The Power of Being Wrong

Have you ever met someone who, under even the most obvious circumstances, will not admit when they are in error or take some partial accountability in a situation? We all know at least one person with this annoying behavior pattern. It essentially boils down to security and one's ego. People who innately are secure with their intellect, abilities and character, can freely admit when they are incorrect. Those who are deeply committed to personal growth will also willingly admit errors and find themselves apologizing at times. Those who must go to great lengths to never appear wrong in front of others, who would rather humiliate another falsely, or use their rank to be right, are by definition insecure in themselves. Often, this needing to be right is a fear of being "outed" as an imposter, or not feeling worthy or getting rejected in some fashion. For these people, I have tremendous empathy. This is not an easy pattern to break. Often, the fear builds up and people can feel even more powerless to defend their perfection as to do otherwise could mean a loss of control or authority.

"Admitting to a mistake means refusing to use other people as scape-goats to avoid responsibility but rather courageously owning up to every single one of them." (T. Whitmore)

This needing-to-be-right is a common character trait I've seen many times unfortunately. In many of our fast growing companies, we over promote people who were not ready and hence, their inflated titles indicate a particular level of competency that they may not have actualized. This places people in a position of needing to prove they belong at a certain rank/capability level, even if they clearly do not. This behavior is actually contagious. On a team that is led by someone who must always be right, you'll soon find others who behave similarly. Being wrong in that environment is viewed as weakness. Eventually, these teams become impossible to work with and other teams will not want to collaborate as collaboration requires some degree of humility, which is sorely lacking amongst those who cannot admit error or apologize.

"If you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original." (Ken Robinson)

What to do about this? The only way to combat this is by addressing it head on. Often 360 feedback and coaching will reveal this pattern for individuals. An astute manager who is good at delivering feedback with empathy can be extremely successful. You have to actually create the space for someone to be wrong- give permission deliberately. Model the behavior yourself before ever asking another to do the same.

"There is no better test of a man's integrity than his behavior when he is wrong." (Marvin Williams)

What if this is how your CEO behaves? The job of a CEO is filled with pressures and requires almost super-human abilities to maintain. It's not a job I recommend someone do for a very long period of time unless there are extraordinary circumstances. The pressure on CEOs to be perfect, all knowing, wise while still learning, and to have perfectly balanced emotions is nearly impossible. The CEO, above all positions in a company, is best to have a deep foundation of humility. Not just humility with the customers, that's easy as you serve them...having humility with your leaders and the people in your company is where it gets very difficult. The CEO answers directly to the Board, investors and customers. Secondarily, the CEO must answer to their employees. In a world of many masters, the CEO often finds sanctuary with their people. It's also amongst the people of the company they can have power and some degree of control. Relenting control requires humility, trust, and confidence. CEOs who must be right are more isolated than other CEOs who build a circle of people who genuinely trust them and feel safe in their presence. A leader who can be vulnerable and expose their imperfections can draw tremendous loyalty from their people and in turn, experience much greater success.

"You should become a connoisseur of your own mistakes, turning them over in your mind as if they were works of art, which in a way they are." (Daniel Dennett)

There is power in being humble yet confident in all relationships. You will build trust and draw others to your side. You will create a safe space for others to grow. Ask yourself when was the last time you apologized to anyone? Did you do it willingly? Do you fear that others will think you're weak? I had a turning point in my 20s and I began taking true accountability for my mistakes. I recall the situation. It was painful but I'm grateful I persevered. The feeling of relief I experienced was tremendous. It takes so much extra personal energy to hold on to the fear of losing control. I challenge you to try it on if you find you're stuck in this lonely place. Try it at home, try it out in the world, and bring it to work with you. Release yourself and experience the joyous freedom of being wrong!!