The Power of Vicarious Joy in Exclusive Spaces

"I've been saying your names in rooms that you aren't in."

Freudenfreude.

This is the opposite of schadenfreude - the German term for finding joy in another's misfortune, lack of success, or pain. Freudenfreude is finding joy in another's success, wellness, and joy. Through my studies on the concept of joy, I have come to call this vicarious joy and the opposite, malicious joy.

Though we may have more than enough malicious people in our midst, it always helps to have an advocate in our corner. When I’m in the room and the opportunities abound, if an opportunity matches the experience or expertise of someone in my circle, trust that their name, website, and bio are in that room with me. I am calling their names! I learned the power of calling names that wouldn't otherwise be called from those who have and continue to do this for me. This is a practice of freudenfreude and vicarious joy.

Well-Being and Joy

Well-being is the extent to which we are able to experience greater levels of flourishing and reduced levels of languishing. When we flourish, we are in a state of positive mental health and experience feelings of happiness, fulfillment, and purpose in life. We have high levels of well-being, positive emotions, and social functioning, and are able to cope effectively with challenges and stressors. Languishing, on the other hand, is a state of low mental health in which we experience feelings of emptiness, apathy, and disconnection from others. When we languish, we have low levels of well-being, negative emotions, ineffective social functioning, and struggle to cope with stress and challenges. This is what shows up in the workplace - the residue of our languishing or the fruits of our flourishing.

Where we live within this continuum and how we consequently play out our joy is what I call the ethics of joy—the extent to which our joy flows from and is expressed by the state of our wellness. If we are well, our joy may be progressive and reflects that wellness. If we are struggling with wellness, and that struggle remains unaddressed, the way we exude our joy may be regressive and reflective of our unwellness. We are generally not all one or the other, nor do all areas of our lives operationalize joy in the same way. Depending on the state of our wellness in a particular area of life, we may find ourselves at different points on that continuum. The ethics arise in our subsequent behaviors, determining the extent to which we value the well-being of ourselves and others through the pursuit and maintenance of our joy. This suggests that the value of our connections and how we internalize our joy are connected to the state of our wellness.

Our perceptions and professional behaviors are largely rooted in the health of our mindsets. Let's look at this from an analogy of drawing from two different wells of water. The first is the languishing well, which represents a low state of wellness and a mindset that leads to regressive joy. The second is the flourishing well, which represents a high state of wellness and a mindset that leads to progressive joy.

The Languishing Well

The languishing well is counterproductive to our health, wellness, and relationships. It represents deep pain or discomfort. Being in this place involves the struggle to find enjoyment in our personal and professional lives and is reminiscent of, a loss of control, a fear of losing something of value, or the impact of unresolved trauma. When someone is in a state of languishing, the joy they embody can actually be regressive or harmful. Rather than seeking out opportunities for joy in themselves or others, they stuck in a disposition that says "I will soothe my pain even if it causes harm to myself or others. It is a strategy for survival."

Regressive joy shows up in two ways—it can be toxic to oneself and it can be malicious toward others. When we engage in toxic regressive joy, we find satisfaction, relief, and pleasure in behaviors that feel good, but ultimately cause us personal harm—like gossiping at work, cheating on a project, communicating recklessly with others, or overworking. When regressive joy is malicious, we feel joy in behaviors that cause harm—like seeking revenge or diminishing someone’s sense of worth. They are creating what they perceive to be positive outcomes for their lives, despite the intentional or unintentional harm they are creating for themselves and others.

The Flourishing Well

The flourishing well nurtures our health and wellness. It represents freedom and fulfillment and involves savoring our lives, maintaining life-giving relationships with others, finding fulfillment in purpose, and experiencing peace. When we are flourishing or striving to flourish, the joy we embody is progressive and facilitates our growth. Progressive joy shows up in two ways—as authentic or vicarious. Authentic joy is rooted deeply within us and reflects a chosen approach to life. It is how we celebrate what we love about life and how we find our strength when life becomes difficult. This joy is authentic because it does not rely on another’s pain. It is grounded in the basic value of human wellness. This joy thrives when we are well, but can also be externally driven, as we can ignite it when we need to feel well. Vicarious joy, on the other hand, is grounded in the same principle of wellness, but its focus is the joy we feel for other people when they experience joy. Progressive joy nurtures our own joyful experiences and gives voice and compassion to those who struggle to find their joy.

Calling Our Names in the Boardroom

Access to exclusive opportunities can often make or break a career, and engaging in acts of freudenfreude or vicarious joy can involve being a bridge to these opportunities when we are in positions to do so. Unfortunately, opportunities are not always equally distributed, and professionals of color may struggle to gain access to these opportunities, especially when they are not present in the room where important decisions are made.

Leaders and professionals with access have an important role to play in creating access to these opportunities. By recommending the names of professionals of color, leaders can help to ensure that a wider pool of talent is considered for these opportunities, and that diverse perspectives are included in important decision-making processes. Here are some tips for leaders who want to create access to exclusive opportunities for professionals of color:

Diversify your relationships

One of the best ways to recommend the names of professionals of color is to build relationships with them. Step out of your comfort zones and take the time to get to know a wide range of professionals inside and outside of your network, and work to understand their skills, strengths, and career goals. This will help you to identify opportunities that may be a good fit for them, and to make targeted recommendations when those opportunities arise.

Use your platform to amplify underrepresented voices

As a leader, you likely have a platform and a network that can help to amplify the voices of professionals of color. Use your platform to share their work, insights, and perspectives with a wider audience. This can help to raise their profile, increase their visibility, and open up new opportunities for them.

Be intentional about creating diverse teams and networks

When you are making recommendations for exclusive opportunities, be intentional about creating diverse teams and networks. This means actively seeking out professionals of color and recommending them for opportunities, even if they are not present in the room. It also means advocating for more inclusive hiring and promotion practices within your organization, so that a wider range of professionals have equal access to opportunities.

Actively encourage and support professionals of color

Finally, it is important to encourage and support professionals of color as they navigate their careers. This means providing mentorship, sponsorship, and other forms of support that can help them to develop their skills, build their networks, and advance their careers. It also means celebrating their successes and recognizing the important contributions they make to your organization and the broader community.

Creating access to exclusive opportunities professionals of color is not only the right thing to do, it is also good for business. It is how we create authentic joy for ourselves and compassionate joy for others. It gives greater purpose and meaning to our work. By being inclusive in important decision-making processes, organizations can make better, more informed decisions, and build more resilient, innovative, and successful teams. As a leader, you have the power to make a difference by calling out the names of professionals of color, building diverse teams and networks, and supporting the success of all members of your organization.

When I have an opportunity to elevate someone in my circle, it is literally my joy to do just that. I want to live joyfully, and vicariously through the joys you experience. I am committed to seeing us all win because we are conquering this mountain together. I live to see our wins!