The Power of Connection Wins

Selling Is Dead—The Power of Connection Wins

I’ve seen it happen time and again—talented professionals working hard, refining their craft, and yet, struggling to close deals, influence decisions, and advance in their careers. They know they have value to offer, but when it comes to selling themselves, or their products, they struggle to make their ideas land, get buy-in, or move the needle.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The traditional “hard sell” approach isn’t just outdated—it’s ineffective.

Joseph Roberts , Founder, CEO and a master of sales, shared a powerful truth in our recent leadership and personal branding podcast conversation:

"People don’t buy because they’re convinced—they buy because they feel understood. That’s because selling isn’t about persuasion. It’s about connections."

Think about that for a second. The best salespeople, leaders, and professionals don’t “sell” in the traditional sense. They create genuine connections, they listen, and they position their solution as the natural next step.

My Turning Point: A Leadership Lesson in Influence

I remember pitching an idea during one leadership meeting, passionately explaining why a critical project needed approval to accelerate product launch speed to market. I kept speaking and speaking, talking and talking, convinced that more persuasive words would win approval—until one of the engineering leaders slowly raised his hand and said to me:

“Felix, sometimes it’s good to know when to stop selling.”

That moment changed everything.

I kept pushing and pushing until we got approval to proceed. But later, that same leader texted me something I’ll never forget:

“Felix, your biggest strength is integrity. It’s very rare these days. Make sure everyone knows that.”

That moment confirmed a lesson I’ll never forget: Influence isn’t about saying more to prove a point—it’s about knowing when to listen, when to say the right things at the right time, to the right people and when to let trust do the work.

The Problem with Traditional Selling

Most people approach sales (whether selling a product, an idea, or themselves in their careers) like a transaction. But when you focus only on closing, pitching, or proving yourself, you actually create resistance.

Why? Because nobody wants to be sold to—but everyone wants to be heard and understood.

So, What’s the Alternative?

Instead of focusing on selling, focus on these three things:

1?. Build Trust First

Before people buy into your product, service, or leadership, they need to buy into you. They not only want to know who you are on a deeper level but also:

• Do you genuinely care about their needs.
• Do they feel like you understand them.
• Are you offering solutions that align with what they actually want.

When you shift from being fixated on an outcome or from closing a deal to building a relationship, everything changes.

2?. Position Yourself as a Problem-Solver, Not a Salesperson

The best sales and career advancements don’t come from self-promotion only. They come from being the go-to person for solutions.

• Instead of pushing your product, ask the right questions.
• Instead of pitching your skills, share how your expertise solves a real problem.
• Instead of convincing, listen first—people will tell you exactly what they need.

3?. Create Opportunities Instead of Waiting for Them

If you’re waiting for someone to notice your value, you’re already playing the game wrong. Influence comes from showing up, speaking up, and providing value consistently.

• Want to grow in your career? Start sharing insights, mentoring, or leading discussions before you’re asked. Share your passions without hesitation.
• Want to sell more? Position yourself as the trusted authority in your space, not just another salesperson.
• Want more opportunities? Don’t wait for permission—create them.

Selling Is Dead. To Win, Do This Instead.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a professional climbing the career ladder, or someone with a big vision—your success isn’t about selling harder.

It’s about connecting deeper and ethically influencing people.

Here’s my challenge for you:

• The next time you have a conversation, focus on understanding rather than convincing.
• The next time you talk about your work, position yourself as a solution, not just a professional with experience.
• The next time you see an opportunity, create value before you ask for anything in return.

Because—the more you connect and build genuine relationships, the more influence you gain.

What’s one way you’ll apply this in your career or business this week? Share your thoughts in the comments below—I’d love to hear your insights!

If this resonated with you, pass it on to someone who needs to hear it. Let’s turn connection into opportunities and create environments where everyone thrives—without strings attached.

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Let’s grow together and make 2025 the year of unstoppable progress!

Thank you,

Felix Okoth, PMP?

Globally recognized keynote speaker, author, and leadership expert empowering professionals to achieve extraordinary success through engineering leadership, self-leadership and personal branding.

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