The Power of Fear

Earlier this year I was in a?funk.??I couldn’t quite put my finger on it either.??I had just finished a great vacation with my two boys and their girlfriends.??I once heard that Olympians go into a funk after the Olympics because they work so hard for that goal, they meet the goal, and then it’s over.????I decided maybe this is what I was going thru.??I needed to set some new goals!

As an aside, about 7 years ago, I was in Queensland Australia and heard about this one-day mountain bike race where they shuttle you and your bike up into the Rainforest and then you ride through the rainforest and finish on the beach in Port Douglas.??I thought that sounded amazing.?

By May, I still didn’t have any big goals set for 2023 and we are now nearly ? way through the year. I wasn’t making progress, just spinning with thoughts but nothing was sticking.???I had been riding my road and gravel bike quite a bit and was in decent shape.???Then it occurred to me.??I could ride that one-day mountain bike race in Australia.??

I started to do the research and realized there are two different races.??One is called “Reef to Reef” and is a 4-day mountain bike race – Thursday thru Sunday.??On the last day, Sunday, you ride the Rainforest to Beach ride.????Alternatively, you could just do the one-day ride on Sunday called the Triple RRR (which is the Rainforest to Beach ride).

As excited as I was about doing this,?fear?took over.???I had this ongoing debate and?fear?was winning.???Fear was reminding me that 1) I don’t know the courses,2) I haven’t been mountain biking in years, 3) four days of racing is a lot, 4) what if I break a bone, and the list goes on.???I spoke to my best friend about this, and she said to “just do the one-day race then”.?

Something?clicked right when she basically said I could “take the easier path.”??I never take the easier path.??I like to do hard things.??I reflected on why I was having so much trouble with this decision and realized the?sheer power that fear?can have over making decisions.??It comes at you in?rapid fire?of all the reasons this is a bad idea.??Simply put,?fear?was holding me back.???I recognized it’s power.??It is way more powerful at night when I am tired as well.????The long conversations I had with fear were exhausting.??None of it is real unless it becomes real (more on that later).??Why was I giving it more power than it deserved.??Decision made.??Fear lost the debate, and I signed up for the four-day race.

The race location changes each day.??The first three days you start and finish at same location.??It isn’t until the last day where you start at high elevation and finish at the beach.??

Day 1?Short 11 miles + 2,400 feet climbing.

Day 2?Long???24 miles + 2,600 feet of climbing.

Day 3?Long???36 miles + 1,800 feet of climbing.

Day 4?Long???28 miles + 1,800 feet of climbing.

What normally happens with me is none of my fears come true and I am reminded that it is all a waste of energy to have these debates with?fear.??However, on this trip, my fears came true.??What was different is that I coped with the reality quite well.??

I arrived in Cairns (N.E. Australia) early so I could get some riding in and become familiar with the courses.??However, the bike shop wasn’t open on the Sunday, so I only had Tuesday and Wednesday to practice.???On first day of practice, I get lost and tried to ride up a black diamond trail thinking it was part of the course.??At this point I knew this race was going to be way above my skill level.??Fear?decided to make a return comeback.???Later that night, I did more research and realized the race is only on intermediate trails and not black diamond (advanced).??What a relief.??

The next day I go back to find the Pipeline trail.??This specific trail is the most difficult part of the race and I wanted to pre-ride it.??It was a steep climb with about 20-25 switchbacks on the way up and a similar amount on the way down.????I rode up well but I also benefited from an early morning start when the weather was cool. I was excited to ride the downhill because generally I’m a good descender.??This proved not to be the case on the first third of the decent.??The initial 6-8 switchbacks had some very technical roots, rocks, and drops and they come up on you very quickly.??It shook my confidence.??I started to think Race Day and how much more difficult it would be once I was racing with others.??Anxiety started to creep back in.??

Although I was excited the next morning for Race Day, my legs feel like a newborn baby deer, very wobbly from the prior two days of riding.??My close friends back home were all texting me wishing me luck and telling me I’m going to crush it.???However, my confidence is shot, my legs are wobbly, and the race is starting in the midafternoon in the hot Australian sun.??

Day 1.??

I line up as the last person to start so I don’t have the pressure of anyone behind me.????The next 3 hours are so painfully bad.??I crash within 4 min of racing and then fall another 10-15 times getting a combination of deep bruising and road rash all over my legs.??The lack of confidence and wobbly legs were a brutal combination.??I wasn’t myself.??To make matters worse, the sweeper, who is the designated volunteer who ensures everyone is off the course, basically rode behind me most of the race.??His name was Tim, and he was very encouraging.??This could have been humiliating but I wasn’t.??He kept encouraging me and I just kept going.

My goal was to finish this stage.??However, there were time cutoffs and if I didn’t make them, I would not be able to finish, and the scoring would show a DNF (did not finish).??With about 3 miles to go and a short, steep section left, a course official waved me down.??He said that I wasn’t at risk of a time cut-off but gave me the option to skip this last brutal part and take a time penalty for doing it but not a DNF.??I jumped at it.??I needed to survive day 1 and regroup for Day 2.???I have a video of me finishing and I am genuinely so happy.??You would think I won the race.??I knew Day 1 would be hard as it was a midafternoon start and the most technical day of the four days.?

Day 2 was better.??

My confidence wasn’t back completely, and my legs were still tired.??I decided to start at the back of the pack and just?ride?not race.???It was a long day at 28 miles although advertised as 24 miles with 3,000 feet of climbing.???I embraced the thought that I would be last but would enjoy the journey.??As I rode, I just appreciated that I was doing something amazing in a beautiful part of the world.??The course had us go thru three rivers.??The water was so refreshingly cold that I submerged myself to lower my body temperature.??This was a lifesaving strategy.??Near the end, I met up with two guys that were riding as a team.??We finished together as a trio.??Technically, I was second to last and that was?intentional.

Day 3.

I didn’t sleep well for the 3 days leading up to Day 3.??I use WHOOP which measures all sorts of great health data about my body – sleep quality, heart rate, recovery, strain, etc. I had been in the RED the past four days.??I made the decision to NOT race Day 3 and to work alongside my dear friend, Adam Nicholson, who works at the local bike shop “Pump and Pedals” in Cairns.??He had been amazing in every way possible.???

During Day 1 through Day 3, I bonded with two women:??Natasha from Darwin, Australia, and Charmaine from South Africa.??We were all accomplished riders but from their vantage point, I would understand if they thought I was a beginner.????This would change by Day 4.

Day 4.

The day everyone is excited about. Riding through the rainforest and finishing on the beach.??Epic.???I left my Airbnb in Trinity Beach at 5am to drive to Port Douglas.??We had to be there at 5:45am to load our bikes and get on the shuttle up to Mount Molloy.??I was feeling great.??I was confident and my legs were fresh.??I remembered something Jason Bates wrote on one of my Strava posted training rides the day before the race.??He said L.F.G.??I assume this meant Let’s E’ffin Go.????This was my mantra on Day 4.???

Charmaine, Natasha, and I all lined up at the back of the pack.??I vowed to stay with them the entire race no matter what.??As we rode, I felt so strong.??Staying with them was not an issue.??We were all evenly matched.??I felt confident in every aspect of the race.??I really loved riding with these two other women. We were like the three musketeers.??There is such power in supporting each other.??We were riding through the rainforest with some apprehension on the steep downhill called the Bump Track.???We descended it just fine and it was loads of fun.??When we exited the Bump Track, I was going crazy hooting and hollering.??

Finally, my day came together, and I wasn’t going to be last.??We just had 2.5 miles left on the beach before we finished.??We finished together.??I was over the moon.

Fear is real.??However, if you give it too much power you may live a safe but unfulfilled life.??I didn’t let Fear win although some of it played out.??

Life is short.??Don’t take the easy path it isn’t as fulfilling.

Stephanie Roberts