The Power of Language: Moving from "Why?" to "Why is that?"

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Language is a powerful tool that shapes our interactions, perceptions, and outcomes. One word can make all the difference in how a conversation unfolds, especially in coaching, consulting, or any client-facing profession. In this newsletter, my goal is to highlight words, verbs, linguistics structures we use to shed light on how words influence behavior, and hence, our results.

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Today, let’s look at the word “why”, while seemingly innocent, it can evoke a defensive response, closing the door to genuine understanding and progress.

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The Problem with "Why"

When we ask someone "why," it often triggers an instinctive defensive reaction. This response is not always rational; it's more of an automatic reaction stemming from the ego's need to protect itself. The word "why" puts the other person on the spot, forcing them to justify or defend their actions, beliefs, or decisions. This defense mechanism is deeply rooted in our psychology.

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For example, if I ask a client, "Why do you want to reach $1 million in revenue?" their response will likely be logical and surface-level. They might say, "Because it's a benchmark for success," or "Because I want financial security." These responses, while valid, often represent deeply ingrained beliefs or social pressures rather than the client's true motivations. Essentially, we’re getting answers that reinforce their current patterns and beliefs rather than uncovering the deeper reasons behind their goals.

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Shifting to "Why is that important to you?"

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Now, consider the difference when you ask, "Why is that important to you?" This subtle shift in phrasing changes the entire dynamic of the conversation. Instead of prompting a defensive response, you're inviting the client to reflect more deeply on their motivations. This question encourages them to move beyond surface-level reasoning and explore the underlying emotions and values that drive their goals.

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When you ask, "Why is that important to you?" you're giving your client the space to dig deeper within themselves and seek the real reason – what I call their Ultimate Motivator. You're not challenging their beliefs or forcing them to justify their goal; instead, you're guiding them to connect with their true desires.

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For example, the same client might respond, "It's important to me because I want to make sure my kids and grandkids are taken care of," or "It would allow me to give back to my community." These answers reveal the emotional and personal significance behind their goals—insights that wouldn't have emerged from a simple "why" question.

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The Impact of this approach

By shifting from "why" to "why is that" you're not only avoiding the defensive responses but you're helping them uncover the true motivations behind their goals, which can lead to more meaningful and sustainable outcomes.

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So, next time you're in a conversation with a client, try replacing "why" with "why is that" and notice the difference in the responses you receive and the depth of the conversation that follows. This simple change in language can transform your interactions, leading to more authentic, impactful, and results-driven conversations.

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Test it out and let me know how it goes!

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Language is a powerful tool, and small adjustments can lead to significant changes in outcomes. Test this approach in your next client interaction and observe how it opens up a new level of understanding and connection.

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www.saragilbert.coach