If you have been a leader for any time, you will know that part of the job description is having uncomfortable conversations with others. Leaders must inform, discuss, guide, and lead their teams through change daily. And we all know how much humans love change and accept it without challenge, argumentation, or disdain. :)
Leaders are taught many things about the role, including the success metrics, the process that must be adhered to, and some soft skills training. However, only some time is devoted to learning how to converse when the stakes are high. This seems counterintuitive, as most of our time is spent conducting crucial discussions.?
The book?Crucial Conversations
, by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and others, outlines the need for crucial conversations and provides a framework for conducting them successfully. Please take a few minutes this week/month to read it; it offers a fantastic foundation for having difficult conversations that should be a part of your leader's toolbox.?
Here are some other best practices to utilize along with that foundation.?
- Future conversations now: One of the significant challenges in having difficult conversations in real-time is the emotions attached. We tend to push uncomfortable topics for a "better time, " but it never seems to come. The solution is to have the conversation well before the decision needs to be made, preferably when there is time for processing and reflection. One example is discussing with your spouse or significant other the type of family life you want to have before you have children.?
- Brief and efficient?- If you have to deliver bad news, make it short and to the point. This is particularly important when notifying someone their role has been eliminated, or your organization no longer employs them. It doesn't help either you or them to drag it out or make them guess what message was delivered.?
- Cool, calm, collected?- It's tough to process and communicate effectively when emotions are high. Do everything you can to stay neutral, even if the outcomes are essential to you. In business negotiations, one technique is to remove as many zeros as needed from the deal so that you can comfortably handle it. For example, if negotiating a $ 10,000,000-a-year deal increases your blood pressure, take off six zeroes and mentally run it like a $ 10-a-year deal. You will always make better decisions when you are relaxed.?
- "Is that fair?"?is one of the most powerful questions in a heated conversation. It requires the recipient to pause and consider the offer, helping them stay cool, calm, and collected (see point #3). You can use this question when offering a compromise, challenging an assumption, or asking for a counteroffer.
- Argue the problem, not the person?- this may be the best advice for any difficult conversation. Focusing on the issue rather than the person allows you to focus on possibilities rather than roadblocks. It takes you from the "you are the problem" to "let's fix the problem together." When in doubt, focus on the problem, and the person's issue will usually resolve itself.?
- Negotiate every deal with the mindset that walking away is an acceptable option.?If you can't walk away from a deal, your ability to properly negotiate is limited. Always look for the best outcome for all parties involved, but don't eliminate the option of not making a deal if it doesn't work. Be open to compromise when it makes sense, but not so much that it makes the deal unacceptable.?
Having crucial conversations is challenging, but it is a requirement if you want to be an effective leader. Learning how to have them is one of the best ways to care for yourself and your team!
Do you have a best practice when it comes to having crucial conversations? If so, leave a comment.
Executive Coach & Facilitator | Helping Teams Master Clear, Safe & Constructive Feedback | 35% Performance Growth
11 个月Jim - Thanks for sharing your tactics. I especially like #5 Argue the problem, not the person. That can be tough because the person may have some qualities/weaknesses/blindspots that make the issue worse, and/or they maybe be pushing my buttons in a way that illicits a strong emotion in me! (I reference your articles on The Power of the Pause and The Power of Humility). I can assure you this topic is one that comes up in almost every single Exec Coaching engagment I have with leaders-- regardless of their title! My two cents: 1) before the conversation, set an Intention for how you want to show up in this conversation. Get clear in your mind's eye about the message and vibe you want them to leave with. Play the long game too. 2) Express your confidence that despite all the roadblocks / past misses, the two of you will figure this out and be stronger for it. Speaking to your belief in them -- even while the path forward may not be so certain -- sends a signal that you are committed to them and to your shared goal. Is that fair?
I love this. The framework will flow naturally for leaders who respect their employees as peers and treat their employees the way they'd like to be treated themselves.