The Power of Empathy

One morning while facilitating the Coaching Certificate program for the Association for Talent Development, we began discussing the characteristics of effective coaches and leaders.?During the discussion, a senior leader asked a simple question: “What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?”

I acknowledged the complexities of this question and the answer’s implications and then turned it over to the other participants in the program to offer their own perspectives. There were many compelling answers shared in this insightful dialog. Yet there was one synchronous pattern: many people interchangeably used the associated terms sympathy and empathy. Although they sound similar, their meanings and actions are far different.

According to Merriam-Webster, sympathy is defined as: “an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other.”

Based on this definition, when someone loses a loved one in death, for example, friends may express their sympathy because they too have lost someone and know the pain and agony associated with such a loss. Conversely, someone who has never experienced such a loss may not be able to properly sympathize. This is where empathy comes in.

The best definition of empathy I ever heard came from a minister. He defined it as: “Your pain, in my heart.”?I have never forgotten that simple, effective definition. Yes, even if someone cannot sympathize with another, it is possible to reach a similar emotional level by taking on that person’s pain as if it were their own. This compassion moves them to do something to assist that person in word and action.

As our world works to extricate itself from the grips of the worst pandemic in over a hundred years, people, families, and communities have paid an exorbitant price in many ways. A lot of people are still under tremendous pressure. Leaders at all levels need to show more empathy than ever before as we work to re-stabilize and re-enter the workplaces we left two years ago.

As an emotional intelligence practitioner, I like how MHS describes empathy in their EQ 2.0 assessment: “Empathy is recognizing, understanding, and appreciating how other people feel. Empathy involves being able to articulate your understanding of another’s perspective and behaving in a way that respects others' feelings.”?Operating under this definition, leaders can go a long way in making psychologically safe workplaces and communities.

There is, however, a word of caution. Too much empathy can sap an individual’s power. Our first responders discovered this in the early days of the pandemic. In talking with this group, I gained a new appreciation for the delicate balance first responders face every day — the ability to act empathetically and then the need to release the feelings so as not to be overtaken by emotion. If that were to happen, a first responder would lose the power needed to show up as their best self for the next patient in a medical facility or the next citizen in the community as a member of law enforcement. So there is a need for equilibrium.

In a meeting with his 100 Coaches, Dr. Marshall Goldsmith explained the difference between emotional empathy and cognitive or professional empathy. He said professional coaches have to develop the capacity to fully take on a client’s emotions to support the individual at that moment, but then immediately release these associated feelings. We can’t become the client. Empathize — but don’t suffer with the client was the suggestion.

In the end, after the other leaders in the room provided their responses to the question posed in our session, I provided much of what I have written here as my perspective. As coaches and leaders, let’s do what we can to help others genuinely from the heart using the power of empathy.

Pro Bono Executive Coaching

At the pandemic's start, I volunteered to support first responders with pro bono executive coaching.?On March 17, 2022, I had the honor of meeting one of my clients from that period for the first time.

Lieutenant Va’Shawnda McLean has served and protected the city of Houston as a Police Officer for the last 15 years.?She and her husband Clement, also a Houston Police Officer, have been married 31 years and have two children.?She is in the dissertation stage of her Ph.D. ?Lieutenant McLean invited me to attend an event where she was on the panel discussing “The Value of a Mentor.”?I was honored to attend to support her and meet other incredible female police officers gathered together for the event in support of Women’s History Month.?The theme was “Women SERVING, MENTORING, and LEADING.”

We all owe gratitude to Lieutenant Va’Shawnda McLean and the other incredible female officers working hard to protect and defend our community.

Book of the Month Recommendation

Ron Carucci

Ron Carucci is an award-winning author who contributes to the Harvard Business Review and Forbes. His latest book is: "To Be Honest: Lead with the Power of Truth, Justice, and Purpose. Bloomberg Businessweek selected this book as one of the best for 2021!

??Get your copy on Amazon!

Books Available for Pre-Order

Marshall Goldsmith

I have the privilege of being one of Marshall Goldsmith's 100 Coaches. I followed his work and read his books for many years before being chosen as one of his 100 Coaches. I have always recommended his books. On May 3, 2022, he will release a new book that I am really excited about. He has walked his coaches through the book for the last few months. I can't wait to see the finished product of his next insightful gift to the world!

The Earned Life: Lose Regret, Choose Fulfillment

??Pre-order your copy on Amazon!

In the Media

I was quoted in the March/April 2022 issue of Speaker Magazine, a publication produced by the National Speakers Association, in an article entitled: Triple Threat: TRAINING, CONSULTING, AND COACHING. It is written by Glen Guyton.?It's an honor to be included with Darcy Luoma and my personal coach and mentor?Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC!?The article is available here!

Final Independent Speech

As of September 27, 2021, all my paid speeches are delivered through my new company Linkage, Inc. I had one speech that was still owed to an organization from last year. I had the honor of speaking to 200 C-Suite leaders across South-East Asia as part of ITD World's Certified Chief Master Coach's Master Class program. My speech entitled: What Makes Multigenerational Coaching Powerful is available here!

Leadership Insights

I contribute thought leadership to Linkage, Inc's Leadership Insights blog. Check out my first two contributions!

Volodymyr Zelensky—The Epitome of Purposeful Leadership?

Photo Credit:?

President.gov.ua,?CC BY 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Inclusion Matters: Ketanji Brown Jackson Confirmed to the Supreme Court

Photo Credit:?Drew Angerer/Getty Images

Podcast of the Month Recommendation

My good friend Lisa Spinelli is the host of The Accidental Trainer podcast. It is produced bimonthly by the Association for Talent Development. It features industry experts who share stories and tips about how to grow your training career.?Visit https://www.td.org/accidental-trainer-podcasts!

I recommend this podcast because of its quality and the amazing guests.?I also had the honor of being a guest on this incredible podcast.?Click here to listen to my episode on Apple Podcasts. You can also listen on Amazon Music, Audible, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Check out a 4-minute video summary here!

Keep Leading!? Podcast (On Pause but Powerful)

I’ve paused the production of the Keep Leading!? podcast but love looking back at the powerful words of the incredible leaders I interviewed.?Check out this look back at one of my most memorable episodes with Melissa Agnes a leading authority on crisis preparedness, reputation management, and brand protection. Agnes is a coveted speaker, commentator, and advisor to some of today’s leading organizations faced with the greatest risks.

?? 60 Second Preview ?? available by clicking here!

Visit CRISIS READY?for the entire episode or wherever you listen to podcasts!

About Eddie Turner

Top 10 Ranked Motivational Speaker in the World—Global Gurus | Preeminent Authority on Emerging Leaders—Forbes | Certified Executive Coach | International Best-Selling Author | Master Facilitator | Former C-Suite Radio Host of the Keep Leading!? Podcast | Member of Marshall Goldsmith’s 100 Coaches | #ICFCoachoftheWeek | Top 25 Thought Leader—Thinkers360 | Top 30 Biggest Voice in Leadership to Watch for 2022 —leadersHum | Harvard Kennedy School Executive Education Alum: Public Leadership