The power of deep listening

Has it ever happened that you’ve spoken to someone who made you feel like you were the only person in the world at that moment? Someone who seemed genuinely interested in every word that you spoke?

This is what we call deep listening. It is more than a valuable social habit; it is a transformative communication tool. With deep listening, you are giving yourself the time and space to absorb what your partner is saying entirely, and you can encourage him or her to feel genuinely heard and to speak more openly and honestly. 

There are four core tenets of deep listening.

1. Eye contact

When you maintain good eye contact, you are showing your partner that you are sufficiently interested and engaged in what he or she is saying. An excellent guideline to adhere to is the 80/20 rule, where 80% of your time your eyes are in your partner’s eyes, and 20% of the time, your eyes are roaming as you gather information.

2. Presence

Your mind is going a lot faster than what you’re listening to, which makes it easy for your mind to drift. It’s up to you to learn how to control your mind and stop it from shifting away from the conversation to be truly present. 

3. Non-verbal feedback

Make sure to give the occasional nod, a smile, or any other sign of recognition to your partner. These non-verbal cues are far from trivial and have a considerable impact on showing your involvement, understanding, and interest in the conversation.

4. Connection

When you are in a conversation with someone else, try to position your body in a way that creates a safe and welcoming space for him or her to speak openly. You can lean slightly in, pull your shoulders back, so you open up your chest, and fold your hands in your lap or on the table in front of you. This will indicate that you are confident about what you’re hearing.