The Power of Determination (and Knowing When to Go Solo)

This week taught me something profound about human capability. Between dismantling my old bed (farewell, faithful friend), assembling its replacement entirely on my own (hello, personal victory), making a savvy car switch, submitting my research paper for publication, and contributing a chapter to a book, I've realised we're capable of far more than we often give ourselves credit for.

A peculiar magic happened when I decided things needed sorting. That research paper, the one that earned a distinction? Submitted for publication. That book chapter I've been working on? Submitted. That new bed? I assembled it piece by piece, solo, not because help wasn't available but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could. That very pricey car lease? Transformed into ownership of a modern classic.

And here's where the story takes an interesting turn: while the car situation showed me the power of leaning on connections (thanks to a friend who knows people, I broke free from the perpetual lease cycle), the bed assembly taught me something equally valuable. Sometimes, choosing the more challenging path, doing something alone when help is available, is about something other than being stubborn. It's about those private victories that build our confidence from the inside out. Every screw turned, every piece aligned, was a small testament to self-reliance.

This brings me to a more nuanced truth about the myth of self-reliance.

We often hear phrases like 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' or 'if you want something doing, do it yourself'. The reality is more complex. While my distinction-level research and book chapter benefited from academic and personal guidance, and the car situation was transformed through networking, that bed stands as a monument to knowing when to go solo. The wisdom lies not in always asking for help or going alone but in knowing which path better serves your growth in each situation.

I know that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, nor is choosing to tackle something alone when your gut tells you it's important for your personal growth. Cities have been built, and rockets launched through collective effort. Yes, but we also build confidence and self-trust through personal challenges deliberately chosen and overcome.

The real superpower lies in the balance: knowing when to tap into collective wisdom (like publishing research that builds on others' work), when to leverage networks (like finding a better car deal through connections), and when to wrestle with that IKEA manual alone because proving something to yourself matters more than efficiency.

So the next time you face what seems like an insurmountable task, remember this: You can do hard things. Sometimes, you'll need help, and that's OK. Sometimes, you'll choose to do it alone, even when help is available, and that's OK, too. The key is understanding your true motivation. Are you going it alone because you're afraid to ask for help or because you need to prove something to yourself? Are you seeking help because you need it or because you're scared to try alone?

Start with that first step. Break down the challenge into manageable pieces. Be honest about whether this is a moment for collaboration or personal challenge. When you achieve something remarkable, whether getting a distinction or building furniture solo, let the shared and private victories shape your confidence.

This week stands as proof: with the right mindset, the wisdom to know when to seek help and when to go it alone, and the generosity to share our achievements, there's very little we can't accomplish. Sleeping in my newly assembled bed reminds me that sometimes, the longest path is exactly what we need to take.

You know what? Writing this piece brings home why I love using Spotlight in my own life and with my clients. It's been my compass for navigating these exact decisions, helping me understand when my instinct to go it alone serves me (like with that bed assembly!) and when I might need to flex my approach. I use this incredible tool in my coaching practice because I've experienced firsthand how it illuminates how we behave and think. (Trust me, that's rare in the personality assessment world!) What I've discovered through my Spotlight and Positive Psychology awareness is that understanding myself, my natural strengths, my mindset, and my ability to flex and adapt changes everything. It's like having a personal GPS for life's challenges.

If you've been nodding along to this post, thinking about your balance between solo missions and teamwork, I'd love to explore that further with you. Whether you're tackling a big career move, leading a team, or want to understand yourself better, like I did, let's chat about how we can shine a light on your path forward. Drop me a message, and let's discover how you can tackle your challenges more confidently and clearly – whether that means going solo or building your support team!

Sarah Gatford is The Positivity Pathfinder, an accredited positive psychology coach who has an MSc in Applied Positive Psychology and Coaching Psychology.

P.S. Every great story deserves a witness. If you’re in the middle of working yours out and need someone to help you see the plot twists as opportunities, let’s talk.