How can we be more tolerant of doubt?
Rachel Botsman
Leading expert on trust in the modern world. Author of WHAT’S MINE IS YOURS, WHO CAN YOU TRUST? And HOW TO TRUST & BE TRUSTED, writer and curator of the popular newsletter RETHINK.
I have often wondered if the most powerful ideas come not from anger or ego, but from doubt: I don’t know, I just don’t know.
Every day, I try to say to my kids:
-????I’m not sure.
-????I was wrong.
-????I don’t know.
In a small way, I’m trying to counter a culture so focused on being right about almost everything – from our political beliefs to our favourite sports teams.
I want them to understand how much the pull 'to be right' can powerfully take hold of us from a very young age.
I want them to know I’ll do my very best not to protect them from the discomfort doubts can stir (although it's hard as a parent to not try to remove them.)
I want them to know that openness about errors and committing mistakes, even the embarrassing ones that make you want to hide forever, are essential for trust and personal growth.
As the behavioural economist Danny Kahneman recently said:
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“Don't trust in ideas and beliefs just because you can't imagine another alternative to them. Overconfidence is really the enemy of good thinking, and I wish that humility about our beliefs could spread.”?
In other words, don’t trust yourself too much.
Doubt has become such a loaded word because of all the advice telling us to “never doubt yourself.” I know there are self-doubts that can be horribly paralyzing. Doubts that can wear us down and make us feel a deep sense of insecurity. But there is so much value in a type of doubt that can help to become more creative, with richer thoughts and wider perspectives.
I came across this concept called ‘negative capability’ introduced by the great Romantic poet John Keats in a letter he wrote in 1817:
“When a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason,”
If there is a life skill we need right now, at work and in our personal lives, it’s a willingness to embrace doubts and boundless uncertainty.
A QUESTION FOR YOU: Is there a part of your life where you wish you could become more tolerant of doubt?
Warmly and be safe,
Rachel
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Fee Earner
4 年Thought provoking article most particularly that’s about the need for people to be right all the time particularly in say politics or as I’d like to expand just the need do people to express not doubts in general opinions surely it’s the exploration and discussion of those doubts without label or and stigma around saying I don’t know or I’m unsure that really opens the door up to understand/learning. Thank you for the article Rachel
Leader at Empowered Consumerism International
4 年Thanks for sharing
Purpose-Based, ICF Master Certified Executive Coach I Thinking Partner and Coach to C-Suite, Senior Leaders & Teams ★Unleashing Brilliance★
4 年As a recovering perfectionist, I love this post Rachel Botsman. So much more possibility in loosening the control and percolating in the not knowing - and truthfully as you and we all agree, in our current times, never has it been more important to hold fast to our values, but know there are many ways that we will engage or that things will play out, when we act and believe in alignment with them.