The Power of NO

The telemarketer who calls you at home to interrupt your dinner will not ask you a question which invites a ‘No’ response. ‘No’ is considered kryptonite. That’s because the telemarketer has been trained to relentlessly pursue “Yes” in the false belief you will get accustomed to saying “Yes” right up until the invitation to buy.

Is that your experience with telemarketers? If you’re at all like me you’re almost desperate to say ‘No’ and end the intrusive conversation. You want some power, you want to feel in control.

Chris Voss, author of Never Split the Difference – Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on it, writes extensively about the power of ‘No’, and Voss should know something about the topic, having learned his negotiating skills as a hostage negotiator for the FBI, where the stakes simply could not be higher.

Voss writes, “People have an inherent need to feel in control. Saying ‘No’ makes all of us feel safe, secure, in control, so trigger ‘No’.”

If this seems counter-intuitive, consider these two examples.

When requesting the first face-to-face meeting with a new possible donor, saying "Is now a bad time to talk" is better than "Do you have a few minutes to talk?”. When the person on the receiving end of this question is given permission to simply say ‘No’, it’s almost certain that ‘No’ will be followed by further commentary: “No, I can give you a minute”. Now you’re in a conversation. And if the response is “Yes, I don’t have time right now” or “I’m not interested”, you have something to work with, starting with the psychological power you have now shared with the person on the other end of the conversation.

Once you have introduced the next topic on your gift planning agenda you can ask, “Do you have any concerns about discussing (topic)?”. Hearing “No, I’m OK discussing that” or “No questions” gives your prospective donor permission to make choices, and it gives you permission to proceed. On the other hand, a response like “Yes, I’m uncomfortable with that” opens the door for deeper discovery.

Jim Camp, author of Start With NO, counsels his readers to give their counterparts permission to say ‘No’ from the start of a negotiation. He calls it “the right to veto.” He notes that people will fight to protect their right to say ‘No’.

A truly effective fundraising negotiator will train him/herself to hear ‘No’ as something other than rejection and respond accordingly to expressed concerns. For a closer look at what ‘No’ might truly mean, contact me to request a copy of my brief article on “The Nine Fundraising Nos”.