The Power of Personal Growth: One Leader's Double Win, in Business and Life

As the Marketing Director of a multinational company, Joanna (not her real name) was highly respected by her board of directors and colleagues. But despite her professional successes, Joanna was struggling to retain top talent on her team. Joanna knew that building stronger connections with her team at work would require her to be more attuned to their needs and emotions. Determined to turn things around, Joanna decided to focus on improving her empathy – starting at home with her 17-year-old daughter, who was struggling with depression.

During our coaching session, Joanna committed to asking her daughter for feedback as a way to practice being more empathetic. A few weeks later, meeting up with myself and several colleagues, Joanna shared what happened.

“I asked my daughter for feedback. She’s been really difficult with me recently. Typical teenager stuff, but it’s gotten nasty. She had a big blow up the other day. I don’t know what it was... homework, staying up late on her computer... whatever. I would have normally taken her phone away for twenty-four hours, but I decided to try something different. I asked for feedback. I asked her to rate me as a mother. And she said... You’re my mom, I can’t rate you as a mother... but if you asked me to rate you as a cook, I’d give you a zero.”

Everyone laughed. Joanna smiled.

“At first, I laughed too. Then I got angry, when I was alone. Why did I have to cook? We have a helper! Why did I have to choose between being a mother and a corporate executive? Why? Why did I have to be excellent at both? My husband doesn’t have to.” She paused, thinking. “But then something shifted in my mind. One evening, I gave my helper the night off and started preparing dinner. I chose my daughter’s favourite dish. Lasagna. She came into the kitchen and said, what are you doing? I’m cooking, I said. She stood around and watched. She didn’t help, but we talked. It was the first time in... ages. We talked about memories of our family trip together five years ago.”

“What happened next?” a colleague asked

“A couple days later, I found her in the kitchen making a cake. We baked it together. And we talked more. I think she wants to be a cook. And right then... I remembered... when she was little, she used to hang out at my mother’s house, watching her cook. My mother isn’t around anymore. This whole thing seems to be about losing her grandmother. And I never even suspected anything like that.”?

As Joanna’s empathy grew, so did her daughter’s well-being. Her daughter’s depression began to lift and Joanna noticed a positive ripple effect at work as well. Turnover on her team decreased and Joanna’s colleagues reported feeling more connected and supported.

Joanna’s journey to self-improvement not only improved her relationship with her daughter, but it also had a lasting impact on her team at work. When leaders change themselves, it can inspire others to do the same, leading to widespread positive transformation.

“It was so easy to turn everything around,” Joanna later said. “All I had to do was let go and listen to her. Why did it take me so long?”

I don’t know why it sometimes takes us so long to transform ourselves. It’s clearly painful. But the status quo of doing nothing is often more painful. Perhaps we can gradually learn to change ourselves faster.

I’m reminded of Brené Brown’s quote: “Rarely does a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.”

After all, leadership is fundamentally all about connection, isn’t it? The art of connecting and inspiring others to achieve great things. Building strong relationships, understanding and meeting the needs of others, and fostering a sense of community and collaboration.

Perhaps what made it difficult for Joanna, was that she needed to?discover that leadership is more about connection than her technical expertise and managerial authority.

Perhaps I too need to remember that from time to time.?

(This post is adapted from an extract of my book, The Eagle That Drank Hummingbird Nectar.)