The power & dark-side of 'IDENTITY'

First off, I don't give a shit about your identity.???

Let me explain why.

Whatever you think you are, you're more than that. You are infinite, whole and all encompassing. You are the one that gets to choose their identity.

Let me explain identity.

Your identity is who you think you are. Your identity provides you with sense of self. It says, "hey look me, ????♂?this is who I am!" It's like a costume that can appear static, but in actuality it's highly dynamic and constantly evolving.?

Let me explain evolution of my identity.

I began as an idea. Became a premature baby. Biracial. Then a cute baby. Son. A rambunctious toddler. An excited brother. Then playful, high spirited child. A well-rounded athlete. The coach's son. Well-mannered student. Sensitive. Well-liked. The best friend. Good student. Musician. Rebelling teen. Most likely to become an FBI agent. A boyfriend. The cheating type. Accident prone. Chris squared. College student. UW Husky. Frat bro. Life of the party. Fit. Rico Suave. Cheater. In my 20's. Double major. Wanna-be police officer. A f*$% the system kind of guy. Bartender. Personal Trainer. Crossfit Coach. World traveler. Professional. Adult. Personable. Respectful. Pro-choice. I become a grad student. Career changer. In-debt. Consultant. Life Coach. Black. White. Both. Neither. Committed partner. Solopreneur. Charismatic. Energetic. In my 30's. Highly networked. Liberal. Spiritual. Change maker. Professional trainer. Communitarian. Healer. Life-long student. Balanced. I do 'the work'. Leadership Coach. Libertarian. Team member. Facilitator. A let me see if I can master the system sort of guy. The executive.?

You picking up what I'm putting down? These 'identities' aren't even half of them. Some of them self-proclaimed and others labels placed on me. Point being, our identities are always changing, all the time.?

Identities can be useful…until they're not.?

Let me explain the power of identity.

Identities appear useful in helping us relate to others. When Allysa and I were first 'together', we didn't feel the need to label it as anything. As time went on, others would ask "what's going on between you two?". What birthed from these conversations? "We're partners!". People have a propensity to place you in a category as it helps them simplify how they relate to you. Your definition of the label will most always be different than how others define it. Each person has different meanings for identity labels because we each have a unique history and vantage point. So while they're useful in relating to others, they're not always accurate.?

Identity structure seems to be needed in order to function in modern society. You used to have to identify as man/woman to determine which restroom you went into. Which we know has changed in many places. When you're building a business you need to find a niche. Trying to be all things to everyone is not how to run a successful business. I've learned this first hand, haha. Identities allow you to fit into a group. Albiet, everyone in the group will have a slightly different definition of the identity.?

Identity allows you to focus on a few things, rather than all the things. If we try to be everything, we're nothing. With identity, you can focus your attention and energy in a particular direction, which usually reinforces your sense of identity.

While it might be liberating, we might also feel aimless and disconnected.

Which brings me to the dark-side of identity.

I'm speaking from my direct experience and what I've observed with individual clients and my study of group/social dynamics. We can develop an unhealthy attachment to our identity. This typically takes the form of resistance to beliefs, thoughts, behaviors, ideas, people and situations that are counter to our identity.?

It's this resistance that can actually close you off to new ways of thinking, being and acting in the world. It can limit who you come into contact with and ultimately the relationships you cultivate. This is what it's meant to live in a 'bubble'. It can keep you trapped in a particular relationship or career. It can keep you in the same patterns and behaviors. It can literally limit the entire human experience.

Even though we've evolved our identity countless times throughout our lifetime, it's absolutely fascinating how tightly we can hold onto them as if it's the only thing that exists.

Here are some current identity shifts I'm currently exploring:

?? Communitarian to Individual

?? Solopreneur to Executive

?? Libertarian to Conservative?

?? Free Spirit to Settled

?? Outgoing to Reserved

Here's the deal with this exploration though: I'm not one or the other, I'm both and so much more. Plus, I know I can and will continue to shift over time. These labels do not define me, nor do labels define you. I embrace the constant evolution.?

My invitation for you

Let go of who you were so you can become who you're meant to be. Life will present opportunities beyond your wildest dreams when you you stay open to evolving your identity. I'm not saying lose sight of your core (which rarely makes shifts and if it does, they're subtle). I'm encouraging you to stay open. In your lifetime, you've already let go of versions of yourself. Stay the course.

Shed. Let go. Reconfigure. Reform. Stabilize. Ground. Solidify. Repeat.?

What identities are you letting go of? Which identities are you forming?

PS - Shout out to my fluid identity types (which, yes is just another identity ??). The ability to shift from one identity to the next is where it's at. These people are able to meet the present moment in whatever way is most beneficial for themselves and others. Cheers to you for modeling this.?