The Power of Empathy

Whew, what a week!

I don’t know about you, but I heard a lot of talking — loud talking — about dumping people, forcing change, embracing change. I heard a lot of back-and-forth about sexual harassment and powerful women. I heard about Wikileaks, gold star parents, demands for apologies and babies.Yes, babies.

But what stayed with me and got me thinking were the words of Mr. Khizr Khan, the father of Captain Humayun Khan who rocked the Democratic National Convention and went on to find himself embroiled in a duel of words with the Republican nominee. What struck me most about him, what stayed with me, was his emphasis on the trait of empathy.

Empathy.

It was a trait he said admired in his own son and it was a trait he was asking others to exhibit. Over the years I’ve thought a lot about empathy. Who has it, who doesn’t? Are you born with it? Can it be taught (studies show it can)?

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During this volatile political season I think a conversation about empathy is a good one for all of us to have — in our homes, in our workplaces and, most importantly, with ourselves. Mr Khan said repeatedly in the interview I watched that he wasn’t looking for an apology from any one person, he was simply looking for empathy.

Empathy is different from sympathy. Different from tolerance or even compassion. Empathy is the ability to share someone else’s feelings. Feeling that you can understand another person’s experiences. In short: To walk in their shoes.

I’ve often written about my own desire to help build a more caring, compassionate, collaborative world. But I’ve been thinking: To get there we first need to talk about, and yes exhibit, empathy. Or, we won’t be able to make our way to the world I’m envisioning. 

I have tremendous empathy for Mr. and Mrs. Khan. What they went through, and even what they are going through in this election free-for-all. I also have empathy for all those who are terrified of the change they see unfolding in front of their very eyes. Fear is the underlying emotion behind rage, bullying, lashing out. Fear and powerlessness: Those two things make us all do and say things we might some day come to regret.

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Change is hard, change is scary, but one thing I’ve learned in life is when all is said and done, change is a constant — you can’t stop it so you’d better learn how to embrace it or you are going to be one highly-anxious, scary, angry person. Our country has changed, and will continue to do so, on a daily basis. Families have changed, business have changed, men and women’s roles and outlooks have changed, Democrats have changed and, yes, so have Republicans. 

We are not going back. So the question for each of us is: How do we move forward? How do we embrace change? How do we have empathy for those around us who are frightened, confused, angry? How do we move forward with empathy for one another? It is the most important human characteristic we need to help us move humanity forward together.

So this week, may we turn down the rhetoric, turn down the volume. May we think about the empathy Mr. Khan implored us all to find in ourselves. May we find it, share it and pass it forward.

[Read more of Maria’s ‘I’ve Been Thinking’ essays here]