The Power of Listening

In a recent blog, I wrote that today’s employers are seeking to hire job applicants with “Soft Skills,” including relationship-building, problem-solving, critical thinking, communication, adaptability, creativity, and collaboration.

In today’s blog, I want to focus on a critical aspect of communication skills: listening.

I recently met Christine Miles, who grew up in rural Hershey, Pennsylvania, and now lives in suburban Philadelphia. Christine is the founder and CEO of EQuipt, a training and consulting company that helps organizations develop people and creates cultures of understanding. Christine developed The Listening Path?, what she calls a system of transformational listening -- that is, “listening to understand” – that she and her team of listening guides have taught at Fortune 100 corporations, universities, and law firms nationwide. Christine also is an author of the award-winning book, “What is it Costing You Not to Listen?”.?

I talked with Christine about the importance of listening, especially as it relates to school-aged children, and thought her insights on the subject were important enough to share with my independent school contacts.?

Mark

Hi, Christine. I read your book, “What is it Costing You Not to Listen?”. Intuitively, I’ve known that listening skills are important to business and interpersonal success. But your book opened my eyes to the barriers preventing better listening and understanding. So, for the benefit of my blog readers, why do you think listening is so important?

Christine

The ability to “listen to understand” has been the single thread in all of my successes and has helped me overachieve relative to my abilities – including my dyslexia. For decades, I’ve been doing my own research with friends, family, colleagues, clients, and audiences around the world by asking them “How important is listening?”. I’ve learned that listening is universally regarded as one of the most critical business and life skills.

Mark

When did you first become interested in the art of listening?

Christine

My interest began at a very early age – when I was five, growing up with a mother who suffered from mental illness, stemming from the loss of her mother when she was only three months old. My mother was warm, funny, and loving, but underneath the surface, she suffered great pain and sadness. I sought to see and understand her pain. I learned early in life to listen differently by hearing and seeing what wasn’t said. I have spent my entire life and career being both a student and teacher of listening.

Mark

You said earlier that the inability to empathetically listen and uncover the real needs of others is costly. Costly in what way?

Christine

In my own research, I’ve found that transformational listening (compared to active listening) results in a 50 to 90% reduction in the average sales cycle. My book, “What it is Costing You Not to Listen,” details many other benefits from a business and personal perspective. The benefits include strengthened customer relationships, increased communication effectiveness, shortened sales cycles, increased collaboration, enhanced problem-solving, and an increase in trusting relationships. Transformational listening can also help make us more present with our friends and family; and it will help make us more successful students, too. We are not adequately teaching students to listen, and we’re not preparing students for the real work world, where at least 40% of what will be expected of them is dependent on effective listening.

Mark

If all that is true, how did we come to neglect listening skills so completely?

“Completely” is a good choice of words, Mark. Managers and employees spend at least 40% of their workdays listening to assess information, gain new insight, and make decisions. We spend 30% of our days speaking, 21% reading, and 9% writing. Yet, in our 12 years of formal education, zero time is spent teaching how to listen. Teaching and learning listening skills have always lagged behind speaking, reading, and writing skills.

The inability to empathetically listen and uncover the real needs of others is costly, but it is no one’s fault. We blame the listener while we spend the majority of our resources teaching and training students, leaders, and employees on how to speak, be knowledgeable, and tell instead of how to listen. Clearly understanding the message, the messenger, and the “story” you’re hearing all hinge on your ability to do one fundamental thing: listen differently.

Mark

You talk about “active listening” vs. “Transformational listening.” Can you help me understand the difference between the two?

Christine

Listening is more than hearing something or even helping someone feel heard. Listening differently goes beyond being empathetic to truly understanding another’s experience; understanding them and their story; hearing not only what is said, but also what is not being said; seeing what is not only on the surface but what lies below the surface.

When you tap into this ability, it transforms everything, including your business and personal relationships. The ability to listen differently transforms how you show up, lead, sell, influence, and succeed in every aspect of life.

Transformational listening goes far beyond traditional, active listening. Active listening focuses on “paying attention” to the teller by making eye contact and being present – telling the listener what to do, but not how to do it. The human brain is the enemy of our ability to listen. The active listener is essentially “white knuckling” as they fight their subconscious to stay present during a conversation. This internal struggle leads to missing both the message and the messenger, which can cause conflict, misalignment, and missed opportunities.

On the other hand, in transformational listening, the listener uses critical tools to calm their subconscious so they can not only attend to but hear both what is and what is not being said. This shift from active listening to transformational listening, which we also refer to as story gathering, enables you to uncover underlying problems, gain trust, earn credibility, and consistently provide smarter solutions, forever changing the conversation.

Mark

How important is it to teach transformational listening to school-aged children, and do you have any specific tips to share?

Christine

As I mentioned before, employees spend at a minimum, almost half of their time listening. But students are not being taught listening skills in grades 1-12 or in college. We need a paradigm shift – from our sole focus being teaching our children how to speak and present ideas to also being taught how to listen. Employers can teach new employees how to do a job – but they aren’t adept at teaching emotional skills, including listening transformationally.

When we start devoting time and resources to developing the critical skill of listening, we inevitably raise our children’s EQ (emotional quotient or emotional intelligence) and prepare future generations to navigate work and life more effectively.

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As the Director of Malvern Bank’s Independent School Division, I often have the opportunity to listen to representatives of schools throughout southeastern Pennsylvania talking about their schools’ financing needs. If your school is in need of a financial partner, a bank that can guide you through a much-needed capital project or other financial challenges, Malvern Bank can help. Please contact me, and we’ll discuss the best financing tool for your school’s specific needs.