The power of “My”

My oh my. The word “my” has a storied history and has been in active use since at least circa 1200 where it was a reduced form of mine. Little has changed with the word and it is still used today to demonstrate that something “belongs to me.” What has changed is the power it now holds as a way of effectively connecting and leading others.?

While still a potent lightning rod if used incorrectly, “my” is no longer just a precursor to selfish statements and actions. The word “my” can be an impactful and authentic way for leaders to demonstrate self awareness and an understanding that they need more than just their own ideas to be successful.?

Here are a few examples of how my can be a useful tool for the modern leader:

“My understanding is that we did it that way to save on __, was that incorrect?”

How do you dig deeper into the details of projects, relationships or situations with colleagues in order to effectively aggregate all the information you need to make a decision? On one hand, you don’t want to seem clueless in front of direct reports or peers. On the other hand, those details could be essential to your making the right decisions for the organization. You don’t want to make incorrect assumptions, and you probably need to gain their insights since they have been engrossed in the work.?

The solution is to ask a “my” question that either highlights what you do know and asks for clarity, or focuses on some of the considerations in which you will need to be 100 percent accurate. This tactic also signals to that team member that you value the expertise and perspective they have developed.??

“My opinion can wait. First, I want to hear what everyone else is thinking.”

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to acknowledge that others may be able to see things you missed, and thus, suspend your final judgments until you have heard everyone else’s take.?

Allowing coworkers to speak first not only brings new voices and ideas to the table, but also helps them to feel heard. When people feel heard and comfortable, the atmosphere is dramatically more conducive to innovation and problem-solving.?

Hear your people out and ask further questions, saving your thoughts until the end of the discussion. Keep in mind that as a leader your thoughts and opinions may carry more weight than you think, so showing your hand too soon could push your people towards what they think you want to hear instead of telling you what they truly believe.

“My job is to make sure you all have what you need to be successful, so I’d like to hear at least one idea from everyone on something we can improve for next time.”

Good leaders know that great ideas can come from the people who never speak up, just as easily as those who always do. It is important to not only hear from everyone, but to create an environment where everyone is encouraged to give positive and negative feedback on the projects in which you all collaborate. Having them expect to give feedback that will then be discussed (anonymously or while highlighting them and giving them a chance to speak) forges a unique form of trust between the team and the leader.?

One of the quintessential elements of a positive culture, this transparent feedback loop, shows that failures and misunderstandings are okay as long as the team learns from the experience and the discussion about it is able to be used as a tool to shift the team members into a proactive problem solving mentality. After all, the misunderstandings could be a communication issue that can be fixed once identified, not necessarily a failure in implementation of the project itself.?

“My brain functions best when I get information in a format like this [...]. Moving forward, how can we ensure as much as possible is packaged in that manner?”?

Great leaders unite individuals with very different backgrounds, skillsets and perspectives. This is important because having an awareness of who you are and what your blind spots might be allows you to create a team that has strengths where there might otherwise be gaps. One of the keys to successfully managing such diverse teams is to make sure that their communications are standardized and that they are using the vocabulary and metrics that allow you as the leader to process information from all sides quickly, and make decisions accordingly.??

If you haven’t noticed, I love talking leadership! Feel free to reach out to me with any questions, or just to chat! And if you’re interested in what we’re doing, reach out to us at Wickham James Strategies & Solutions to find out more.?