The Power of Lunch

Welcome to the latest edition of my occcasional newsletter. After a break over the summer, I’m reflecting on a whirlwind back-to-school week of building relationships – old and new.

The Power of Lunch

What do you think when you hear “networking”? Does your heart sink? Do you picture a room full of strangers, pressing business cards into each others’ hands? Or unsolicited approaches on LinkedIn from people looking to “explore opportunities”?

There is a perception that networking is about gathering as many contacts as possible. Or trying to meet the most popular, powerful or influential people. Or targeting the best prospects. We’ve all had the experience of someone looking over your shoulder rather than in the eye. I’m afraid I may have been that guy once or twice.

But now I take a different view. Even the word networking is a turn off. The goal is not trophy hunting but building and deepening relationships.

Over the last week I have spent two days with colleagues at a country house retreat, a day (and night) at a client conference, an evening at a University reunion and two nights staying with my oldest friends. All involved deepening existing relationships, making new friends and reacquainting with old ones. And all involved breaking bread. ?

The best tool for building and deepening relationships is the thing we call lunch, and it has been a golden thread running through my career.

Team bonding

In my first job in consulting, we always celebrated the end of a project with a team lunch or dinner. This allowed us to blow off steam after an intense period of work, bond with colleagues, bitch about our clients in a safe space and reflect on the project’s successes and failures. We also had a budget for an annual lunch with a mentor – a sanctioned excuse to take the afternoon off with a colleague to talk, laugh and enjoy good food one-on-one. Many of those relationships endure 30 years on. And many of the regular lunches also continue even though we long since stopped working together.

Biz dev

Fast forward to my first Managing Director role in a rapidly growing digital data collection business. When I arrived my boss told me that my main priority was to have lunch with as many clients as often as possible. Market researchers buy based on relationships, so a commitment to lunch helped us beat the competition by having more, and better relationships. I took him at his word and embarked on a lunch crusade. It worked – the business grew rapidly becoming the market leader in Europe. Excellent product and service also helped of course. After the first year I needed to get a gym membership. Some of those lunch partners became friends, and some are still my clients today.

Friendship for its own sake

A group of my closest friends has been meeting for lunch every Christmas since University. Don’t tell my family, but I look forward to this just as much as Christmas day itself. We would be friends anyway, but this sacred annual ritual has kept us closer as a group than we would have been, and means we never fall too far out of touch. The main objective is obviously fun, but lunch has also helped us through redundancies, divorces and bereavements.

It’s not just lunch

Of course I love a three course lunch with a white table cloth and a bottle of wine, and that is the gold standard. But time, budget and middle-aged spread mean it can’t be a daily routine. A sandwich in a pub is just as good, or a taco standing at the counter in Borough Market (you know who you are). One of my favourite lunch routines is a baguette, cheese and an apple out of a backpack with my family in the countryside. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it should be something more than a sandwich al desko. One old colleague and I just go for a stroll. Of course video calls, “coffee”, drinks and office meetings all have their place, but they tend to be more functional. There’s something special about sharing a meal which leads to a deeper conversation.

Reinforcing trust and shared experience

Since becoming ?an independent consultant, I have made it my business to get in touch with as many old colleagues and contacts as possible, and to find out what is going on in their lives professionally and personally. This is a pleasure in its own right. And occasionally, maybe one time in fifty, it leads to a client engagement. My best engagements, which kept me busy for my first year in business all started with lunch with an old colleague – building on trusted relationships going back decades.

So if you want to build your network, but “networking” is a turn off, believe in the power of lunch.

PS –

Such is my commitment to the cause, I also have a food blog on Instagram. It started out as a recipe book for the benefit of my kids… but should you want to see bad pictures of food and in-jokes you can follow @dadmunch

As a lunching ?professional, I do take an interest in the London restaurant scene, so if you ever need a recommendation, or indeed a lunch partner do get in touch.