?? The power of boundaries: What I wish I knew when I started my business

I have spent a good part of my life as an entrepreneur trying to keep myself safe. As children we very rarely have autonomy over our lives - with our time spent at school or in activities, if we're lucky, or otherwise following along with the whims of the adults in our lives. We don't always know why we're doing different things, but we know that for whatever reason it is expected of us and, for the most part, we follow along.

Then we move into adulthood where we feel like we're finally the leaders of our lives, but we're really just trying to fit this narrow view of the world we manufactured growing up into the "real world". Most of us are simply engaging in a new environment, but playing out the old dynamics, behaviors, fears, and doubts that we learned as a kid.

It isn't until sometime around your mid-30's or 40's that you start to realize you have actual sovereignty over you life (and may still take another 10-20 years to figure out what that means!) You don't need to simply follow along with the world around you, but that you actually get to decide for yourself what you want from life - and finally have the tools (or access to the tools) to make it happen.

When I started my business I was 32. While I wanted freedom and success and all the other glitzy glam things people want when they go out on their own, I mostly just wanted to escape from the absolute and total overwhelm and anxiety I had been experiencing working in my full-time roles.

I didn't know why I had felt like my stress levels were continuously spiking, or like I was in constant need of a vacation or a break. All I knew was that what I thought it meant to be successful in the real world was killing me, and I simply couldn't do it anymore. By the time I left my role in leadership consulting I was so burnt out I couldn't have told you who I was anymore.

And so, when I started The Courage Factory I had this fresh new opportunity to do business my way - that is, to make whatever rules I wanted, to charge what I thought was fair, to set my own agenda and work-life balance, and to steadily and successfully grow my business exactly as I wanted, with no one to tell me what to do.

The things is, what I didn't know at the time, was that the behaviors that lead me to burnout were still with me. Things like perfectionism, fear of being rejected, abandonment wounds, desperation to be liked and to please others, and a chronic feeling like I wasn't enough.

Now don't get me wrong, I could not have put that so succinctly just a few years ago, it's only after doing the work - and I do mean a LOT of work - that I can see clearly what was really driving my actions for all those years.

And so, as I created my business and set my working relationships and rates of exchange for my services, there was a continuous feeling of trying to make sure that I didn't feel rejected, abandoned, unliked, overwhelmed, burned out, or like I wasn't enough. I created environments and relationships that would help to alleviate my fears, and anytime I felt threatened - or like the hint of burn out was on the horizon - I would end the relationship.

As a part of this, I also decided that I would not have more than a handful of clients in my coaching practice at a time - because I wanted to make sure that my time and energy were kept safe, so I wouldn't "lose control" of my energy or my schedule, as had happened so many times before. I simply didn't have the strength of boundaries to support me - if I'm honest, I didn't really understand what it meant to set boundaries that supported me and to honor them.

In my mind, I kept trying to do just that, but for whatever reason they never stuck. I didn't realize that in order to honor my boundaries I would have to make choices and decisions that put me first, even if it mean other people would be disappointed or frustrated.

Now, while I am still not a perfectly baked human - I am still flawed and still learning and growing - I have started to recognize the patterns and behaviors that have truly kept me stuck for so long. Ideas or mindsets that "meant well" but weren't truly serving me to get where I wanted to go, but were merely serving as protection mechanisms for when I knew I might feel weak.

I was creating walls around me, but hadn't realized it. I hadn't trusted myself to stand up and protect myself when I needed, to honor my boundaries and needs in the moment as they arose, and to change the way I engaged with my business and clients as things shifted within.

A part of me was still that young adult entering the working world feeling overwhelmed, pressured, and burning out because I didn't yet understand that it was actually possible to live a freer life in alignment with who I am and what I want in the world, and that I could keep myself safe without creating barriers of protection.

And now, I know.

If you are also ready to know what it feels like to live life trusting yourself that you can actually do what you want to do and feel great while doing it, without continuous pressure or fear of burning out or disappointing others. Or if you find yourself protecting yourself from the world because you worry you won't be able to handle everything life has to throw at you, let's talk.

Sending you love, whatever challenges or growth you maybe facing today,

Amanda

PLUS, Whenever you're ready, here are 3 ways I can help you:

#2: Listen to the latest episode of Don't Step on the Bluebells for a dose of psychic wisdom and how you can train this remarkable skillset with Saskia Nefkens & Rachelle Jenkens of Not Your Average Psychic!

#3: Know you need support, but don't quite know what you need? Send me a DM and let me know what you have going on. I'll do my best to guide you towards your best option - resources, tools, teachers, or something even better.