The Power of NO! And how to handle!

 Lately it seems to be more default than exception to avoid saying No.

We rather choose to say Yes and accept the consequences than say No and start the conversation. When we receive a No we tend to give negative feedback to get a Yes no matter what. The questions are:

• Why do we react negative on No?
• What is the cause of this reaction?
• How can we say No and make it positive?

To start with, what did trigger me this time, and why did I take the time to write this article.

Dot Lung wrote a nice article a couple a days ago “I’m learning how to say No more”. The questions (Luvvie Ajayi) she placed in her post are true added value and we can #LearnWithDot:

1. Will I enjoy it?
2. Does it pay my fee?
3. Is this something different that will challenge me or help me grow in some way?
4. Does this elevate my profile?
5. Does this put me in front of a larger audience?

So my trigger was set, time to see what happened next on the my road. Before I knew it, their it was, No on a request our team had made. No, what, are they crazy in their ivory towers, we will make sure we shake some trees so we get what we want.

Don’t we love this attitude, heels in the sand, looking for mud and… fire.. !!!

Now I could do two things, go with the emotions or.. choose my words wise and start using the “The Power of No”.

I choose the last option, my reaction “No is also an answer, only we do not like it. The question now is: How can we turn this No to a Yes in a positive and constructive way?”

So now is the question, what is causing this and how can we make sure to avoid the negative reaction and bend into a positive one.

What is causing a negative reaction on the answer No?

The cause of this, when we hear No it is imbedded in our mind, to see this a negative fact. Our first reaction is; Negative, brings only negative.

We tend to think “When I say no, the other person is blocked also in his process” or “When I say No in my sales story, the client will see me as a bad sales”. This is caused by the simple effect of assumptions, we assume and love to predict what others might say/think!

We have a name for this behavior, the Pavlov-effect: 

The Pavlov-effect means that tend to think that maybe he will get angry when we say no.

How can we change to these thoughts?

The thought is that, what I say No to one thing I say Yes to another. So make sure to explain why you say No, and how you can offer help in a different way.

Ivan Petrovich Pavlov : 26 September 1849 27 February 1936

The way to go, “I want to help you, only I really need to finish this first” (don’t use is as an excuse, mean it)

The thought : I want to say No, only he is my employer!

Way to go : “Of course I want to help you out, only that means that this has to wait! Is this really what you want me to do?”

The thought : You are sitting behind the desk and your colleague is walking towards you, you already “know” what might come. Recognizable?

This is THE PAVLOV-effect. 

How to overcome this?

Step 1 : Write down all your assumptions, your obstacles and consider all this against your own beliefs.

Step 2 : Go back in time, take some specific situations and describe your thoughts that you had and what the actual outcome was.

Step 3 : Find a situation in the past, you said “Yes” even though you wanted to say “No”. No do same as step 2, what is the worst thing that might have happened when you had said “No”?

Step 4 : The challenge, talk with a colleague, find a specific situation in what “No” was the answer and ask him/her what his reaction would be when the answer given was “No”. Only do this when you are really feeling comfortable.

Step 5 : Now Enjoy the Result!

What did we learn: Change your own Pavlov-effect, it will be challenge, it might never be your second nature. The simple fact that you now know this, it might help you in the future.

Check my latest article "How instead of why"!

In the period of 2002-2005 was I working for AFAS, our Sales team at the moment had one mission. Sell our solution!

To avoid selling incorrect solutions, they learned one thing and only thing that was key in the whole process. “No is also an answer in sales”, give a good explanation and offer something that you can do.

The result, the client might say no to you, take the risk and when they realize that your know was founded and actually the best solution they will come back to you and ask for help.

Lesson Learned.

The Power of No, be aware of it, it might give a lot of positive traffic.