On the power of playing to your strengths

I was allocated the task of staying at home to wait for the plumber last week. The squirty tap in the sink had been dripping for months & we finally got round to calling the manufacturers to fix it. I doubt they describe themselves as "manufacturers" though. Probably "artisans."

Anyway, there I was waiting for the artisan to arrive, tackling Spelling Bee (genius level four times in five days ... I'm obsessed) blithely unaware that I was simply not up to the job.

The artisan turned out to be a young, handsome (can I say that? Am I objectifying the tradesman?) Italian. He arrived by tube and promptly asked me how to turn off the water. I had no idea. Had to phone a friend, who was temporarily engaged. Whilst we were waiting for a response, I politely asked if he'd like a coffee. "Yes please" he said.

"Milk?"

He looked aghast.

"Espresso?"

He smiled and nodded. The problem now being that my daughter, who has worked as a barista, and my son, who is just very fussy, have both pointed out, on several occasions, that I am utterly hopeless at making coffee and haven't the first idea how to use our fancy pants coffee machine. I'm regularly told that the coffee I produce is "disgusting."

So whilst the artisan fiddled about under the sink I ran water through the machine, made two espressos which I then hid behind the toaster, presenting him with the third which I hoped might be drinkable. I left him to it so I don't know whether he drank it or poured it down the sink. Once he'd fixed the squirty tap, obviously.

Of the two tasks required to make the whole operation a success, I could do neither without help. Annoyingly, I'm the only one in the household who knows how to get an online daily parking permit for visiting tradesmen but since he came on the tube I wasn't able to display this skill.

Which is a very long winded way of getting to this week's theme. Play to your strengths.

Connecting with our Public

Tanja and I had a fabulous week last week. We left Zoom behind and took ourselves off to see some real people in real life near to where they live. OK, Guildford and Tunbridge Wells are not exactly the Outer Hebrides but the point is we got out there. It was properly inspiring.

In Guildford, 18 or so women walked into the room, all somewhat nervous about the prospect of returning to work after a long time out, many talking about lacking in confidence. After an hour or so concentrating not on what they were missing but what they bring to the party - judgement, wisdom, incredible time management and not to mention the ability to talk to other grownups on the telephone (see last week's missive - "young" people apparently can't do this), they walked away with a spring in their step. Very satisfying.

Here we are during the coffee break in Tunbridge Wells with a cross section of the audience, two of whom you will notice brought their babies along.

(Re)Building your Confidence

So just how do you rebuild confidence? It's about building from a position of strength. Here's a short action plan:

1. Start with what you're good at

A friend asked me how long I spend writing this weekly blog. Not long, is the answer. I jot down ideas as they come to me and then, when the mood takes me, I crack open a beer, sit down at my computer and tap away. It's not a job, I love writing.

My mum and I use exactly the same recipe for flapjack. Hers flies out of the box, people visit simply to sample it and ask for her secret recipe. Mine can barely compete against a chocolate digestive.

A coach would talk about building on your strengths. They are 100% correct.

Remember all those performance reviews where you came out worrying about the things your manager said you needed to improve on (and ignoring what they said you were good at). Waste of time. You focused on the wrong thing. Forget your weaknesses. If you're no good at detail, you're no good at detail. Never going to change (believe me, I know). Focus instead on what you are good at.

2. Practice really does make perfect

Doing is better than thinking. Stop worrying whether you can do it and just give it a go. Fail. Learn. Remember the words of Samuel Beckett.

Ever tried. Ever Failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

In The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, the authors talk about "mastery". They are not talking about reaching perfection but about the process of having a go, learning, adjusting, and trying again.

3. Lower Your Standards

Done is better than perfect. (Sheryl Sandberg)

I could now spend a few paragraphs explaining what she means by that and why I agree but I'm short of time and I suspect you get it. And you know what they say about "done" being better than "perfect."

4. Pay it Forward

Helping others, being useful, giving advice, seeing others benefit from your experience - what could be more confidence boosting than that?

Seek out opportunities to help people who could benefit from your experience and advice. It's what we try to do and I can't tell you how good that makes us feel. We really do know how to help people fulfil their potential.

5. Build an Advisory Board

Whether it's a friend who will push you to challenge yourself, an old work colleague who will remind you how good you are or a trusted client who will give you honest feedback about what they value and how you could be even better, we all benefit from having a good support network.

Confidence comes from knowing you're not on your own, someone else has your back, there's a sounding board you can turn to and a friend who will give you a boost when you need it.

Playing to the Gallery

By contrast, our politicians seem to be more focused on playing to the gallery. Rishi, apparently, is good at spreadsheets. Sadly, he is not very good at politics.

This week's strategy was to scare us into voting Conservative. He took to the podium earlier in the week with a speech all about the terrors that face us beyond these shores. The problem (well, one of them anyway) was that his voice was even more nasal than normal. He definitely sounded like he'd got a very bad cold, so everyone in the room was probably more scared about the prospect of catching Covid than the other dangers he was trying to highlight.

And Keir Starmer clearly hasn't read the list rule. It has to be 3, 5, 7 or 10. No one has a list of 6 things.

My News

Looking after an injured soldier again.

The Cultural Slot

Well, when I've not been playing Spelling Bee or gallivanting across the south of England, I've been VERY cultured.

Went to see: Scottish Ballet perform Streetcar Named Desire. Very powerful, even though I was dealing with some upsetting news about yet another cycling injury (not mine, not life-threatening)

Also went to see: Exhibition of Textiles at the Barbican with my good friend Olivia, to cheer me up and take my mind of the aforementioned accident.

I'm reading: The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. Epic.

Im playing and doing: Scrabble and a 1,000 piece jigsaw. With the injured. He's just beaten me. Hoping he'll be back on the bike very soon as it's doing my self confidence no good at all.

I'm watching: Traces. On the BBC. Just finished series one. Really enjoyed it. A bit different. Still has the obligatory murdered woman in it but nevertheless it was entertaining.

That's it. Last word goes to Maya Angelou, on the subject of power: