The Power of Because

This week I came across an effective communication technique to help us to guide and support others in the book, "Inner Story" by Dr. Tim O'Brien. This is particularly useful where you encounter people who are presenting us with challenging behaviour. You can facilitate a change in their attitude/behaviour by respectfully explaining what we want them to do rather than what you want them to stop doing.

"Please" and "thank you" are always useful phrases to use as they are "de-escalation" words. They indicate that you are not threatening the person you are conversing with.

Having explained what you want the person to do, follow this by using the word, "because" as this is another de-escalation word. Provide the reason for wanting them to do what you are requesting and expecting. You want the person's brain to pattern for what they can do differently to improve the situation rather than causing their brain to focus on what they are doing now which needs to stop. Focus on the right thing. Focus on the positive!

"Because" is an incredibly powerful word. when you use it, you alter the patterning of someone's brain. Some people, when they hear the word "because", will pay full attention to the reason that you provide for asking them to change what they are currently doing. It is well known that your brain is patterning a great deal of information so in turn, it is unable to pay attention to everything. This creates the potential for people to hear "because" and not listen to or pay full attention to the reason that you give, but move straight to acting upon your request.

When you use the word "because", you create the possibility that people will process the structure of what you are saying more than the content. This means their thinking process will work in the following way, "He/She is asking me to do something. Here comes the reason why". Even though they might not pay attention to the reason given, they may still act on what is requested.

We are often naively optimistic about how intently others listen to us. Some people hear, "because" and do not pay full attention to what comes after the word, as they assume that a rational reason is on its way, People become suggestible to what you are asking them to do when you use the word, "because".

Try it out! It works!

Ref: Inner Story by Dr Tim O'Brien