have the right answers. Recognise you can be wrong.

·??????Aim to put others priorities before our own when dealing with problems and daily task lists.

·??????Stop and listen, even when you think you are busy.

·??????Always ensure people get feedback

·??????Always be prepared to say thank you for what people do for you in a genuine and heart felt way. Never forget what they do for you, big or small.

·??????Don’t obsess over tomorrow or worry about yesterday, focus on the issues of today and support your teams to overcome them.

Coercion can never achieve sustainable results.

Bullying can never achieve sustainable results?

Aggression will never achieve sustainable results

Manipulation will never achieve sustainable results

Inspiration of the human heart is the only way to achieve sustainable results. And a simple please and thank you, when delivered with heartfelt sincerity, on a day in and day out basis is the most basic and pure way that this can be achieved. For respect and dignity are principles that should be afforded to all -?we should all give it a go make the move and watch the reciprocal behaviours flow.

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