The Power Couple

In 2012 when I had the opportunity and privilege to lead a large multicultural and multidisciplinary team across 9 countries, I felt I needed help with the transition. I was also looking to drive a cultural shift within the organization, in my new role. A colleague of mine introduced the idea of a coach - opening the world of coaching and initiating a whole new journey of inner work for me that was both enlightening and personally transformational. I took on an external executive coach, who introduced me to “The Power Couple” – Listening and Asking (powerful questions)!

The twin skills of Listening and Asking powerful questions may seem very simple on the face of it – but, as with all things simple has an inverse relationship to how easy they are to practice with mastery being a life-long journey.  A journey that can open up a whole world of inner work - not only are they foundational to co-creation and trust-based relationship in all spheres, but can be truly transformational at the individual level.

Listening

In a workshop with many senior executives when the facilitator queried on who all thought they had good listening skills, about 70% of the hands shot up. By the end of the 2 hours, after a facilitated discussion on the art of Listening and what gets in the way of our listening, on being re-polled, only about 15-20% of the hands went up.

Habit 5 in the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, by Stephen Covey, states: “Seek first to understand...” While there are different levels of listening and context will influence how we listen, the hallmarks of a good listener are:

• fully present in the moment
• listening from a place of curiosity and respect for the individual
• non-judgemental
• listening for potential

Some common barriers to listening effectively are:

• we are distracted or multi-tasking; not present fully
• focused on how to respond, advise and / or give our opinion
• wanting to look like the smartest person in the room
• emotional triggers or blind spots
• judgemental of the person or situation
• letting our biases get in the way

When we truly listen it signals genuine interest and helps to build trust and intimacy. We become more aware of the unsaid and energy shifts. It helps us engage more deeply with the whole person vs just be at the surface. At its core, fundamentally it is about respect for the individual.

Asking Powerful Questions

If listening is your invitation to the party, asking powerful questions can be the difference between whether you get invited to dance or not. The right question with the right placement / permission and with the right tone can be the world of difference between an engaging discussion or an abrupt conversation. None of us like being TOLD anything….asking opens up dialogue, drives accountability, engagement and builds a thinking environment. The hall marks of powerful questions are:

• open ended vs Yes / No
• not leading
• generally start with a What or How vs Why
• comes from a place of genuine curiosity and in service of the other
• right tone and placement
• evokes insight, learning, clarity and/or expands thinking
• challenge assumptions and beliefs, give pause for reflection

As a rule, intent will always trump skill. When Listening and Asking dance together, magic happens. The result is better outcomes, stronger relationships, more effective solutions that are co-created. Whether is business meetings, coach – coachee, personal relationships, supervisor – direct reports…..the art of listening and asking powerful questions can be the differentiator. 

How good is your listening? What gets in the way of your listening?