The Power of Coaching: Building Emotionally Intelligent and Resilient Youth

Yesterday, at #RAGATHECOACHFEST hosted by ICF Delhi NCR Charter Chapter Coaching Festival, there was a wonderful discussion on the democratization of coaching—how coaching should be accessible to all, especially the youth and younger children. This resonates deeply with me as a coach who works actively with children especially the teenagers .I have seen firsthand the transformative impact of coaching on young minds. It is imperative that coaching reaches children early, helping them develop self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and decision-making skills.

Why Early Coaching Matters

Let's look at the growing issues of bullying in schools and colleges, and the tragic cases of children resorting to extreme actions like suicide, they do highlight an urgent need for intervention. If we step back and examine the root cause, we must ask: Where does this thought process of bullying come from? Are children inherently unkind, or is their behavior shaped by societal conditioning or something else? When young minds get influenced that certain traits or behaviors are "not normal" they may feel justified in teasing others, it can often stem from messages they receive from family, peers, and media.

Coaching can intervene at an early age by teaching children how to think critically, develop empathy, and understand emotional intelligence. The earlier we introduce these skills, the more effective they are in shaping responsible, emotionally intelligent individuals. Research suggests that a large part of a child's personality is formed within the first six years of life. By integrating coaching methodologies—through reflective and deep conversations—children can be equipped with the tools they need to process their emotions, make thoughtful decisions, and engage in meaningful interactions.

The Role of Neuroscience in Coaching Young Minds

Neuroscience tells us that the human brain is still developing until the age of 25. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and rational thinking, is not fully developed in teenagers. Meanwhile, the brain’s reward system is highly active, making impulsive decisions and risk-taking more common. This explains why young people often make choices they later regret—because their ability to foresee consequences is still maturing.

By integrating mindfulness practices and reflective thinking at an early age, coaching can help children and young adults develop the habit of pausing before acting. Teaching them to question their impulses and reflect on their choices can significantly impact their ability to make sound decisions.

A common example is how the brain processes negative instructions. If you tell yourself, “Don’t fall,” the brain focuses on “fall.” I’ve personally experienced this—once, while descending an escalator, I kept thinking, “Don’t fall,” and moments later, I stumbled. The same principle applies to young minds—telling a child “Don’t do that” often results in them doing exactly that. Instead, positive framing, such as “Walk safely,” is far more effective.

This insight is crucial when coaching children and teenagers. Instead of restricting behaviors through negative commands, coaching helps them develop self-awareness and self-regulation. When they learn to pause and reflect, they gain control over their impulses rather than being governed by them. Help a child develop curiosity and you have given them a lifelong gift.

Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Agility

Susan David, Ph.D. in her book Emotional Agility, emphasises that learning to identify and work with emotions rather than getting stuck or overwhelmed is the key .

Similarly, Six seconds emotional intelligence framework reinforces the idea that emotions are data that we can use to our advantage. Emotional intelligence is not about suppressing emotions but balancing emotion and critical reasoning skills to respond effectively to life’s challenges. When children are taught this balance early, they develop the ability to make better choices, regulate their responses, and handle setbacks with resilience.

Preparing for the Workforce of Tomorrow

Coaching is not the same as counseling or mentoring, which are also essential in guiding young individuals. Coaching, as defined by International Coaching Federation is about "partnering with individuals in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential." It is not about telling children what to think or how to behave. Instead, it is about helping them think for themselves, make their own decisions, and develop self-awareness. The role of the coach is like that of a catalyst, as shared by Shweta HandaGupta, MCC, F.IOD at RAGA The Coach Fest . Just as a catalyst accelerates a reaction without altering its essence, a coach facilitates transformation by enabling children to think independently, reflect deeply, and unlock their full potential without imposing solutions.

Coaching equips children with the ability to:

1. Make Thoughtful and Independent Decisions – Coaching helps children develop critical thinking skills, allowing them to assess situations, weigh options, and make informed choices rather than acting impulsively.
2. Manage Emotions and Build Resilience – By understanding emotional intelligence and emotional agility, children learn to regulate their emotions, handle setbacks, and develop a growth mindset.
3. Develop Strong Leadership and Teamwork Skills – Coaching fosters collaboration, effective communication, and the ability to lead with empathy, essential for working in teams and future leadership roles.
4. Enhance Self-Awareness and Confidence – Through reflective conversations, children learn about their strengths, values, and aspirations, helping them build confidence and a strong sense of self.
5. Adapt to Change and Navigate Challenges – In an unpredictable world, coaching teaches children how to embrace uncertainty, develop problem-solving skills, and stay flexible in the face of challenges.

By integrating coaching into early education, we can foster a generation that is not only academically proficient but also emotionally intelligent, compassionate, and equipped to lead meaningful lives.

The earlier we start, the greater the impact.