The Power of Owning Your Life: My Journey Overcoming Burnout

My work with clients at Acheloa Wellness often requires them to share their vulnerabilities with me. Intimate conversations arise when they experience symptoms of burnout in particular. I know that it can feel scary to divulge information about physical, emotional, and/or mental health, especially when our culture normalizes excess stress and anxiety. This is why I not only try to be a support system but also a mirror for my clients when they cannot see themselves and the impact of their choices.

I value my clients and the bravery it requires for them to open up. So, in an effort to meet my past, present, and future clients with the same sense of courage, I thought I would share my story and my relationship with burnout.

The End of the Honeymoon Phase: Burnout Crept Into My Life

In January 2013, I transferred into a new position within my current company that had employed me for the past 3.5 years. I made the change because I felt friction in the role that I was in and wanted to go to a “sexier” service line where there was more travel and less hours. I was also seeking ways to live a healthy, balanced life.?

Initially, I enjoyed the honeymoon phase of a new job. My position required consistent travel to Minneapolis. The novelty of working across the country and the promise of a new phase in my life enamored me. And yet, the baggage of my past quickly caught up with me.?

As I began my new job, I was thrown onto my first client without a formal training or onboarding, even though I was told to expect this. Adding insult to injury, I quickly realized that this new engagement had extremely draining circumstances. My manager consistently set relentlessly high expectations for someone in my position. Compounded with an exhausting travel schedule (i.e., 6am flights to Minneapolis every Monday followed by a late-night return every Thursday) and an expectation to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with my team. We even commuted in the same car to and from the client site together. I could not escape from work unless I was showering or sleeping.

My Trip to the Hospital: Burnout Derailed My Life

On February 13th, less than one month into my new role, my team and I took a dinner break in the hotel bar the midst of completing a high-stress project. As I ate, I noticed irritation on my body in the form of hives on my neck and chest. The red blotches started spreading all over my body as I felt a tightness in my throat. My team and I assumed I was experiencing some kind of allergic reaction despite not having any food allergies. Alarmed, I told them I needed to go to the hospital to which my manager replied, “Bring your laptop.”?

When I arrived at the hospital, the nurses and doctors initially thought I had a food allergy as well. They gave me a hospital-grade Benadryl and after a few hours my hives cleared. I was released around 2am. To ensure that my team was aware how late I was at the hospital, I sent an email on the ride home so that they could reasonably assume I did not finish any work on the project.?

The next morning, because we commuted together from the hotel, my team was sympathetic to how I was, but from the moment we arrived at the office and as we were unpacking our laptop, my manager asked me if I finished the work asked of me while in the hospital. Like clockwork, I felt hives begin to spread all over my body. My skin felt hot and my sense of control over the day seemed to slip from my grasp. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, lifted my sweater, and saw the tomato-colored skin that was taking over my body... again! Until this experience, I never had hives in my life! “What’s going on?!”??

I went back into the team room, showed them the hives on my face and promptly returned to the hospital.

Upon arrival, the nurses performed a full examination, similar to the night before. When the doctor arrived, his demeanor was different from the others. Instead of asking about what I ate, he asked me a series of questions about my work, my lifestyle and stress levels. Once I explained my work, he hypothesized that the hives occurred as a result of stress. He told me he was not going to give me any medicine. Instead, he turned on the TV, switched it to HGTV and walked out of the room. He said he’d be back in a few hours.?

Initially, my brain felt like a spinning hamster wheel going 100 mph. It was Valentine's Day and I had a date waiting for me in NYC. I was scheduled to fly home later that day and the thought of changing my flight and getting stuck another day in Minneapolis had my stress at sky-high levels.?

I ran through every scenario I could think of before finally surrendering to the moment. Sitting half-naked on a cold table with no service on my phone, I laid back and watched HGTV. Per the doctor’s orders, I neglected my laptop and work responsibilities altogether. When the doctor returned two hours later, my hives were gone. Just as he suspected, my symptoms occurred as a result of stress. He urged me to consider the cost of my stress , because “if your lifestyle and this career continue in the same trajectory, it will only get worse.”

Coming to Terms with My Reality: Burnout Caught Up With Me

The question we’re all thinking: Did you make it back for your valentine’s date? Yes, I did. I was completely exhausted, but grateful that I was released from the hospital, able to make it back to the office and caught my flight home for the weekend.

When I returned to work, I lied to my team and told them the doctor prescribed me more allergy medication to cure the symptoms. Truthfully, I felt embarrassed. And scared. As a former Division 1 college athlete, I pushed myself through rigorous workouts and thrived under intense pressure. That’s who I was. While my mind was willing to push through, my body raised the white flag and I had no say in the matter. I honestly never imagined stress could have such a powerful effect on my body.?

I wish I could say that I fell forward, took this moment and made lemonade, but 2013 was a dark moment for me. Embarrassed, I told no one. Not my colleagues, not my friends, and not my family. I spent a lot of time blaming myself. I kept wondering if I was smart enough or gritty enough to endure working at this prestigious company. As the weeks passed, while this project ended, my confidence took a significant hit.

Stewing in my own mini-depression, my breaking point sparked an important realization: “This has to be my rock bottom. Otherwise, I’ll be dead by 30. And if this happened to me, it must be happening to others out there.”

What Factors Contributed to My Burnout?

As I reflect on this time, years later, I recognize that I blamed external parts of my life for my unhappiness--that terrible manager, not enjoying my job, my 3-hour daily commute. I used to torture myself by cutting out the people and things I loved to achieve my professional goals. It was a masochistic relationship with self as I made my way up the corporate ladder.?

I now know that I was not acknowledging the parts of myself that contributed to my personal burnout; the part of me that didn’t feel good enough or smart enough or strong enough. As a result, I consistently made lifestyle choices that did not serve me.?

My Diet

During my years working at the accounting firm, and especially during my 6-months of annual busy season, I ate takeout almost every night. I’m talking about ALL the unhealthy stuff: fried food, sushi, burgers, milkshakes, heavy Italian, etc. I ate to feed the empty hole in my heart. At the time, the only part of my life that brought me joy was thinking about what indulgent foods I could splurge on for dinner.

Additionally, I started drinking alcohol with much more frequency than I had in the past. Even if I finished work at 10 pm, I would meet up with colleagues for drinks and often stayed out until 4am. I would crash on couches, wake up at 7:30am and buy a new outfit at H&M when the store opened on the way to work. At the time, I was drinking at least 4-5 nights per week. Without putting a number on the amount consumed, let’s just say I was way over the limit of what’s considered “binge drinking”. These escapades were counterproductive coping mechanisms to temporarily escape the constant stress of my life.

My Exercise Routine

As a Division 1 cross country and track athlete, in college I ran a minimum of 50 miles a week. When I started my job, I had no time for exercise. With a 3-hour commute and a 10+ hour work day there was no time. I allowed myself to be okay with all of this because my focus was to make a good first impression over anything else. I was neglecting my body’s needs entirely, which should have been a red flag from day 1.

My Burnout Symptoms

Within the first few years of work, I developed psoriasis and acne on my face, back, and chest. Sometimes I wore sunglasses in the office because my eyes would burn after staring at a screen under fluorescent lights for countless hours. Additionally, my temperament became inconsistent: laughing with colleagues one minute and crying in a hallway the next. Bubbly one minute and then shifting to anger and frustration at the drop of a hat. Now learned in Ayurveda, I now recognize these symptoms manifested as too much fire in the system (signs of Ppitta imbalance ). At the time, they all felt unrelated, so I treated them symptomatically.

I tried to alleviate these issues by taking birth control and going through several medical tests to figure out what’s causing all this pain and aggravation in my body and mind. I was putting “bandaids” on the symptoms without addressing the root of the problem: the unrelenting stress that permeated my life.?

What Could I Have Done to Prevent Burnout?

I could’ve been more aware of my body. In the moment, I took pills to alleviate discomfort without taking a moment to really pay attention to the “how,” “when,” and “why” of my symptoms.?

When we connect to our bodies, we can make healthier choices for ourselves such as prioritizing a break to work out or refilling your glass to drink more water. Additionally, we need to set personal and professional boundaries. For example, the night of my burnout, I could’ve told my manager that I would absolutely not work from the emergency room. Instead, I undermined my mental and physical health to appease his desire to finish the project.?

How Could I Have Overcome Burnout More Quickly?

I could’ve recognized and addressed my symptoms holistically! When I felt sick or distressed, I swept my issues under the rug and kept them to myself instead of seeking support. I went to the doctor time and time again by myself for years while refusing to confide in my friends or family.?

In my years of working with clients, I’ve noticed that we often try to quit our jobs or move to a new place because we think that the grass is greener in a new circumstance. However, if we refuse to confront our issues, we continue to carry that baggage with us on the next journey.

How Did I Move Past Burnout?

Many potential clients or followers of Acheloa Wellness’s social media have asked me how I moved past my struggle with burnout as they are now in the position that I used to be.?

We’re in a culture where we fantasize (and believe!) that the next promotion, the next job, the next partner or the next move will quench our thirst. But it won’t… that is, unless you decide to do something different first.?

My path to break-through burnout came down to two things: service to self and service to others. As they say on the airlines, "put your oxygen mask on before assisting others". For the first time in a long time, I had to be selfish to become selfless. While still balancing my full-time job, I harnessed any excess energy I could muster into healing myself. Over the next few years, I invested over $100,000 in coaching, retreats, workshops, trainings and other ways to bounce-back. Yes, that number is right. While this may seem like a lot of money, the cost of doing nothing felt far more expensive and detrimental.

On this journey to burnout recovery, I learned boundaries, found true balance and regained my health. With this newly-found enthusiasm, energy and personal confidence, I gained the strength to pivot my life. As my way of "burning the boats", I built my well-being coaching firm, Acheloa Wellness , aimed to coach hard-working, ambitious women break through the effects of stress.?

How can YOU move past burnout? It starts with realizing that your current circumstances and perspectives may be pulling you farther from your place of empowered living. When I meet with clients for the first time, I ask them, “Where are you going to be in three years if you continue on the path that you’re on? Where could you be instead if you decided to take back the reins?”?It starts by making the decision to break the pattern that hasn't been serving you for a long time.

Next Steps if You're in This Same Spot

If you’re feeling the symptoms of burnout creeping into your life in increasingly invasive ways, I encourage you to take action. Find someone who’s walked your path and was able to turn their life around. Consider a coach with an expertise in burnout who can guide you through this rough patch with grace and ease.?

Our society so often tells us that we can do anything on our own. While this sense of independence can be empowering, it can also block us from seeking the support we need. Let’s face it, we all have blindspots and no human out there is self-made. We all came from parents, grandparents and teachers. We learned and grew from a sense of mentorship and accountability.

As you’re building your personal Board of Directions, consider a mentor who can help you get to that place you aspire to be. And while we love our friends and family, they might not be able to support you in this burnt state you’re feeling. They might not fully understand, or worse, even make you feel more guilty for the ways that you’re feeling and dealing with your current stress.?

If only for today, put your own oxygen mask on first. You are officially invited to take back the reins of your well-being. I did and I’ll never let go again.