The Power of the Gap

The Power of the Gap

Imagine you have the opportunity to play against the world's top-ranked tennis player and given two scenarios. You can play at full speed or in slow motion. One gives you a sense of playing against the greatest player (or watching them play as you attempt to watch the ball fly at 100+ miles an hour). The other gives you time to observe, review options, and respond accordingly. The space between the striking of the ball by the racket, until it's in your court varies drastically between the two scenarios. That gap allows you the time needed to play at a much higher level.?

Which do you choose?

Today, we focus on the power of the gap, or space, between the stimulus and the response. The longer we can make the space, the more time we have to observe, think, and plan the response. You can probably remember a disagreement where the words came out of both parties faster than you could process them. In some cases, it leads to an escalation of tempers and even outbursts that cause irreparable harm. Imagine the difference if both parties had the opportunity to take some time apart to think and revisit the conversation when they were both in a more neutral, calm mindset.?

Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor and author, wrote about this gap.

"Between the stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space lies our freedom and power to choose our responses. In our response lies our growth and our freedom" (Frankl, 1946).

Your parents may have simplified his message with the tried and tested "Count to 10" advice. Either way, it works. So why don't we use it every day and in all situations??

Sometimes, this is much harder than it sounds. Bringing a lot of emotions into the decision or discussion can cloud our judgment. The tendency to go with our gut, which got us this far, is too strong of a driver to temper it with reason.?

The key is to "Insert the Gap," a phrase coined by Frank Mallinder in his book "Practical Wisdom." The idea is to practice adding time or space between the stimulus and the response. Inserting the gap allows you the freedom to process and create multiple answers. Like a grand chess master, you can imagine future impacts and determine what works best for the current and future situation.?

It works best to build this skill set when you don't need the extra space or time. Practicing when the stakes are low allows you the ability to try and fail (see the previous article on making mistakes).?

One way to practice inserting the gap is to ask, "Or what happens?" when confronted with a hyper-time-sensitive decision. Opportunities rarely come only once in your lifetime and are so time-sensitive that they need to be solved now. Adding time and consideration gives you a higher probability of success. So add more time whenever possible. Make decisions from a calm, well-informed position.?

The same holds for heated conversations. You can diffuse the situation by saying, "We need time to think this through. How do you feel about taking a break for the next (fill in the time needed) and reconvening to see how we feel about it?" Take the time to work through the emotions and impact now so you can resolve the situation in the best way possible.?

Inserting the gap can be a challenging skill to master but will yield tremendous rewards if practiced consistently. Slowing everything down to the point where you can process it allows for better decision-making (and maybe the ability to return a 100+ MPH serve)?

Enjoy your day as you insert the gap!?

I hope you can insert a small gap to provide your feedback through a comment, message, or, even better, sharing this article with others. As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated and warmly welcomed!