"The Power of Personal Growth: Setting the Foundation for Success in the New Year"

I welcome you to the first installment of Kendel’s Coaching Corner newsletter! My name is Kendel Paulsen, and I am a certified ICF coach who has worked in government, corporate, and non-profit settings over the last 30 years. I have been working in the coaching profession for over seven years and am ready to begin sharing the stories, the experiences, and the potential tools that will start you on your journey toward success. I hope that over our time together, you will begin to grow into the person you’ve always wanted to be!?

I would like to start by telling you a little about my journey so far. In 2017, once the kids were grown, the husband was healthy and thriving, and it was just me and the dog. I said, “There has to be more to life than this!” In typical Kendel fashion, I ordered 15 books on what to do with my life. I skimmed two, read three, and then, the last book I didn’t think I had ordered was delivered to the door. It was written by a woman who was much like me, had a career, raised the children (and sometimes the husband), and now it was my turn, but I had no idea what I wanted to do. She described her work with other women, from those just starting to those wondering what was next after years of work, struggling to determine their future, and I said, “THAT’S what I want to do.” My passion had always been women’s advocacy, and I wanted to continue that journey in this new and exciting way - coaching and I haven’t looked back.?

My coaching journey has much more to do with continuous growth than money or recognition. I have been a lifelong learner - things interest me. I want to know why things work the way they do and how someone realized that specific area or answer needed to be created. I especially like learning why we do what we do and why we make the choices we do. The brain and what is behind the decisions we make in our lives fascinates me. This curiosity has helped me continue to grow personally and professionally over the decades (yes, I said decades. Oy.).?

When we dedicate time to personal growth, we develop many skills that enhance our lives personally and professionally. It builds our confidence and resilience, encourages us to set meaningful goals and achieve a sense of purpose and fulfillment, strengthens our relationships by developing a richer level of emotional intelligence and, thus, our communication skills, and improves our overall well-being - mentally, emotionally, and physically. In conclusion, investing in your continuous personal growth strategy creates a potentially fuller, more balanced, and rewarding life.?

We achieve personal growth through strategic planning - just like any business. As with my business, I look forward to the coming year of 2025, and I ask myself, what are the goals I want to achieve by December 31st of that year that will help me grow? Which goals will bring me the greatest fulfillment in the coming months? What goals align with my life purpose as it relates to my personal and professional goals? How will they support my personal growth strategy to create a fuller and more rewarding life??

If you look at any business or person who is successful at continuous growth, they are very goal-oriented. They know who they are, they know what they want, they understand why they want it, and they know they can achieve it through dedication and hard work, so much so that when you are working on a ‘true’ goal, it doesn't necessarily feel like ‘work.’ They also look at their life and business with a strategy towards success. A strategic plan of action that will drive them toward their goal. It sounds cold when you read it back to yourself, but it isn’t. It’s not cold because when you create a plan of action for a life you desire, a career that will bring you fulfillment, you enrich your life, not deprive yourself.

Goals are great, and a strategic action plan sounds so… driven. But… what about this, or what about that? What do I do with the ‘what ifs? Overcoming those challenges to get you where you want to go can feel so much more daunting than the actual work to get you there. You overcome those challenges by understanding what you are so fearful of. Many of us never build the life we want because we fear that first step into the unknown. It feels like you are walking off a cliff, but, in reality, you are not. What you are doing is taking action, and that action is within your control to achieve or not achieve, and that can be an overwhelming sense of responsibility.?

Here’s a fascinating piece of information I picked up in my growth journey to understand why we make the choices we do and what causes us to do or not do. Your brain is wired to protect you. As we evolved, we went from hunter-gatherers to farmers to industrialists to couch potatoes if we so desire. In the early days of the brain's evolution, it was designed to protect you from the saber-toothed tiger. Eventually, humans evolved to conquer the saber-toothed tiger, and our degree of survival against the former dominant species of the wild became non-existent. That being said, the brain is still the brain. It is still designed to protect you from the known and the unknown. Think of it like a submarine's radar, constantly on the lookout for enemy vessels. So, instead of finding the tiger, your brain is finding and fearing the unknown. It doesn’t mean to set you up this way. It is doing what it is designed to do. So, how do you overcome this challenge? You do the reality test. Write down your fears. Then ask yourself, how true is that fear? Give it a ranking of 1 for those fears that are 100% true. A 2 for those somewhat true fears - but you can overcome them. And a 3 for those that are not true at all. When you are done, what is the truth you see in front of you? Use this measurement of success to remind yourself that my brain is designed to protect me, and I thank it for that, but I’ve got this.?

Let me share a quick story to drive this home. I had a client who had worked in industry for their entire career - over 30 years. They were burnt out, but they could not let go of their position despite the constant symptoms of anxiety, depression, and exhaustion. The conversation went something like this:

Coach (me): What precisely is keeping you from walking away?

Client: I am concerned that exiting the position too early would leave me short of funds in a post-employment scenario.

Coach: What makes you believe you will not have enough to sustain yourself for the next twenty to thirty years?

Client: Well, my financial advisor said I’m more than taken care of, but I worry that something bad will happen and I won’t be able to recover.

Coach: What could happen that would be so significant to cause you to lose everything?

Client: I don’t know, but I am just worried that something could happen, and I will lose everything.

Coach: Let’s say something tragic or catastrophic happens. What recourse do you have?

Client: Well, a friend asked me to help them as a consultant, and then another wanted me to come to work for them, they replied.

Coach: You have options should the worst-case scenario occur, so what is keeping you in this position?

Client: What if I get sick and I don’t have the company’s health care insurance to protect me?

Coach: Knowing that this is a real concern, what are your options if you need health insurance after leaving the company?

Client: I looked into getting bridge insurance until I’m 65. It appears reasonable, and my financial advisor says I have more than enough to cover the costs without significantly impacting my life.

Coach: Hearing yourself say that out loud, how much does that address your concerns?

Client: I guess I’m good. I don’t really have a valid reason. I'm just so uncomfortable not working. I've worked since I was 17 years old, and I’ve never been without a job.

Coach: I hear you asking yourself, "If I am not working, what is my purpose for getting up in the morning?" How true is that statement?

Client: I’m just not sure what I am supposed to do with myself if I stop working. Who will I be, and what will I do?

Coach: What excites you when you think about unlimited time?

Client: Well, I really want to continue doing the charity work I have been doing and expand that to serve more people. Yeah, but is that okay?

Coach: What makes you feel that it isn’t okay to do?

Client: I don’t know. I guess I just never really thought that being happy with my work was something I could get to do.

Coach: Let’s review what I hear you saying. You are financially secure for the next twenty to potentially thirty years. You can afford health insurance to protect yourself against any significant illness. If you could, you would spend your time working on your charity to build it out to serve more people, and that work would give you purpose and meaning in your life. So, I will ask you again: what are you afraid of?

Client: Change, they stated. I’m afraid of change. I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?

Coach: What makes change scary?

Client: The unknown. What’s around the corner, I cannot see.

Coach: How much do you want to change your life right now?

Client: Tremendously. I want to change my life and get out of this misery I am in day in and day out. It is literally killing me slowly.

Coach: What must you do first to start making change happen?

Client: I have to quit my job so that I can move on and do what I want to do. I’ve earned it.

Six months later, the client left their position and is thriving today as they build the community outreach program they served. They spent the first several months learning about nonprofits, how to set them up, and how to develop a business plan of action. They have continued to grow through engagements within their community that have only contributed to their goal. Our growth journeys only end when we let our fears keep us from taking the steps to make it happen.

So, what steps do you need to take to begin your journey? Maybe it’s not as dramatic as leaving a job and starting a nonprofit. Maybe it’s as simple as changing a habit, incorporating an exercise routine, or getting a certification or degree you’ve desired for so long. I will tell you this: start small. Test the waters. See what feels comfortable and what doesn’t. Once you decide, create your actionable steps toward success. Create your strategic plan. Know your goals, what actions are required to achieve them, when and in what order they need to be accomplished, what is the timeline to complete the action, and what support you need to make it happen.?

Learning a new way of operating in the world can be challenging, but if you set clear and realistic goals, your chances of change through growth are significantly higher than if you just sit on the couch and dream about it.?

So here is to 2025! No New Year resolutions - only realistic goals that meet your desired outcomes at the end of the year. Who do I want to be? What do I want to be doing? With whom do I want to be doing that work? When do I want to be doing the work? Start your growth journey towards success by answering these questions and then begin. You’ve got this!