The Power Of Blogs

I guess this is my way of trying to finally let go of the past and move on. I apologise if this article is meandering like the last one, but I just get into a flow.

Recently my thoughts on blogs have changed.

Admittedly I've had a bit of a chequered past with blogs. Especially in the time where I was transitioning from a SEND environment to a mainstream college education environment.

The school did try to give me classes in the mainstream school to get used to it, but it really wasn’t enough and I was so unprepared at the time.

?Unfortunately during this time, I really struggled with the social aspect for what I knew no longer applied and the rules had changed. This was particularly a difficult time for me because I found it very difficult to be accepted amongst my able-bodied peers.

During this time the educational establishment didn't offer very much protection. This was also before the time I started learning self-defence so this was a very different person to who I am today.

?During this time

·???????? People took advantage of me, especially girls that I liked.

·???????? Poured hot chocolate over my head.

·???????? Punched me in the stomach.

·???????? Called names like pervert, fake, fudge packer, sexually warped, sheep shagger amongst others. Even told others I hadn’t met or about to meet that I was a pervert.

·???????? Even when the college day ended, they were there as soon as did my coursework and logged online to harass me there as well.

·???????? Even had my sexuality questioned by others.

·???????? ?Forced to do other people's coursework negatively affecting my own coursework and my own grades.

·???????? People didn’t know how to respond to me or my disability appropriately at college. (There where some lovely exceptions to this)

·???????? Even though my behaviour must have seemed very immature to some at the time I found socialising very emotionally draining, overwhelming, and struggled to adapt to all the strong personalities at the college, nor how to respond appropriately.

·???????? I did have support there, but I didn’t want to use it because it made me feel like a failure and I already looked weak in front of others. One of the support workers knew me from the age of 5 from the SEND school I went to which further made me embarrassed.

·???????? At the time even though one lecturer did say they had enough to put some of the bullies on a level 3 gross misconduct charge, I didn’t speak out because I was afraid of the backlash I would receive from the rest of the students on my course, and I didn’t want two of my college friends being kicked out by association.

I did have a small number of friends, and my sister did try to protect me, but during this time I became a very bitter angry twisted individual with a lot of issues. I became so toxic due to my anger I started lashing out, eventually at everyone.

?Even though I’m not proud of it today, I turned to very public online blogs to vent my feelings. I discovered very quickly even though I couldn’t hurt them physically. I could definitely hurt them with words and low it came to pass. The problem is I had become a very dark and unlikable person at a certain point in time.

?I became drunk with the power it gave me to fight and hurt them back, and in a way became just as bad as the people I was fighting against.

?I didn’t just hurt my bullies for that blog, but I was so angry at the discrimination I faced that I started to lash out at everyone. I started pushing away my friends with it as well. Although I was always unpopular at college, friends quite rightly started to turn and I do regret those actions and I could never apologise properly but I'm a very different person today, due to those actions some of those are now former friends.

I had no self-respect, no confidence, I felt scared, lonely and afraid back then. I felt worthless and of very little value to society.

All people saw however online was just me being very nasty so it started to become a vicious circle as people got angry at me and gave a similar public response then I would retaliate and the loop just kept on going.

It took me a long time, as I was so addicted to the power, but it became so damaging to me that eventually I had to give it up and stop writing for good and the blogs were taken permanently off the internet by myself. But it taught me a lesson I carried into my professional life.

You could say if I continued down this path, I would have ended up one of those internet trolls you find in comment sections across social media, and online news articles today. Sadly, it is a wide accepted part of life professionally and personally and it shouldn’t be. Not enough is done to protect those with disabilities or neurodiversity on social media by companies like Google or Meta sometimes with disastrous consequences for mental health. Due to its anonymous nature people will say things online that they would dare say in the real world. Developing a dangerous alter-ego that can damage themselves and others around them, in the worst cases even causing suicide and death. ?

Even after the blog was taken down; I carried some of that anger into my adulthood and I never truly dealt with my issues from college. All I ever did was stuff it down and on top of all the disability discrimination I faced in the workplace after my education years got stuffed down on top. It affected me professionally, and I entered a very deep year-long depression and anxiety. It was like pressure in a bottle. Eventually it was going to blow.

I don’t remember anything from that year only cloudy screenshots, sleeping and feeling anxious and numb. Separating myself from reality. ?

Though that anger did do some positive, I started a 10-year journey into Karate, and it drove me to succeed as much as I could. Things are not perfect, but I have achieved things I never thought I would achieve. There is still so much to achieve, however.

The only writing I've done since those blogs was a 6-month voluntary stint for an internet music magazine called Love Music Magazine as a short-lived music journalist alongside my internet radio shows, I should have continued but I was way too busy at that point into my life. But I did love that job. I would do it again if I had the time and the chance.

Since writing my first article on LinkedIn and reading other articles and blogs, I haven’t realised one thing.

?If negativity can be that powerful with a blog, just imagine what fantastic things you can do in the world by using a blog for positivity.

Professionally and in the workplace, I didn't realise how often blogs are used and what incredible insights they can bring such as.

·???????? Keeping updated on the latest news.

·???????? Sharing best practise with your colleagues inside and outside your organisation.

·???????? Personal and professional viewpoints that allow you to see the person behind the professional work colleague.

·???????? ?Give perspectives on world and industry events that you would not find in mainstream news outlets.

·???????? ?Allow you to evaluate what is good about your team or organisation and what needs improvements. Utilizing both strengths and weaknesses.

·???????? Address inequality amongst minority groups and the rest of society and bring about awareness and action.

·???????? ?Showcase organisational and individual successes

·???????? Promote co-operation between, individuals, organisations and even industries.

There are so many other positive ways that blogs are used across LinkedIn I couldn’t name them all and it fills my heart with gladness seeing them.

One thing for sure is when Uncle Ben and Aunt May spoke to Peter Parker / Spiderman and said “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” when it comes to blogs, they are exactly right.

Although I realise that what you post in a blog online or elsewhere can negatively affect you in the workplace, your professional life and your career negatively.

I am however hoping that something positive can come from my previous bad decisions as a teenager and can help others in similar circumstances make better decisions.

My second hope is that people find the time to blog more and share more diverse insights from different cultures, different communities and different perspectives so we can all be taught new things and understand each other better.

Yes, I am ashamed of the person I was as a teenager, but I did learn my lessons, and I was forced to deal with my issues and face my demons, and I am no longer that person.

I will end this by inviting everyone to share their blogs with myself and each other in the comments if you wish to. Because we can learn so much together and with each other.