The Power (and Limits) of Reciprocity

Human psychology is immutable and unchanging, say many social psychologists. Persuasion is not grounded in tricks but in enduring principles. Dr. Robert Cialdini, author of 'Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion' identified six ways humans are hardwired to comply with requests.

What makes people say yes? How do especially persuasive people get such radical levels of compliance? Usually they use one or more of the compliance triggers Cialdini writes about. He uses the phrase “click, whirr” to indicate that the compliance happens far beneath rational thought.

Translation: you have no choice about it. It makes total sense to do a thing, suddenly, without a single conscious thought about it.

All these triggers are powerful. Let’s talk about reciprocity, one of the six. When someone does something for us or gives something of value to us, we feel a debt we are compelled to repay.

Cialdini gives the example of Hare Krishna devotees, handing out flowers to travellers at the airport, as they did for many years. A business man will be rushing to his gate. An attractive young woman in a saffron robe will offer a flower saying please accept this gift of love. He will be sparked by the spirit of the woman and the beauty of the flower, and will accept it with thanks, thinking that’s all there is to the transaction.?

Next she says: “Would you like to make an offering to our temple?”

Oh no, what have I gotten into, he thinks. He tries to give the flower back. No, that’s our love offering, she says, it’s yours. He feels he has no choice but to reach into his pocket and fish out a bill and hand it over. He walks on and then as soon as he can he drops the flower into a garbage receptacle as he rushes towards his gate.

Hare Krishnas were frequently observed gathering flowers out of the garbage receptacles and recirculating them, using the reciprocity compliance trigger again and again.

I did some street singing in New Orleans back in my bad ‘ol days. One fine day I met a master coin and bill extractor, and talented performer, Thomas Jackson. He was a born super persuader. He would greet and connect, smile and shake hands with a stranger walking in the Quarter, making the scene. Then he’d instruct me with a quick whisper about what our next play was. Usually I would play guitar and sing or he would sing to my accompaniment. He might also dance and play harmonica, prompted by his assessment of our target. After a brief spirited performance, always with a boffo ending, he would tilt his cap, asking for a little something for the kitty.

He was impossible to refuse. Nobody ever did. After he got the first contribution, he’d go for a second and usually get it.?He was charming, warm, funny, shiny. He exuded love and was not attached to the outcome. He was a great connector and he leveraged reciprocity like a champion. He made our offering of a song seem like a wondrous gift and maybe it was.

What choice did they have?

When I was a young general business consultant, I noticed reciprocity worked to an almost obscene degree. If someone was a valued contact, I might find something I thought they’d like. Maybe I was thanking them for sending me a client. Of course I would want to express my appreciation with something that would resonate with their values, their passions. Maybe it was a $100 coffee table book on Clydesdale horses, if that was their thing.

In a way I was saying thank you, I appreciate you. But I could not help but notice that my gifts came back multiplied. A CEO of a company does not reward a $100 gift with $100 dollars of value. More like $10,000 or $20,000 projects in my young experience.

But that was a long time ago, before I started specializing in helping PI lawyers get more referrals. So let’s talk about how to leverage reciprocity in a personal injury environment.

How To Use Reciprocity To Totally Screw Up a Referring Relationship

The reality at personal injury firms is that most clients never send a case. Only a few do. The way they are thanked, they usually don't do it a second time. Is reciprocity the right principle to ground your referral speak in?

Heck, they just did you a great big favour…how to thank them? Can you give them a gift? Will your local Bar Association let you? (Each state is different, and law firms I’ve known interpret the rules differently.)

Reciprocity Works Just About Everywhere. But Here Not So Much.

Let me remind you about the “World’s Worst (and most popular) Referral Script”.

So many lawyers use it without thinking. It goes like this:

“…and Joe, if you ever come across an injured person who needs a lawyer…pass along my card…here’s three”.

A couple of notes about the above script. First of all, it’s grounded in “if”, a mythical land your brain does not know how to play in. And it’s grounded in reciprocity. It’s saying, “Hey I did you right…I was your lawyer..and I took good care of you. Now pay me back by sending me a case”.

What’s wrong with that?

First of all you are a professional. You did not do them a favour. You did your job and got paid. And if asking works—if you can induce reciprocity and get one case from that person—as unlikely as that is, you will only get the one. At that point the client’s brain will stop scanning.

They have more than paid you. Reciprocity is a dead end if you know that Double Digit Referrers exist.

A referral is NOT a reward to you. Not in the mind of the “double digit referrer”. My mission here in ‘Grassroots Marketing’ is to familiarize you with the mindset of the multi case referrer.

Double Digit Referrers are not doing it to pay you back. They are doing it to help their friends, sincerely believing you are the answer to their friend’s urgent need. And, because they have received profound emotional rewards from you, their brain has commenced to constantly scan for new opportunities to do it again.

When you thank a referrer you do NOT say: “Thanks for sending Joe Jablonski. We appreciate the opportunity!”

Translated, the statement above says, “Thanks for giving us an asset, a case, with no acquisition cost. We are enthusiastic about cases because money. Thanks for the money. We love money. Give us more!”

A much more effective way of acknowledging a referrer is to say: “We received a call from your friend, Joe Jablonski. You're amazing! You extended yourself to make sure your friend was taken care of. So many people would not do that. Thanks so much for sending Joe to us for care. I promise we’ll take great care of him.”

Again, they are not doing it for you. They are doing it for their friend. And you get to provide the highly significant, deeply revered feelings they have so few ways to get. You are recognizing them for their significant contribution to humanity. That’s a wonderful feeling they want more of. They want all they can get.

Should you NOT give gifts or swag to referrers? I’m not saying that. I’m saying you have to frame it correctly. As a rule, the emotion of appreciation should be bigger than the tchotchke. One powerful principle that leads directly to double digit referrers is creating mystery and anticipation in the subconscious mind of the referrer.

If the first referral won them such fulsome praise and acknowledgment and maybe a little gift, what do they get for the second one? Some clients have the name partner call after the fourth referral. See? Once you get the rock rolling, the law of momentum kicks in but good. Their brain is dying to know what they will get for the fifth referral. The trick of course is to get the first referral and deliver the emotions that will make the client’s brain look for more opportunities to get those great feelings they have so few ways to get.

Rick Harris, of The Richard Harris Law Firm, the dominant PI firm in Nevada, is the ’King of Swag.’ Rick masterfully balances acknowledgment, connection, praise and thanks and clever and thoughtful gifts. The gifts of course escalate as a person sends more and more of their friends for legal care.

Rick knows how to get the referral rock rolling and how to keep it rolling.

Three more examples of reciprocity and I’m out.

Back when I was doing a lot of direct mail copywriting, I noticed a strange thing. Premiums work. Everyone would tell me, “That won’t work on a CEO, it’s too transparent and obvious”. Aherm. Tchotchkes would routinely and easily bump conversion with CEOs and everyone else.

Warning: advanced complex strategy ahead: when you install a Referral Contract? at intake, you have planted a flag. The client has agreed to be the kind of person who will make sure their friends are protected when they have a legal need. Notice nothing about reciprocity so far.

When you confer an Identity you can reward the identity in advance, invoking reciprocity. You can literally thank them for their willingness, for being a ‘Battler’—or whatever you call the identity you have conferred—sending acknowledgment and thanks and a modest gift before they actually do it.

If they have been rewarded for doing it, and given that they are hardwired to reciprocate, now their brain must find, must notice an opportunity to send you a person in need.

The last example is the ‘Astonishment’ program. This is where you make a list of ten or twenty heavy hitters, develop an ever growing data file on each of them, compiled through research, questions and Google Alerts. You commit to a schedule, perhaps breakfast twice a year. And you pick moments to astonish them with acknowledgments and gifts that are tuned into their fascinations and passion.

The strategic objective is to have these big dogs with the potential to refer many cases think of you as the most incredibly thoughtful person they have ever met. “I can’t believe you would go to the trouble”. (See 'The Power of PITA', October 26 Grassroots Marketing article). Is their brain likely to notice opportunities to refer a case to you? You bet.

That’s a way to crank reciprocity to ten with the most influential people you know.