The Power of Listening: Lessons Oprah Winfrey Learned from 50,000 Interviews
Sarah McVanel, MSc, CSP, PCC, CHRL, CSODP
Chief Recognition Officer | Canada's Recognition Expert | Professional Speaker | Coach | Author | 'FROG Lady'
The name Oprah Winfrey is known the world over. There is something about her survival to thrival story, charisma, and unparalleled self-made success that is both the “American Dream” realized and a “relatability factor” that few billionaires (and less wealthy) ever reach. So when Oprah says she’s learned something, particularly given she’s interviewed over 50,000 people in her career – from Presidents to pop stars to children to psychologists – we lean in and learn. There is one thing that every person asks at the end of an interview, no matter their fame or fortune, and it tells you everything about what people need most.
What Everyone Needs…Oprah’s Guests and Oprah Herself?
“How did I do?”?
People ask that same question once the camera stops rolling or when the audio recording has already started uploading to the cloud. People who are used to the world watching and hanging on to their every move, word, tune, and performance, you would think, are beyond needing “validation.” Don’t they get it all day long? Or aren’t they immune to it, given you can’t please everyone? No matter how prolific your career is, everyone has a hater, so isn’t it better to turn off the desire for feedback?
That would be asking humans to turn into robots. So, the short answer is no.
Humans are humans. We are connective and connected. We came out dependent on our caregivers, and we literally cannot survive without their nurturing, nor can we have robust mental health and well-being without that meaningful connection across our lifespan.?
Why do we feel that some people don’t need it? Why do we fail to acknowledge some groups as if they’re “above” it? And why do we expect ourselves to be so self-sufficient that we don’t always ask or let ourselves need support and acknowledgement from others?
Who needs to know they matter to others?
And visa versa. And the list goes on.??
Recognition at the Top
I cannot tell you how often I hear executives share with me the day-to-day challenges they face, and what I hear behind it is that they carry the world’s weight on their shoulders. When I ask these senior leaders who support them, they look at me with furrowed brows and patiently explain that theyneed to figure it out for the other people depending on them. They worry they’ll get it wrong. They don’t feel they can say, “I don’t know.” They wonder what they’re missing and what negative repercussions this will have.
It’s a burden to carry, having to be there for others and yet not receive much positive acknowledgement.
“How did I do?” might be what an executive wishes to ask after a town hall, media interview, performance review with the board of directors, or even an everyday meeting. Perhaps if they were with Oprah, they’d ask her, like Tom Cruise or former President Obama might. But there isn’t the same psychological safety nor the same self-permission given. Senior leaders are left wondering, “How did I do?”?
Can we help them out with some claps? I’m not talking jazz hands and a brass band. I’m just saying a “thank you” from time to time.
If you aren’t so sure it’s a good idea (“Won’t they think I’m being a brown noser?”), consider this: When I ask when was the last time someone who wasn’t paid (a coach, therapist, doctor) to check up and checked in with how they’re doing, sometimes the answer is, “I can’t remember.” It’s not like heartless people surround them; we often don’t think they need it!
Who doesn’t need to know they matter to someone else? And the folks getting the most heat likely need props occasionally to reinforce they’re getting some things right.
Let’s face it. Society expects this: the higher you go up in an organization, the more you just have to carry the burdens that “you signed on for”. It’s what goes with the territory. But why go alone? How can we expect an executive leading hundreds or thousands of people to be resilient enough to deal with the ever-increasing complexity of the corporate and social world relationally on their own?
What’s scarier than people asking Oprah, “How did I do?” is when some people don’t even permit themselves to request feedback.?
There’s a reason burnout is rampant among executives and others?who carry the burden of never letting others down—doctors, nurses, hospitality professionals, professional caregivers, parents, and all those who give and don’t always get what they need in return.?
Connection Is Always The Answer
If every person, from birth to death, needs to matter to someone else, be in the community, and give and receive love to survive and thrive. We must bring meaningful connections back or embed them deeper into the workplace. The easiest way to do this is to acknowledge.?
Let’s inspire each other to make the workplace a hub of meaningful connections.
It might be all the more critical when it’s harder to do or find.
Connection before correction .?If our default is “How did I do?”, let’s get in front of the question and affirm what is working.
Assume that if something isn’t working, there’s a reason. Always connect with the person as a human being first and foremost.
This approach fosters empathy and understanding in the workplace.?
Making Work Less Transactional
Work can be highly transactional , including emails, tasks, to-do lists, KPIs, and deliverables. Sure, we all have to move toward business success, but that’s a precarious house of cards if it’s not built on a foundation of meaningful connection. People who feel cared about will care about their work.
I recently spoke for my local child protective services organization, and the CEO shared the most beautiful example. She was working late, as she often does, and noticed one of the maintenance professionals was also working late. She asked why he was still there, burning the midnight oil.?
“Because I am keeping children safe.”
His entire maintenance team shared this belief and supported each other to be successful, not to get the work done and reduce our work orders; they were there to make the children of their community safer. That deep and meaningful connection fueled his passion for his work, discretionary effort, and deep engagement. It also aligned the whole team. They felt connected, and they acknowledged each other on this more profound level. They could say “good job” and be done with it, but instead, they organized work and expressed appreciation for their impact. And to think, if he had that role in another organization, he might consider “good job” enough, and certainly an improvement over “I’m not thanking someone for doing their job, ” which is sadly a mantra among the trades and many other professions.?
It’s incredible how another person proactively reinforces the value of contribution and how it fuels more continuation. Scratch that. Is it that amazing? It’s human. And sadly, we sometimes forget about the humanity humans need at work.
Everyone matters, everyone’s work matters, everyone’s impact matters. YOU matter. If you ever ask yourself, “Did I do okay?” know it’s normal. To ensure you know it does, find someone to tell them they are doing well, they matter to you, and their work makes a difference.??
One of the ways to know you are doing okay is to acknowledge it in others.?
Imagine a world where we all genuinely and consistently affirmed that in each other. Now, that is the world in which I want to live, love, and work. What about you?
If you could use some more delicious ideas on making a difference in your workplace, check out these posts:
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Disclaimer/Humble Brag Moment: 100% of this content was human-generated (by us folks here at Greatness Magnified). We are committed to authorship integrity and will inform you what percent, if any, is AI-generated.