The power of "Labels" on your mindset

The power of "Labels" on your mindset

Ever notice how much we rely on labels in life? Whether we realise it or not, we’re constantly slapping labels on ourselves and others. These labels, those little words or phrases we use to define who we are, can have a huge impact on how we think, feel, and act. Sometimes they push us forward, but more often than not, they hold us back.

This really powerful mindset trap was part of a conversation that Mehreen Ovais raised this week as we rounded of the Grit Coaching program. We spoke about this mindset barrier in the context of becoming a coach, but as I thought about this over the weekend I realised this is something that we all face and do in our everyday lives. Either to ourselves or to other.

This is the inspiration for this weeks newsletter.

Why do we put labels on ourselves and others?

First, let’s start with why we love to label things in the first place. It all comes down to how our brains work. Psychologists call it cognitive labelling, basically, our brain’s way of categorising everything to make life simpler. You know, like when we meet someone new, and we immediately try to figure them out: “They’re the funny one,” “the quiet one,” or “the smart one.” It’s just how our brains create shortcuts to make sense of all the info coming at us.

But while it might make things easier at the moment, these labels can quickly become traps. When you boil yourself, or someone else, down to just a few words, you lose all the complexity, the growth, the change. And before you know it, you’re living in a tiny little box that limits who you can become.

Example: The "Gifted Kid" label

Take the "gifted kid" label, for instance. Seems like a good thing, right? Being told you’re smart and talented from a young age can feel pretty great. But here’s the catch: as soon as you attach that label, it comes with pressure. A "gifted" kid might start thinking, "If I fail, does that mean I’m not gifted anymore?" They might avoid challenges because messing up could break the illusion of being smart. It’s like carrying around a fragile trophy that could shatter at any second.

So, yeah, even so-called “positive” labels can mess with your head if you’re not careful.

How labels mess with your mindset

The labels we take on don’t just stick to the surface. They dig deep into our mindset, shaping the way we see the world and ourselves. If you have been following my articles for a while you know that I am a fan of Carol Dweck s work. She essentially says that: people with a fixed mindset believe their talents and abilities are set in stone, while those with a growth mindset believe they can get better at anything through effort and learning.

Now, think about how labels feed into this. If you’ve been labelled "the smart one," you might be scared to try something you’re not instantly good at because, well, what if you’re not that smart after all? On the flip side, if you’re labelled as "bad with numbers," you might avoid anything to do with maths, even if you could totally get better with some practice. The label traps you in a fixed mindset.

Example: The "Failure" label

Ever been called a "failure"? That one can stick for years. Let’s say a student struggles in school and gets labelled as a failure. Over time, they might start to believe it. "I’m just bad at school," they think. So, they stop trying because why bother? They’ve already decided they’ll never be good enough. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, thinking they’re a failure leads to more failure. And the cycle keeps going until the label is the only thing they see.

How we label ourselves

It’s not just about what others say about us, though. We do a pretty good job of labelling ourselves too. We tell ourselves things like, "I’m not creative," or "I’m bad at relationships," or "I’m terrible with money." After hearing these things over and over (even if it’s just in our own heads), they start to feel like facts.

But here’s the truth: they’re just stories we tell ourselves. Stories we can rewrite if we want to.

How labels show up in everyday life

Labels aren’t just for big life stuff, they creep into all parts of our daily lives. And sometimes, we don’t even notice it happening. Let’s look at a few more everyday examples:

  1. In the workplace: "Hard Worker" vs. "Laid-Back" Ever worked with someone who’s labelled as "the hard worker"? They’re the ones who always seem to get more projects because, well, they’re "good at it." Meanwhile, the "laid-back" person might get overlooked for promotions, even if they have great ideas. Labels at work can pigeonhole people, making it harder to break out of expectations.
  2. In friendships: "The Listener" vs. "The Talker" We do this with friends too. One friend is "the listener," while another is "the talker." The listener might feel like they can never share their own struggles because they’ve been labelled the person who’s always there for everyone else. And the talker? They might start feeling guilty about dominating conversations, even when they’ve got something valuable to say.
  3. In self-perception: "The Perfectionist" Ah, perfectionism. So many people slap this label on themselves like it’s a badge of honour. But in reality, perfectionism can lead to a whole lot of stress and frustration. If you’re constantly thinking you need to be perfect, you might get stuck in a loop of procrastination, too afraid to move forward because what if it’s not "good enough"?

Labels don’t just affect our actions, they can seriously mess with our mental health. Constantly living under a label, whether positive or negative, can lead to anxiety, burnout, and even depression.


Example: The "Strong One" label

Think about someone who’s always labelled "the strong one" in their family or friend group. It sounds good on the surface, but here’s the problem: they might feel like they can never show vulnerability. They might never ask for help, even when they desperately need it, because they’re afraid of shattering that "strong" image. Over time, the pressure builds up, and they can end up feeling isolated and exhausted.

How to spot when labels are controlling you

Recognising when a label is holding you back is the first step to breaking free. Here are three signs that labels are at play in your life:

  1. Avoiding things If you’re avoiding certain situations or activities because "that’s just not who I am," chances are a label is limiting you. For example, if you tell yourself, "I’m not a public speaker," you’ll avoid opportunities to speak, even if it’s something you could improve at with practice.
  2. Judging others by one trait Ever catch yourself assuming something about someone based on a single behaviour? That’s labelling at work. Maybe you think someone’s lazy because they’re not super energetic at work. But maybe they’re dealing with personal stuff or just have a different work style.
  3. Getting defensive When someone challenges a label you’ve held onto for a long time, do you feel defensive or upset? That’s a sign the label has become too ingrained in your identity. It’s worth asking yourself if it’s still serving you.

How can you break free from labels

Okay, so how do we start peeling away these labels? Here are five exercises you can try:

  1. Keep a "Label Journal" Start jotting down the labels you notice, both ones you give yourself and ones others give you. At the end of each week, look back and ask: "Is this label helping me or holding me back?"
  2. Find evidence to the contrary Pick a label that’s limiting you, like "I’m bad at relationships," and make a list of all the ways that’s not true. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or have worked through tough times with family. Seeing the evidence helps you challenge the label.
  3. Reframe the label Think about the times when a label doesn’t apply. Are you "shy" in every situation, or just in certain settings? Are you "bad with numbers," or is it just that you haven’t practised certain skills? Reframing helps you realise labels aren’t as all-encompassing as you might think.
  4. Visualise a label-free you Take a moment to imagine yourself without the limiting labels. How would you act differently? How would your life change if you didn’t believe you were "just not creative" or "bad at maths"? Visualisation can help you see the possibilities beyond the label.
  5. Get feedback from others Ask people you trust how they see you. You might be surprised by the labels they give you, or don’t give you. This exercise can open your eyes to how others perceive you and whether those labels align with how you want to be seen.

Labels are powerful. They can either lift us up or lock us into a narrow box. The next time you catch yourself thinking, "That’s just who I am," ask yourself, "Is it really?" You have the power to change, grow, and redefine yourself at any time.

Would love to for you to let me know what labels you have discarded and the effect that has had on your life

Prajesh


Ruqya Khan

2022 Gold Award - Wellness Coach at Global Coach Awards | S.M.I.L.E.? Strategist ?? | I help leaders get from stuck to unstuck using NLP, Individual-Group Coaching, Corporate Training & Facilitation

1 个月

The L in my SMILE strategy is let things go and one of the most important things I encourage people to let go of is their labels - self imposed and also those given by others ?? brilliant read and so well explained ????????

回复
Sabeen Faruqi

Integrative nutrition | Holistic Lifestyle | Happiness and Wellbeing coach | Emotional intelligence Positive intelligence | NLP Founder of Sablicious

1 个月

Our south Asian culture have a tendency to put labels on every individual which is detrimental for our society

Bill Brander

?? Guiding Professionals Through Layoffs & Career Changes | Unlock Your Potential with a Mentor Who’s Been There | via 11 Career Shifts | Build a Future Aligned to Your Values ??

1 个月

Prajesh Chhanabhai, may I please ask your permission to use the infographic and some of your text in the upcoming Job Journey course I will be facilitating in Mdantsane in November? There is a module on labels (JJ Facilitator Manual 2024:20), and your article provides more details and ways to "break free" from labels. Many thanks for considering my request. Biil PS the Job Journey course website fyr is https://www.jobjourneycourse.org/

Nicole Coyne

Coaching for excellent business performance. Business strategy, Executive, Leadership, Personal, Group coaching, Extended DISC behaviour profiling, master trainer and animal fanatic

1 个月

So true Prajesh Chhanabhai I’ll never forget when I was 6 years old each child in the class was allocated a locker for their lunch box, each child’s locker was also allocated a Mr men character. I was given “little miss chatterbox” that label stuck with me for years and gave me a massive complex! The teachers may have thought it harmless or even “cute” but it was far from harmless. We need to be so careful about labels, they can hurt.

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