The Power of Expressing Yourself

Embracing the Power of ‘No’.

Do you like to say ‘Yes’ even when you don’t really mean it? It’s very easy word to say, isn’t it? One simple gesture of agreement and you suddenly appear to be friendly, like-minded, positive and co-operative. You even get a small reward in return, don’t you? Have you noticed how often people smile at you when you say ‘Yes’? You usually get a nod of approval for agreeing with whatever’s just been said. And it can certainly feel good. It’s such a simple way to gain a small measure of acceptance from the people around you.

Does that seem familiar to you?

We’re referencing this habit today because it’s too easy to fall into the comfortable trap of agreeing with others in order to score that precious ounce of acceptance. Saying ‘Yes’ when you really need to say ‘No’ is a behaviour that does not serve you well. Perhaps it’s time to consider the problem from a different perspective.

 Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.

― Anna Taylor

To be fair, most people don’t feel comfortable when they feel obliged to disagree with someone else’s opinion. Especially when they’re face to face. There are, course, plenty of exceptions to this tendency. We’ve all met individuals who really seem to enjoy disagreeing – just to be different or to produce an atmosphere of conflict. Whatever you say, they automatically assume the opposite position. Fun during a debate. Not so easy if you happen to be married to such an individual!

But the simple fact is that many of us have been conditioned from early childhood to mistake agreeing with politeness. We’re taught that it’s bad manners to trigger conflict by disagreeing. Especially with our elders. And so, the habit develops until we lapse into the automatic response of superficially agreeing with pretty much everyone. We do this to avoid the discomfort of giving offence. To avoid disappointing others.

There are often many things we feel we should do that, in fact, we don't really have to do. Getting to the point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone in the simplification process.

― Elaine St. James

So, let’s strive for clarity. There’s a world of difference between holding a different view and causing offence. It’s clearly revealed in the language, the tone, the emotional content and the feelings that define how you express yourself. And learning to say ‘No’ is a very important step in the process of personal empowerment.

The main benefit is in your willingness to renounce your dependence on other people’s approval.

That’s a major step in the right direction. This widespread dependency frequently leads to some very unhealthy relationships. Every time you offer your inappropriate ‘Yes’, you receive a measure of approval in return. However, when you say ‘No’, the approval is swiftly and unmistakably withdrawn. We’ve all experienced this particular brand of dysfunctional relationship. The answer is to recognise the important fact that healthy, supportive relationships are not dependent upon the supply or withdrawal of personal approval. You are the only person who has the power to grant yourself the freedom to hold a different view, to disagree, to decline an offer or just say ‘No’. This is the kind of personal freedom and empowerment that will unchain you from the fickle behaviour of others.  

At a deeper level, we can learn from these experiences that it is far more important to give ourselves the approval we need rather than seek it from people who might abuse their position of influence in our lives. Yes, it’s wonderful to receive recognition for our achievements. But it’s essential that we don’t become addicted to the experience. Growth and personal development flow from an inner understanding of who we are. That’s where we can cultivate the inner strength and stability that endow us with a certain degree of immunity from becoming overly attached to other people’s approval. It grants us a degree of independence and creates the space for us to say ‘Yes’ when that’s the answer that corresponds most closely to how we feel – and ‘No’ when that’s the answer we really wish to give.

‘No’ is also a powerful word we can use to set boundaries and reinforce our priorities. It helps us to avoid distractions and maintain our focus. It’s quite extraordinary, for example, to be presented with a temptation - an item of food that might not be good for our health or our weight, a late night that’s bound to conflict with our work in the morning, an invitation to participate in something that isn’t in our best interests – and simply decide to say ‘No’. It’s a powerful experience. It reinforces our sense of being in control in our lives. We’re reminded that we have the power to choose and that our destiny lies very much in our own hands.

It takes effort to say no when our heart and brains and guts and, most important,

our pride are yearning to say yes. Practice.

― Cole Harmonson

Learning to say ‘No’ might initially be uncomfortable. That’s highly likely. But all the significant growth that we experience in life involves some element of discomfort. That’s what makes the growth so worthwhile. You have to trade your temporary discomfort against the multiple benefits that accrue as you step beyond your old limitations and experience new levels of personal power and potential.

Today is a perfect day to consider any situations where you tend to say ‘Yes’ when your inner voice is saying ‘No’. Consider whether the payoff of saying something that you don’t mean is advancing your personal power – or diminishing it. The choice is always yours.

Let’s celebrate this day with the magnificence of your personal power and use it to shape your future. And part of that responsibility involves learning to say what you mean and retain full personal authority in your life to say “No’ whenever it’s appropriate.

Real freedom is saying 'no' without giving a reason.

― Amit Kalantri

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