The Power of External and Internal Listening

In everything we do — every conversation, situation, and interaction — listening is key. There is so much room for confusion between two people, let alone an entire group of people. It takes time and energy to get better at really hearing what we have to say to each other. It goes beyond words and into the realm of body language, facial expressions, and even silence. Yes, some people are gifted listeners, but everyone and anyone can improve. And when you do, doors will open up in all of your relationships — business and otherwise!

Another aspect of listening is self-listening. Our relationship with ourselves is no less complicated than our relationships with other people, but sometimes we ignore our own thoughts and actions. What does that little voice inside your head say when you make a power move? What about when you bench yourself? And how do you speak to yourself about yourself?

Tips to Improve External Listening

When you enter a conversation with another person, your primary goal should be to learn. If your goal is to prove someone wrong or win a debate, you’ll be listening for entry points instead of absorbing information. It’s not that you can’t disagree — you can — but if you’re in disagreement, there is still always something to be learned, even if it’s just about the person speaking. 

Secondly, you want to solve a specific problem, so be careful not to change the subject. It’s easy to misconstrue the meaning of a conversation or wander off course. Stay focused, provide audible feedback, and summarize what’s been said back to the speaker. Ask plenty of questions, too!

Listen with your ears, eyes, and instincts. You can infer a lot from posture, expression, tone, and other non-verbal clues. For example, are their legs or arms crossed? This could mean opposition — maybe they don’t fully believe what they’re saying. Research shows that a measly 7% of communication is based on what we say. The rest comes from tone and body language.

Tips to Improve Internal Listening

It’s a messy place, inside our heads — full of clutter, self-critique, clutter, and nonsense. But in the middle of all that is our truest self. You just have to get better at listening to it. 

Check-in with yourself regularly. Consider how you feel about a certain subject and then observe your own thoughts without judgment. For example, let’s say your first thought about an idea is something like, “That seems pointless.” Not the most elegant answer, but natural nonetheless. Question yourself further. What would you do differently? How would you choose to solve the problem? 

Don’t discount your imagination. Set aside time each day to let your mind wander. Some of your best and most genuine thoughts will come when you let your mind drift and play. In the same vein, get out of your comfort zone as much as possible. Travel somewhere new, try new food, or just take a different path home.

Challenge your most negative thoughts. It’s true when they say we’re our own worst critics. Stand up to that critic! Contradict it! Think about how you would respond if your best friend talked about themselves the same way.

There is power in listening — to ourselves and others — but like anything, it takes practice and patience to improve. More than anything else, try to approach life with a little more curiosity. There’s so much left to learn!