The Power of Our Emphatic Yes

Okay, so I was listening to GMA this morning and reflected on a piece of advice given on the show. On my way to the office, I was reminded of the complexities embedded within mindfulness, wellness, self-care, self-love, and creative self-nurturing (as I like to call it). The advice, while insightful, sparked in me thoughts on how it could be further enhanced to truly empower us in our daily lives. As this is Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to offer something for your mind to nibble on.

As the GMA dialogue ensued, it touched on the topic of boundaries, emphasizing that "no" is a complete sentence. Although?I resonate with the simplicity and firmness of the sentiment, I must quibble just a tad, for I also believe it's imperative to acknowledge the intricacies that prevent some from embracing a "Just Say No" approach to boundary setting.

It?is crucial to remember that some people struggle with saying 'no' due to a hidden habit or private pattern of constantly saying 'yes.'??They may exist in a culture where self-sacrifice?is celebrated?as a virtue and where saying 'no' can be misinterpreted as selfishness or non-cooperative.??Additionally, for those raised in environments where pleasing others was a survival strategy or a path to affection, the habit of saying 'yes' to and for others becomes a deep rhythm.??

Again, merely advising someone to 'learn to say no' and create firm boundaries is a start; however, it does not tackle the root of the issue for those who habitually say yes. For them, the practice of refusal doesn't just involve a simple change of habit but a profound transformation of mindset. The real challenge, therefore, is not in learning to reject but in mastering the art of affirming what truly matters—to say "yes" to oneself, what is desired, and what serves us well.

In my new book, The Contemplative Morning (Shameless Plug Alert), I exclaim, "May your daily habits align with your future hopes. Ask yourself if your present proclivities are pursuant to the purpose you seek."

I want to remind you that our daily decisions shape the trajectory of our lives.?

In many conversations and training moments, I've shared how the etymological root of "decision" suggests the act of cutting away, highlighting that a choice in favor of one path inherently leads to forsaking another. When we say yes to one thing,?we're?saying no to something else. The nature of decisions also brings to mind the adage, "Let your yeses be your yeses, and your noes be your noes." Think about it.

Are your yeses your yeses?

In our journey toward self-development and empowerment, I propose shifting focus from the prevalent practice of refusal to what I call 'The Art of Affirmative Choice' or 'The Art of an Emphatic Yes.' This is not about mindlessly saying 'yes' to everything (You are not Jim Carrey), but about consciously and courageously choosing what aligns with your values and goals and what serves your well-being and growth.

It is not lost on me that this has been and is currently debated and may even seem radical as we attempt to harmonize conserving self-resources and embracing growth. Stay with me.

Let's consider redefining the prevalent approach: instead of practicing how and what to reject, why not cultivate the practice of embracing the aligned and proper choice? Practicing the 'yes'—especially the brave 'yeses' that propel us toward growth, learning, and new horizons—can open doors and create opportunities that align with our deepest values and aspirations. We should know that there is a difference between pushing away from what we find unpleasant and painful and pursuing what we find pleasant and serves us well.

Choosing when to say 'yes' and when to say 'no' is a delicate balance that requires centering wisdom and introspection. Each decision is already guided by our personal values, beliefs, state of mind, goals, and the specific circumstances of our lives. Of course, a "no" can be and feel just as empowering as a "yes" if it comes from a place of authenticity and self-respect, yet a courageous "yes" can be a powerful catalyst for personal and professional transformation.

But pause for a moment. Become attentive to what you feel when you say "yes" and, conversely, "no." Scan your body and say them aloud. Do you feel any resistance or tightening when stating the latter? What do you feel when you say "yes?"

An emphatic "YES"?to what you truly want?also means stepping out of your comfort zone, shifting those unconscious habits, or making choices that might not be the easiest path. This cutting 'yes' also inherently involves saying?"no"?to other options that might be safer or more familiar but less aligned with your true desires and goals. It is?a conscious refusal of lesser paths that do not align with our core intentions and what I believe is?a powerful stance in personal development, where the courage to commit to your authentic choices is pivotal. The emphatic, intentional "yes" allows us to choose without the intense resistance of the negative. Our words hold power. We should use them wisely.

This is another reason I ask for permission in the domain of coaching. Asking for permission and fostering a "yes" environment can significantly influence the dynamics of engagement. I ask if I may present a tool or share an observation, and I hope for yes. I know that the team or leader saying?"yes"?mentally and audibly can lead to an environment of allowance and openness, making it easier for clients to embrace and engage with new concepts or changes. On the other hand, a?"no"?can signal resistance and opposition, where the client might not be ready or willing to accept new information or change. This could potentially hinder or squash any potential progress from a session.

In this yes environment and mentality, we want our clients to feel they are not merely passive recipients but active participants in their?growth journey. (Hint: Research personal perceptual position shifting.) We want to walk with them toward responding with increased openness and readiness to embrace change.??

Encouraging a 'yes' mentality is about saying 'yes' to the right, proper, and aligned opportunities, relationships, and decisions that align with one's values and goals. This proactive agreement opens pathways to new possibilities and can foster growth, learning, and expansion. By saying yes to what aligns with their values, individuals inherently set boundaries against what does not serve them, thereby also saying no indirectly.

I'm closing out because we both have work to do. For those who are already saying 'yes' to just about everything and everyone except themselves, shift your focus from how often you need to say "no" to how meaningfully you say "yes."

By empowering ourselves to choose wisely and courageously, we not only enrich our own lives, but also set a precedent of intentional living that can inspire those around us.

There is no need to state your no when you intentionally choose your yes.?

I hope this helps.

Be well and brave.

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Your friend, brother, and Braves Fan,?

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Tray T.S. Deadwyler, CVM, CLC, CBC

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Let me know your thoughts.?

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P.S.

Hey, are you?one of?the many finding yourself perennially prioritizing others,?thereby?leaving little to no space to affirm your own needs?

We can support you. Send me a note.

Want to delve deeper into the conversation, my calendar is open for you. Please feel free to arrange a personal check-in session with me here: https://calendly.com/traydeadwyler/checkin .

For specific inquiries or to explore our services in more detail, I invite you to schedule a meeting at your convenience here: https://calendly.com/traydeadwyler/inquirymeeting .