The Power of Empathy: How to connect with your co-workers

Empathy is a crucial element in nurturing healthy work relationships, yet it often gets overlooked or misinterpreted. We find it easy to show empathy towards those we already like or connect with, but what happens when we need to extend that empathy to those who challenge us, those who make our work life more difficult? The truth is, real empathy shows its worth not in how we treat our friends but in how we treat those who criticize, who seem constantly negative, or who make us uncomfortable.

Why is empathy so easy for some and not for others?

Empathy comes naturally when we feel warmth and positivity towards someone. Our brain responds to kindness and similarity by opening up, enabling us to understand and share our emotions. On the other hand, the colleague who always criticises your work, who brings negativity to meetings, or who just seems to push all your buttons? It's a lot harder to see things from their point of view.

But consider this: it’s precisely these individuals who need empathy the most. Maybe their constant criticism comes from their own insecurity. Perhaps their negativity is rooted in personal struggles or frustration they can't quite communicate. Extending empathy to them doesn't mean accepting bad behaviour or disrespect—far from it. Empathy is about understanding the underlying emotions, not excusing actions that cross the line. Empathy isn't about allowing yourself to be harassed or mistreated; it's about approaching others with an openness that helps you respond, rather than react.

What empathy isn't

Let's be clear—empathy isn't the same as compliance. It doesn't mean letting yourself be walked over or agreeing with behaviour that is inappropriate or damaging. Empathy does not imply staying silent in the face of harassment or abuse, nor does it mean avoiding accountability or failing to speak up. Rather, empathy is about seeing the person behind the behaviour and seeking a better understanding of where they're coming from—all while maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself.

Developing emotional agility

Empathy is closely linked with emotional agility—the ability to approach your emotions with curiosity, not judgment. This allows you to listen to what's being said, digest it fully, and then respond with intention, rather than reacting defensively. When you're dealing with someone difficult, emotional agility can help you slow down and choose a path that’s both authentic and constructive.

3 strategies for building empathy towards colleagues

1. Shift your perspective with intentional curiosity: when dealing with a challenging colleague, make it a point to genuinely wonder what might be driving their behaviour. Ask yourself: What might they be experiencing? You don't need to justify their behaviour, but you do need to be curious enough to wonder what's beneath the surface. This helps you detach from your immediate emotional response and can open a window into understanding.
2. Name your reactions: when you're facing someone who pushes your buttons, take a moment to mentally label what you're feeling—whether it's frustration, anger, or disappointment. By naming your reaction, you create a little emotional distance, allowing yourself to respond with empathy rather than react with anger or defensiveness.
3. Look for the common goal: this strategy is often overlooked. Even with the most difficult colleagues, there’s likely some shared goal—maybe it’s the success of the project, or maybe it’s simply maintaining a functional work environment. Find that common thread, and focus on it. By zeroing in on what you both want to achieve, you can soften your approach and shift the dynamic from opposition to collaboration.

Practicing empathy

• Practice active listening: commit to really listening during your conversations, without planning your response while the other person speaks. Show you’re engaged by reflecting back on what you've heard and validating their emotions.
• Pause before reacting: when something triggers you, take a few seconds to breathe. This pause can be powerful, giving you time to process and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
• Write it down: after a challenging interaction, jot down what you think the other person might be feeling. Writing helps clarify and solidify your understanding, and over time, it builds a habit of empathy.

Empathy at work isn’t just about kindness; it’s a tool for navigating complex dynamics and building stronger relationships. The more we extend empathy to those who challenge us, the more resilient and cohesive our work environments become. Practising empathy requires effort, but it’s this kind of effort that transforms a good team into a great one.