The Power of Limits
The basic idea: On the sole occasion that I went on a camping trip with other nine-year-old Cub Scouts like me, there was a kid who ate tea bags late one night just to get the other kids' attention. I remember everyone egging him on, taking advantage of his poor judgment to give them a few moments of amusement.
I quit as soon as we returned, not wanting to be part of a group that lacked any sort of healthy boundaries.
That's the purpose that limits serve, to mark the line between acceptable and unacceptable.
Although I don't remember any details beyond what I've already told you, I can imagine that the other kids thought to themselves: it's not my fault... Jimmy is dumb... he has poor judgment, not me.
On the contrary, your decision be part of crossing a healthy limit is absolutely your judgment... and you bear that responsibility.
A bit more background: The current problem with our society is that we not only lack healthy limits, but also that there is no accountability when people trample healthy limits. Again and again, we see people in positions of authority behave exactly like a group of irresponsible nine-year-olds lying to and teasing someone like poor Jimmy. They take advantage of him. They egg him on. And then—when something bad happens—they say, "It wasn't my fault!"
Nonsense.
To be clear, I'm not writing for the people who stomp all over healthy limits; I'm writing for everyone else. We have to hold such folks accountable for their actions, even if their actions are "just words."
When accountability disappears, chaos ensues
Accountability is what happens when there is a direct and timely correlation between an action and the appropriate consequences.
Whether you care most about your family, social justice, equal rights, your career, or the future of human civilization, one thing should be clear: when accountability disappears, so does the promise of a bright future.
When we let others ignore or destroy healthy limits, we bear just as much responsibility as they do.
As a society, we have grown more strident and less respectful of healthy limits. It is up to all of us to regain our respect for such limits.
Bruce Kasanoff is the founder of The Journey, a newsletter that helps you focus your life on what matters most. He is a social media ghostwriter for leading entrepreneurs.
Experienced Manager
4 年If I'm being honest, I have to almost completely disagree. Not with the definition of accountability, but with the notion of who should be accountable. If we would consider the same logic in something that is more measurable than "healthy limits", we would quickly realize the errors of such thinking. The biggest problem with praising a type of thinking that you suggest is that it welcomes a passive behavior and invites a victim-type of attitude (life is unfair, I am unlucky). Yes, you have accountability for your closest and dearest, but nowhere near to the accountability that they have on themselves, and that has to be highlighted the most.
Future of Work | People & Culture | Diversity Equity & Inclusion - Building a better workplace for everyone to grow in.
4 年Fun fact... Just after the George Floyd murder and resurgence of BLM. I publicly challenged a few businesses to not just signal change and be non racist but be active in anti racist processes. Most of the companies responded which was great. Some told me their status quo wasn't their fault, some said they would do what they could given the conditions and some took full responsibility and held their leader accountable. Which companies do you think have made the most progress and benefited the most? It's not easy but accountability is so important.
Writer, editor, radio voice, journalist, and musician
4 年...and the degree of accountability is contingent upon the degree of existentialism
Deputy Manager - Marketing
4 年Well said, Every has a role to play in any situation and they should realise, keep them accountable for it.
Great article Bruce, Clear accountability and boundaries are what makes families, organisations and cultures work smoothly and harmoniously. Any lack of clarity will be exploited with negative consequences- a game of football with no rules ceases to be an enjoyable game!